heart constricting, and there's a sour feeling deep inside of me.

shut up and swallow it; don't fall. don't fall.

edited:

John: eh wait awhile can?
Me: why?
John: i want to go pom pom. can?
Me: okay lor i wait for you.
John: no i talk to you when i pom pom.
Me: how?!
John: 2009 modern technology loudspeaker!!!!!
Me: LOL

Me: (reading my love horoscope out loud) John: Then?
Me: (reading)
John: Then?
Me: (reading)
John: Then?
Me: finish liao lor.
John: wow.. i don't understand a single shit.

LOL and he act yi ge understand with all the then thens.....
that guy is an absolute idiot. swear. but i still luv him anyway! <3 Mr Asshole! (as friends luhhh ah duhhhhhh)

oh ya! CLICK ON THE NUFFNANG AD PLEASE!!!!! >>>>>>>>> thank youuuuuuu who ever clicks on it! :D

okayeeeee time to sleep. stupid john is mimicking people and their accents. HAHA and making weird sounds.

who's the one i'm supposed to be there for?

back home. omg i've no idea why my hands are trembling. -.- headache too, slight one. oh nooooooooo.

went to class today! and made some new friends! or rather, talked to new classmates. hahaaaaaa and class is actually fun! -..- and i kept talking a lot. like what iza said. and kept giving comments -..-

talked about drugs and tobacco and alcohol and all kinds of addictions. hmm pretty good though. the teacher is cute too! female of course!

and i think it has really become a habit to blog eh. like everytime i touch the computer. hahahaha.

so many things i wanna buy.....! have to restock on falsies, and i wanna buy Cyn's super powered eyelash glue..... andddddddddd a lot luh.

meeting Bec later. yay! to eat fries. okay i have a headache. WHY??!?!?! and i'm hungry again. wtfh.

okay go off already. need to rest asap. hehe :D


xoxo
and i love what you do,
don't you know that you're toxic?

ps: see you around. and i've got it all straightened out. like my thoughts! self-sufficiency is the best.

pay attention to my words

"no more than your heart"

just reached home and i think my mind is more tired than anything else. fuck this i tell you. fuck this.

that fucking Jackie bluff me and say that one submarine $200+ then i really went to believe him when it's only $20 plus. _l_ i sound like some suaku now.

Ruixiang says that the adult world is like that. if it really is, then i don't wanna be a part of it. a world where nothing really matters except the night and where the moments really are what they are; just moments.

when the sun rises, everything is different. save for a few. it fucking sucks.

superficiality and yet it's fun. i mean, seriously it doesn't mean that you can't just have fun right. but it's damn ironic the way you can feel super attractive one moment and fucking ugly the next. i don't think anyone gets it.

i really shouldn't do this anymore.

even looking at the people doing whatever around me..... and i wonder how real it all is, like that really can develop real relationship meh? then what's the point? sex? -.- ya maybe.

but no, not gonna be like that. cause someone told me, i'm the one who controls my own life. cliche but true. and ima make the right decisions.

cause i'm not that kinda girl. i am not. and i'm never gonna be like that. NA.

still, fun though.

maybe partying this friday. and plans during the weekend. have to fucking go down to boat quay mac to settle stuff. fucked up. just give me a broom and dustpan i help you clear your shit. HAHA. but okay i'm not gonna complain further since the person in question is nice.

fuck blabbering. school tomorrow. i like school. (:

kay byebye earthlingggggggs! or whoever's reading.


xoxo
once bitten twice shy

ps: i'm not a girl who thinks a guy is the answer; i'm just tired of being alone.


edited:

OH YA I REDYED MY HAIR WITH CYN TODAY! AND FUCK IT ALL NO DIFFERENCE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! >=[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[ actually have but still quite dark. it's supposed to be 'intense light ash blonde' or something like that. so hopefully it'll lighten with every wash since it's supposed to be ash. knn!

no more, no less

"you've to touch my heart"

some photos up. damn tired i swear!!!!! whole body aching like mad especially my thighs cause of the heels -..- super lousy.

oh yeah most of these pictures are stolen from fb. lost my memory card/forgot where i put it. fucking irritating i swear!!!!!

Joline and me at her house waiting for Cyn, Ruixiang and Jackie those idiots to wake up and get ready.





alot more, but they're at fb.

at raining bar.



Ruixiang! and Sylvester in the background. (ballum?????!!)





some of the people we were with. (Sylvester, Jonathan, Ruxiang, Weijian, Victoria, Cyn, Joline, and two other people i can't remember the names of.><)

ending off with this! Ruixiang + Jackie = Love.



HAHA CLASSIC. idiots i swear. keep calling each other BANG BANG. -.-

wha lao i'm hungry again, and this isn't good. keep eating at weird timings for the foods loaded with the most fats/calories. omg.

school today! was slightly late and paid the uncle in coins, as usual. LOL seriously i wonder when i'll be loaded.

fuck i hate superficiality. and yet it somehow intrigues me and makes me wanna analyze that whole scene. dangerous though. dangerous.

it's hard, this whole thing. it's like i should know better than to sink in it but..... interesting luh!

go figure.


okay school tomorrow. byebye

xoxo
true to your faith.


edited

"for a guy like you/ it's dangerous"

just got back home after a tiring day of school. HAHAHA. decided to stack my posts up TWO INTO ONE! hahahahaha

went for impromptu zi char with Binghui, Andy and Edwin Choo. the kangkong is super delicious!

