i feel so fucked up right now. grumpy like someone stole all my cookies when i'm having a gigantic cookie craving and that was the only box of cookies i'd have for the day.
came close to throwing a huge tantrum when A was over just now. i'm really sick and tired of this, but i have no idea what 'this' refers to.
and i'm supposed to change my attitude. but how am i supposed to control my temper if i'm PMS-ing or something? which i bet i probably am. cause it happens every month, this frustration thingy. isn't it in every girls right to be able to have mood swings till she's satisfied?
feel like screaming, and i did. loudly, which earned me a 'wtf?!' from my sister.
aiya this SUCKS BALLS. i have so much pent up rage and frustration in me right now that it's a little scary. i actually feel like punching the wall and crying.
i wanna go on a holiday. ): but God knows i don't deserve one.
fuck this. bye.
Friday, January 29, 2010
Thursday, January 28, 2010
party?
i feel so ........................ unfulfilled.
anyone who wants to kill me now probably will have to drag me there, and i will probably put up a big fight.
how can i die now? there're so many things i've not done yet. so many plans for me to fulfill. but seriously all these can't happen unless i stop being so freaking lazy.
i really piss myself off sometimes. no wait, all the time really.
should get off these rose colored glasses/contact lenses and really smell the cheap coffee right in front of me. (Though probably it won't be that cheap, maybe from starbucks or something.)
anyway, this was when we all went to watch that movie which i can't quite recall the name of. OH! Law Abiding Citizen. good show, but it doesn't really grab at me much.
goal: get a job by CNY. a proper one. oh yeah and i have to get to the library asap since i'm almost done with my books.
wanna shop shop shop shop shop! kay shall go off already. lotsa things to do. sad face *
xoxo
lest my heart would break.
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
i have no idea why i keep eating. frankly i am disgusted by my fats and it's quite disturbing how i can still keep eating without feeling full, or when i don't feel the slightest bit hungry.
i think my parents are already wondering what's wrong with me since they both asked me why i'm eating so much today.
psychological factors maybe? oh God but what could i ever achieve by becoming a great big whale of a human?!
stop me stop me. please?
i think my parents are already wondering what's wrong with me since they both asked me why i'm eating so much today.
psychological factors maybe? oh God but what could i ever achieve by becoming a great big whale of a human?!
stop me stop me. please?
Monday, January 25, 2010
mind boggling, mind blowing
i wonder why some things come so automatically to some people. like beauty, wealth, knowledge, or even confidence. it all seems to come so easy to them, and people like me watch in wonder, and sometimes these feelings are tinged with envy, more so these past few years.
call me crazy but i'd wish for a superpower, to be able to know what people are thinking, or to know how to teleport, or change my appearance; with the latter, at least i'd be able to know what it feels like to be beautiful.
i guess there's something that everybody envies in someone else, no matter how perfect he/she is. thin, thin line between jealousy and envy, and it's hard not to stray into the darker of the two, though they're sins in their own right.
reading books about witches/vampires/lyncanthropes/fey/demons etc, can't be good for me. reading is a whole new world i can get lost in. how can people not enjoy being able to read? it's one of the greatest joys in this world, and it's being taken for granted in some countries, and held as a treasured gift in others.
but it's weird, cause i've developed urges to become a witch. :/ reading makes me go all foggy, like a persistent fever, robbing me of ability to do little but converse and read. plus the book seems to pull me into it, till i've finished reading.
okay i think i sound quite mad. oh well.
photos from that day with Lois at Taka: (am unsure if i've posted them up here yet)
A's heading for another trip to the blasted South China Seas. no offense, but i think no one knows how worried i get whenever he sails. blame it on an overactive imagination, but a little part of my mind never rests easy till he contacts me again. God, i am such a worrywart when it comes to him.
anyway, am reminded by Joey's blog that i need a new scent. am so tempted by the ones with vanilla scented notes in them..... plus i really really need a new wallet.
might be heading up/down to Malacca next week with the folks to get my CNY clothes. i hope that place doesn't disappoint me, cause it's been too too long since i've gotten any decent shopping. i love the thrill of getting home and trying on all my new purchases, but i hate the pang of disappointment i get when i get through them all, and realize that nothing's left.
and the craving for more clothes come again.....
doubt anyone really read till this point, except maybe for Cyn, since i've asked her to peruse this particular blog entry to see how i've gone quite mad.
i should be born in England or something. ah well. ttfn!
xoxo
hush hush
call me crazy but i'd wish for a superpower, to be able to know what people are thinking, or to know how to teleport, or change my appearance; with the latter, at least i'd be able to know what it feels like to be beautiful.
i guess there's something that everybody envies in someone else, no matter how perfect he/she is. thin, thin line between jealousy and envy, and it's hard not to stray into the darker of the two, though they're sins in their own right.
reading books about witches/vampires/lyncanthropes/fey/demons etc, can't be good for me. reading is a whole new world i can get lost in. how can people not enjoy being able to read? it's one of the greatest joys in this world, and it's being taken for granted in some countries, and held as a treasured gift in others.
but it's weird, cause i've developed urges to become a witch. :/ reading makes me go all foggy, like a persistent fever, robbing me of ability to do little but converse and read. plus the book seems to pull me into it, till i've finished reading.
okay i think i sound quite mad. oh well.
photos from that day with Lois at Taka: (am unsure if i've posted them up here yet)
A's heading for another trip to the blasted South China Seas. no offense, but i think no one knows how worried i get whenever he sails. blame it on an overactive imagination, but a little part of my mind never rests easy till he contacts me again. God, i am such a worrywart when it comes to him.
anyway, am reminded by Joey's blog that i need a new scent. am so tempted by the ones with vanilla scented notes in them..... plus i really really need a new wallet.
might be heading up/down to Malacca next week with the folks to get my CNY clothes. i hope that place doesn't disappoint me, cause it's been too too long since i've gotten any decent shopping. i love the thrill of getting home and trying on all my new purchases, but i hate the pang of disappointment i get when i get through them all, and realize that nothing's left.
and the craving for more clothes come again.....
doubt anyone really read till this point, except maybe for Cyn, since i've asked her to peruse this particular blog entry to see how i've gone quite mad.
i should be born in England or something. ah well. ttfn!
xoxo
hush hush
Sunday, January 24, 2010
too young for love
this has been a week or so full of pain. I AM NOT JOKING. fever + runny nose + fucking pain throat inflammation + headache + eye infection + body aches + stomach cramps every now and then..... and the list goes on.
meet up with Cyn on friday night. we watched 'Daybreaker'/s?, and it's a nice enough movie with a good plot, but an ending that could've done better, imo. it left people like me with too many questions; it's gonna be better if there's a sequel? but there were quite a few parts in there that made me go 'O.O! nice!'
after the movie we walked around the half-dead town, literally walking up and down, up and down..... did you know that there are at least 6 seven-elevens (haha) in town that are only a few km away from each other? total overload! plus things in 7-11 are getting so much more expensive in comparison to places like Cheers.
Settled on a bench outside the MRT at Dhoby Ghaut (we walked all the way from Cine), and just talked and talked and talked. been long since i conversed this much with a fellow human being, though i'm always talking. this resulted in me currently having no voice. which was following a day of ultra-sexy husky tranny voice.
headed home at around 8-9 am, and i went to meet Huishan after i got up. was wearing glasses due to the fact that my eyes were in a horrible state (eye shit + sensitive skin around it due to rubbing at it) and i couldn't wear lenses. damn horrible i swear! felt so scared.
A came to look for us while Hs was doing her hair (red highlights), and he brought me home to change my clothes to go to town. (Huishan, Mingkang, Weiliang, Aldrin, Chuan Xun). watched the 'Toothfairy', which was pretty funny if not for the fact that my head was hurting damn badly.
didn't know A had already called my mum to tell her that he was bringing me out. -.- after the movie we all went to Aldrin's place, where the guys mahjonged and Huishan and i fell asleep upstairs! poor girl was having one of her migraines again. but luckily it went away also.
okay, i seem to be quite immune to the medicine that is for 'pain/fever' cause it's also supposed to cause drowsiness but i'm not sleepy, and the pain hasn't gone away. sad face *
came here wanting to blog a few sentences and a huge chunk of word vomit spilled out. i think it's to make up for me not being able to really talk right now. my voice sounds horrid!
these days i'm wondering about love, and honestly i think we're really too young. how'd you know that this is the person you love? or is it just a really really strong feeling?
humans are habitual creatures. we fall into habits and keep repeating the same old patterns just because it's easier not to break out of it. i'm asking myself questions that i've never ever thought i'd ask.
and it's difficult when my heart is split both ways.....
get my drift?
x
meet up with Cyn on friday night. we watched 'Daybreaker'/s?, and it's a nice enough movie with a good plot, but an ending that could've done better, imo. it left people like me with too many questions; it's gonna be better if there's a sequel? but there were quite a few parts in there that made me go 'O.O! nice!'
after the movie we walked around the half-dead town, literally walking up and down, up and down..... did you know that there are at least 6 seven-elevens (haha) in town that are only a few km away from each other? total overload! plus things in 7-11 are getting so much more expensive in comparison to places like Cheers.
Settled on a bench outside the MRT at Dhoby Ghaut (we walked all the way from Cine), and just talked and talked and talked. been long since i conversed this much with a fellow human being, though i'm always talking. this resulted in me currently having no voice. which was following a day of ultra-sexy husky tranny voice.
headed home at around 8-9 am, and i went to meet Huishan after i got up. was wearing glasses due to the fact that my eyes were in a horrible state (eye shit + sensitive skin around it due to rubbing at it) and i couldn't wear lenses. damn horrible i swear! felt so scared.
A came to look for us while Hs was doing her hair (red highlights), and he brought me home to change my clothes to go to town. (Huishan, Mingkang, Weiliang, Aldrin, Chuan Xun). watched the 'Toothfairy', which was pretty funny if not for the fact that my head was hurting damn badly.
didn't know A had already called my mum to tell her that he was bringing me out. -.- after the movie we all went to Aldrin's place, where the guys mahjonged and Huishan and i fell asleep upstairs! poor girl was having one of her migraines again. but luckily it went away also.
okay, i seem to be quite immune to the medicine that is for 'pain/fever' cause it's also supposed to cause drowsiness but i'm not sleepy, and the pain hasn't gone away. sad face *
came here wanting to blog a few sentences and a huge chunk of word vomit spilled out. i think it's to make up for me not being able to really talk right now. my voice sounds horrid!
these days i'm wondering about love, and honestly i think we're really too young. how'd you know that this is the person you love? or is it just a really really strong feeling?
humans are habitual creatures. we fall into habits and keep repeating the same old patterns just because it's easier not to break out of it. i'm asking myself questions that i've never ever thought i'd ask.
and it's difficult when my heart is split both ways.....
get my drift?
x
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