'Redemption

 "Come what may" 


for every relationship to work, there has to be the most basic of understandings, the fundamentals on which feelings,  and progress can be built on. 

things like love and trust, honor and understanding; they're the most important things, and yet they are the part of simple foundations of which a relationship stands. what's love without trust and honor? nothing. 

somehow i can't bring myself to trust a face whom i know can be capable of telling untruths. even though salvage is in the works, it doesn't mean it'll bring us redemption. the happiness that is bought in the meantime, doesn't make up for the amount of hurt that always comes. always.

there are big holes in this relationship, cracks that even time cannot fully heal. but then again, they say: if there are no cracks, how does the light get in? 

and then faced with that, there is this question; what's next? 

x

'The way to Heaven

 

credits: velvetcigarette.com, Rachel L.

 did i ever mention how much i like that girl in that photo up there? used to read her journal till she locked it, and randomly went on lookbook and i happened to see her again, and i saw her new site! happy much, for some weird reason.

wondered if it was somehow a kind of fate? the kind where it pulls you in, but never close enough cause for one, we're total strangers and this is just cyberspace. (yeah i know i have stalker tendencies, but my friends are worse. shh) but yeah, i enjoy reading journals cause it somehow gives you a look see into a strangers mind, and it brings a whole lot of new perspective with it.


managed to find the ebook for 'The City of Glass' by Cassandra Clare, and it's absolutely amazing. one of the best series that i've ever read, and each one of the three books in the trilogy ranks up there with the best books i've ever read. there's something about those books that can make me read them over and over and over again without ever getting bored; it's like each page rewrites itself repeatedly and every scene seems brand new to me. trust me, you'll never regret it.

on a side note, i hope this tweaked layout is easy on your eyes, though it's hurting mine already. spent the entire night figuring out transparency codes, and googling all sorts of different answers till i nearly gave up. this isn't the best solution i was looking for, but it's close. apparently it works on Firefox & Safari, but it doesn't show up on Google Chrome.

alright, it's time for me to revisit neopets.com, though i bet i'll  be abandoning it soon enough. have a good day people (:


xoxo

ps: everything is at a standstill. just, a standstill.

'Exhaustive measures

darn tired, and it's only past 12 am! 12.23 am to be precise. been sleeping on and off throughout the day, and it's a damn wonder i can still feel sleepy. >:[

have been trying to make a few changes to my blog template, but only the colors have changed. tried to put in a header image but i realized that only by changing to the new template editor, will i be able to do it. super frustrating, especially fumbling fingers like mine made my back up template vanish a fair few times. -.-


been waiting for the boyfriend to book out, but apparently he's not gonna book out anymore. adds on to my irritation, cause i could've been doing better stuff than waiting around.....

anyway, i've to go hang up the clothing. i totally loathe my sisters when it comes to such stuff. my clothes as compared to their clothing. 10 > 1. and now i'm doing my own laundry and i've got to do theirs as well?

'i'm too tired, tomorrow still have school' well, fuck you! damn annoying though i've to admit it's vice-versa as well. but their clothing really f alot compared to mine.....

am in a grumpy mood now. need to sleep, want to sleep, though i'll probably wake up later on again..... been doing so for God knows how long! okay, off.


xoxo
 

cross-dressing grandma likes young grass

(taken from the site i saw this article on)

Jack Neo cheated on his wife for two years with this 'young grass' Wendy Chong. And apparently she's not the only one that he approached. AND, his wife knew all about it for around a year. AND, she knew of his other on-goings with other women.

how the hell does she stand it?! (Y)! and what's with the comments that people are saying, sympathizing with Wendy Chong?!

hello, it's not only Jack Neo's fault, though i'm not defending him in any way. She probably was around 20 when the affair started. yes, that was a young age, but still, TWENTY NO BRAINS AH?! you mean for the past twenty years, she didn't have any moral principles inserted into her brain, like 'it's not right to steal/ it's wrong to lie/you cannot go around killing people/it's wrong to have sex with a married man and let it continue for two bloody years'

total bullshit lor. the both of them are equally at fault, so i don't understand why people are leaving her comments on her space saying things like 'oh i feel for you' (my own words & bad pun not intended).

not gonna comment much on Jack Neo's part, cause everybody can see for themselves, and judge on their own if he's really 'remorseful'. BUT. seriously two fucking years (pun fully intended) eh. and he even brought her overseas, spent time with each other over the weekends, and who knows what else. honestly, maybe it did get a little sticky (not intended) when it was about to go south (not intended), but the 'tried to break up on 30 occasions' comment was damn retarded.

if you really wanna end things, then just do it. don't keep counting and keeping track of the many times your 'conscience overtook your body', cause neither one of them ended it. utter bullshit saying 'i tried to end it 30 times' but in the end? IT STILL CONTINUED WHAT!

and apparently there are more cases of Jack Neo and other 'nen chaos'. like wtf! what's wrong with him?! and many other males for that matter. not saying that females don't have affairs too, but come on la.