school was ..... nothing much. i think i'm fine being alone though it's nice having people to talk with. IZA YOU DIDN'T COME SCHOOL! ):

and the first thing that happened when i walked into class yesterday was "who's that girl?" LOL from some guy whose name i can't quite remember.

damn irritating only. heard that there are assignments coming up. crap lor i tell you ):

tired like..... some kind of..... and my head hurts too. no idea why i'm rambling on like that.

sudden mood swing feeling coming crapz i swear.

i hate having words that i can't say trapped somewhere just cause it's not possible for me to say em or cause i don't know how to. and that's rare. perhaps in a few days i'll know how to phrase em and one of my lovely girls will have to be my listening ear.

i love you (: and. i miss you. no, this ain't referring to a guy.


xoxo
toxic boys can't play for keeps

ps: i really hope you're happy now. i'd look back and wonder sometimes, what it'd would have been like, but i catch myself in the nick of time. cause i know we're better off where we are now, no matter how happy we were in the past. but still, sometimes. sometimes. wxn.

utterly exhausted, good and bad. back to normal life! this whole week has been surreal in a way.

meeting so many new people, seeing more of the good the bad and the extremely ugly.

photos up soon! omg lots of unglams i swear swear swear swear swear.

i think people like me aren't cut out for the adult world at all. it was fun dipping my toes in for a few moments though; i think the kiddy pool is still the best for me.

HAHA chicken!

okay damn fucking tired school tomorrow. OH GOD.

i hate it when emotions get the better of me, and it's hard to control myself especially when intoxicated cause i get affected by stuff so much more. and even the teeniest amounts gets my heart beating fast and face red. -..- lousy shit.

on the phone with Bec now. byebye!


xoxo
cause you can't fool me

ps: weird.

just got back. i'm not tired but my whole fucking body feels damn exhausted.

went to a last minute chalet with Cyn and met some really nice people there, then went for dinner blabla, and wanted to go club at the last minute.

SO! going with Cyn, Ruixiang, Jackie, plus a few other older females and another friend of theirs. super weird i swear, but it's important for..... some stuff.

hope we can get in. fuck i hate to be underage, but then again i don't wanna be over 18. FUCK SIAN!!!!!

k time to go bathe. have to get ready in half an hours time. omg wtf.

okay i like being busy like that, cause it keeps my mind off shit like .....

hope we'll have an awesome time with the company and OH YA I BOUGHT HEELS YAY!!!!! but i can foresee my legs being fucking tired later.

ah i want a full body massage ):

okay bye.


xx

all the things a girl should know/ all the things she can't control

"if he saw me hurt this way"

i'm bored. just did my nails and have been chatting with Cyn for the whole night.

ooh did cherry tomato kind of red and black tips. i think it looks kinda weird, but aiya shan't remove em. hands kept shaking though, like shiver shiver * -.-

i wanna go shopping! there's a long list of whatever i wanna buy.

meeting up with K and the rest tomorrow in the noon, and on friday night it's Jonathan's house havoc time. HAHA not really la, but it's like a remake, cause his parents are going out of town.

feel like playing mahjong again suddenly -.-

ooh wanna get a proper foundation. fuck acne scars! damn irritating i swear.

FUCK. mozilla crashed and my whole fucking post is gone. KNNNNNNNNNN. so turn offish i don't wanna blog already ): and i was in my element some more lor! like with proper thoughts and all.

kay nvm pictures first. most of em are of Cyn and i from these past few days.

at town to catch a movie that has Bruce Willis in it.
OH! 'The Surrogate' NOT BAD actually.





H.Plaza to play pool with a few friends.





Karaoke place at Bugis with Cyn, Jianbing, John, Zhixiang and Peter. quite nice luh the place! there was a smoke machine and they totally overdid it by pressing the button manically. had to literally escape -..-





MICKY!!!!! (mickey) Zhixiang and Ruixiang's dog. damn cute!!!!! and she's really obedient t







seems like a lot happened and like a long while has passed, but actually it's only been a few weeks.

was thinking about stuff, and how sad i was over A, blablablablabla. and i think i really let my emotions get the better of me too much. i should have handled em better, should've let go with more dignity and grace.

never thought i'd be okay now though, not this soon. never thought i'd wake up and go through the day with my thoughts being far away from where he is. never thought i'd be able to smile and just be happy. never thought i'd be able to say, it's a good thing that he's with another girl, never thought i'd be able to say that i'm glad we broke up.

but maybe that's just me, cause i tend to take good things out of everything that happens, even if i feel damn fucked up about things. everything happens for a reason; it just takes a little time and perspective to get a good look at the bigger picture. i guess somehow, in some way, everything will just fall into place yeah?

i like living in the moment; it creates many more memories for me to look back on. but at the same time i've to live in the future as well. cause it's not good to forget responsibilities the way i've been doing for too long.

okay too lengthy! my diary is a good place to store all my thoughts. now if only my parents can stop reading it.....

oh ya dad locked the metal gate today using the actual key and not just for the lock . fucking annoying. when my sister asked him why he locked it, he replied: 'eh so nobody can go out at night.'

-..- wtf obviously talking about me! damn irritating. i hope it doesn't become a habit of his to lock everything. fucked up. but smart though. >>>>>:[ that's how irritated i am.

okay calling Cyn back, though something tells me she's nearly asleep.


xoxo
uh oh, uh oh.

ps: (: