'Safe

saved previous post as draft.

all my words come out as a whiny drone infront of you. to my friends i'm a blubbering mess. when i'm typing, less confusing, the words actually come out.

but how am i to put into words how wretched i'm feeling now? i suppose every heartbreak is like this, and this long drawn out battle was my first.

i hate feeling vulnerable, but i hated regretting even more and so i gave it my all. perhaps i did expect something in return. after all i'm always thinking of good endings even when i'm a self proclaimed cynic.

i do wish for happy endings. and the ideal would be for us to live happily ever after, but i guess this is the real world and it's time to wake up.

i'm remembering the answers to those last three questions and i'm wondering how much of it is truth. i stared into your face, trying to discern what you were saying, sifting through the grains of truth.

it was hard to trust you. it still is now. i have the choice of digging into see if there was anything going on behind my back. to see if your words held true, at least that you've never let me down that way.

i've always been one with trust issues. paired with you, we were like a train rushing towards a decayed track. i spoke too much, you spoke too little. i was too honest, and you just hid it all in.

i remember all the promises, the words of this date and that. but somehow it was always, no time this no money that, next time this, blablablablabla.

could've waited patiently but we ran out of time.

gonna save this words for next time, but hopefully i don't feel it as much as i do now. and i hope i'll get better as time goes by.

i know i will.

thing is, is ignorance really bliss?

i know i can uncover anything i want. but, should i?


goodnight.