yeah anyway, my conclusion is that the both of them are in the wrong, and that they should suck it up and admit that they are wrong without even giving any excuses or words to 'redeem' themselves.

ooh yeah. one other thing, (and i'm saying this on the assumption that this is what she fully said) i quote, "She advised other 'third-party' women to cease their affairs with married men as 'it's tough to be a mistress."

like huh?! she shouldn't be advising other 'third-party' women to cease their affairs with married men as 'it's tough to be a mistress'; she should be advising them to quit fucking married men because it's bloody wrong to be doing it at all! what kind of crap is 'it's tough to be a mistress'? though it probably is, but still, that's not the point at all! how repentant does that Wendy Chong sound, with this sentence summing it all up?

although she might have said a whole chunk of things about how sorry and wrong she is, but was suay enough to only get quoted on that 'tough being a mistress' sentence.

final conclusion: retribution will come onto every wrong doer. you sow what you reap. at least i do hope so!


xoxo

(edited)

i took away Wendy Chong's photo because i feel quite uncomfortable with her picture posing on my space.

not growing old.

sometimes it's so damn sad to chance upon blogs and people posting about how they miss some things about the past. i feel that way too, and i know everyone does, now and again.

though things might be better off like that, really, i can't help wishing that maybe we could walk back to how we were, how things were.

in secondary school, it seemed simpler. and i'm not as oblivious and naive as i was back then. yeah, i didn't have as many friends, but i felt safe, more often than not. yes, there were bitchy moments, but at the end of the day, everyone were just..... friends? like nowadays when i meet people i wasn't close to but knew by sight, i'd instantly get happier cause it's like 'hey! you're from holy too!'

though i'm content with the friends i have now, i do reminisce about the past, when i truly, truly held the friends i had as close to my heart like any other. it's not that i don't hold my close ones dear now, but growing up and getting past certain experiences meant that i'd never allow myself to hurt that way again?

but after speaking with Bec about this topic earlier on, i realized so many more things that i've been pushing back. heart's growing heavy with an ache different from heartbreak. it's more of a..... sour mourning? for friends who come and go, friends who were once so damn close, and of friends who appear to be lesser than what they mean.

i told Bec, 'we have to learn how to be content and appreciate the people around us', and it's true. she replied me with 'but it's human nature to be ambitious and want more'. perhaps people wouldn't fully understand what we're talking about, but she's right too. it's so hard grasping the concept of being content with who you are and what you have, and at the same time striving for something better.

but i guess it's harder to make genuine relationships with people as you grow older? for me, it really feels that way. though i'm happy that i made really good friends after i graduated from secondary school. wasn't expecting any though, and i'm really happy i did. (:

nowadays the faces i see, faces we meet and greet, these faces hold so much of their own secrets, their own memories, and only a portion of what they let us know, we find out. we never really truly find out how a person truly is, more often not than the other. we only know a little of the past, so much of the present, and maybe what's to come in the future. it's harder to truly see everything of how a person can be, only as much as what they allow us to.

sincerity is scarce, it's something that should be treasured. but sometimes, it's also hard facing strangers with that open sincerity instead of the slightest guarded wariness that comes with experience.

it's always so much easier building up walls, than tearing them down. isn't it?



x
the one that truly knows.

no it's not you.

i've decided to ignore the things i can't do anything about. no point thinking so much when obviously there's nothing to think about at this point of time. shall take a chill pill and chilllllaaaaax. LOL!

like what Binghui always tells me, 'joh you've got to take it easy!' even over the most mundane of things. HAHA!

anyway, i'm hungry! have got to start hunting for food again!!!!!

i think my Bb's battery life is damn amazing! luv it so much will love it even more if it has that data plan thingy that my dearest daddy canceled so cruelly. ):

went to work for the Starhub thingy yesterday with Matt. the only perk that i've gotten so far is that i was able to finally sleep through the entire night! okay, granted, i woke up once around 2 am +, but i was so tired that i could get to sleep without any stupid thoughts invading my head!

you've no idea how tiring it is to not be able to sleep (no pun intended). seriously, my whole sleeping schedule and body clock is all wired the wrong way, and i've trouble sleeping at nights, and am so tired that i doze off during the day. ):

i hate it whenever i feel like this! it's like my emotional side is always, always able to affect the physical side. so i always find myself not eating properly, not sleeping properly, falling sick more, blabla. not that i'm saying i'm very ke lian or what, since everybody goes through emo shit periods of their life, but it affects me a lot! idk why. ):

kay don't feel like uploading anything. byebye!


xoxo

We Are The World

i love this! much better than the celebrity version, imo. still very in 'wtf?!' mode after viewing it so super long ago. and it's damn meaningful cause it's really from a lot of different people over the world? (i'm assuming. i don't know.)

the one who sang Cyndi Lauper/Celine Dion's part was o.o!!!!! DAMN GOOD! had chills all the way. like when i watched Titanic. and i only get chills when i'm spooked/super cold/seen something awesome, and it's definitely the last one in this case!

go view go view! (:

x