been long since i've updated, and i feel like there's so many things to say. my blog has been like a best friend to me since way back, always being there when i feel the need to write down something or when i can't find the words to say how i feel. 

a similar need has arisen, but the words can no longer be said. does it matter, how much i want to say? does it matter, what i want to say? 

i feel like i've changed in so many ways, both good and bad. 

sometimes i find myself struggling between feeling contented and fighting to stay that way. but amongst all changes i guess i never thought i'd find myself like this once again. full of challenges in daily life, minor ones for most. juggling work, family, friends and love, i guess this is the slow yet inevitable transition into adulthood which i've been dreading for so long. 

i don't know what i want, don't know how to go about achieving anything, and yet i'm quite certain of somethings that i simply must do in order to improve upon myself. 

and yet, Rome wasn't built in a day; likewise, i cannot achieve anything big with hasty steps, but with little ones i'm quite sure i'll get there. where ever there may be.

the biggest challenge is still feeling so emotionally stifled, while voicing out how i feel. am still learning the concept of not being able to have the best of both worlds, but i feel like i'm in over my head sometimes. 

so weak, so useless.

this is just a random entry on a random night, with random words on a random site.

feels like i'm nothing, because i am nothing. not even a footprint in the world will be there to show that i've made my mark somewhere.

and yet i will try, and try. in what ever it is. i know not to give up, though sometimes i'm unclear as to what i'm fighting for.

 these words, i hold dear. not only because it's tattooed on the one man that makes this world even more so incredibly special, but also because it does hold meaning even before.   

always keep the faith. always.

'New

so..... i changed my blog post! and now it's looking like one of those old blogger templates. hahahahaha. did that whole 'Text in words' thingy and turns out its actually pretty easy actually.

i don't have photoshop cause it's really expensive and the trial periods online are a pain in the ass to download, so i use this free image editing software called 'GIMP', and it works pretty well for minor editing of images. doesn't have as many effects and stuff like Photoshop does, but it's good enough for me. heehee

okay, so photos. some from the iphone, some from my laptops webcam. too lazy to do much about it, and i've loads of really backdated photos.

am spending my days doing nothing much in particular, just working at a stupid job and lazing at home too tired to think of anything else.


never thought that life could be this stressful from all sides. unhappiness shouldn't be part of my life right? or anyone elses for that matter.

k photos: (warning a lot of camwhore ones.)

 

abrupt end.

mentally tired, gonna sleep the night away and ignore the pile of dishes waiting to be washed. I HATE HOUSEWORK!



xoxo

Pets

my cute lil babies who are so naughty at times that i really feel like spanking them hard. but who could bear to?

my entire family took off for a church camp in malaysia, and left me alone at home with these two. it was just short of a complete nightmare, with them peeing and shitting everywhere, and what with them scratching away at the door and whining/barking when i don't wanna let them into the room in case they pee/shit in there.

opening the front door when i ge home is one of the worst, cause i know what i should expect, but i don't know how bad the mess is. Duffy loves looking for things to chew and he loves digging into the rubbish like a raccoon, whilst Skippy loves going on a peeing spree all over the floors when he has nothing much to do. pretty horrible actually.

but they're the two most lovable darlings in the world, and nothing beats coming home and having them greet you excitedly, with Skippy jumping up and down like a maniac for you to carry him, and Duffy running around your ankles and nibbling your toes to get your attention. (sounds horrible but really, VERY cute.)

meet Duffy:

he recently got his fur cut, and he looks so much smarter now! like groomed and presentable. hahahahaha so handsome please!

Skippy! (Mushroom)

totally love these photos of them, courtesy of Hongyen. heehee.

wanna go get clothes and booties for them, especially Skippy, since he pees on grass outdoors, whilst Duffy is not allowed to go onto the grass.

okay, i am very sleepy. just wanted to share these three photos with whoever's reading. (aka Cyn)

hehehe goodnight! <3



xoxo

Too much?

it feels like a long time since i've last blogged, but i guess i'm the only one keeping count right? shrugs*

oh well, i have loads and loads of outdated photos that i couldn't be half-arsed to upload and stuff, and i've been pretty busy of late and was really too lazy for words. (hahahahaha)

my blog is more for..... my own memories i guess? like when im really really free, i'd browse my old archives and read through the old posts and reminisce about how i was feeling when i wrote each and every post.

some were written with the happiest moods ever, and some were just downright depressing. honestly when i read through them again it hardly seems like stuff that i would have written? and i can't really remember much of what went on.

bad memory, or a subconscious type of self-preservation? in the sense that at least what i can't remember wouldn't affect me that much right?

oh wellz. so i started work, like finally, and i don't know what's going on on the school side of things. but i hate working life though. hate the inflexibility. but i guess that's just part and parcel of growing up? grown to used to be able to do what i wanted, whenever, without a concept of time and was only limited to one of the most superficial, and yet important symbol of all time, $$$$$.

customer service is interesting. but i'd blog about it another day i guess? makes mental note* that's probably gonna go into that really dusty area in my head where i keep all my mental notes. hahahahaha

so, photos! it'll be the first time i'm posting photos of mushroom/skippy. and i so hope the owner of skippy doesn't chance upon them. knock on wood*

and no, i didn't steal him. Wendy and Roy found him on their way home, and had the bright idea of asking me to look after him for the time being while the owner was supposed to be found. the next evening, Huishan + Wendy + Roy + Skippy/Mushroom and i set off to look for his owner.

anyway, his name was supposedly Mushroom because Wendy said he smelled like mushrooms. and he was so skinny when he first came! and shivering. now he's fatter and fluffier and his eyes can't quite be seen due to his fur!

the whole bad karma inducing thing, choy!* was that we actually managed to get a hold of the actual owner, but i really couldn't bear to part with him, so..... yes. but he looks damn happy now okay! defensive* should see him gambolling around with Duffy the Original Dog. damn cute please.

and they're friends already! who could bear to part the both of them. i find it so amazing that the both of them can pee at the same peeing area. i mean, aren't dogs supposed to be territorial? but the both of them aren't that aggressive either and they don't bite each other, though there ARE bouts of grumpiness coming from Duff at times. but they ARE friends!

cutie pie: 

okay, random photo of rabbit coming up: 

the babies after a shower! the both of them look so damn miserable. hahahahaha but yes they were blow dried after, so no worries about catching colds there. 

all dry:

oh! and duffy got a haircut! looks less fluffy but cuter now. heehee. i love cuddling with the both of them: there's really that kind of super blissful feeling. 

okay, so this is when Cyn and i baked cookies! She baked em for Paul. ahahaha. 

forgot to take photos of the ingredients and whatnot, but whatever.  cookie batter tastes so damn amazing, had to resist nibbling it all down.

hard at work:

 

done!

okay, so there was this day that Bec and i went to play mahjong with Wending and people (damn damn long ago), and i made my very first 13 yao!! hahahahahaha. proceeded to become a vegetarian for a week. (long story) 

and ya i know it's not really sth that's impossible? (since so many people around me have done it), but still you know how difficult it is or not!! -.-  ><

okay last set of photos: it was mothers day, and i rushed down to The Icing Room to make a cake for my beloved mummy. would've done it earlier, but i thought i was supposed to get the present instead. -.- 

act artsyfartsy photo of the decorative ingredients! 

normal: 

i should have left the cake like this. 

but instead i decided to use everything and it became this fugly looking thing: 

meh. but it's the thought that counts right? 

woah i think this is one of the longest posts i've ever come up with that consists of both photos AND words. its so hard to blog consistently with photos and everything. 

i have a feeling this post is TOO long. oh well, yet another round of compliments if you finished reading this word for word AND looking at the photos instead of just scrolling past! 

hokay, gonna get more shut eye before work. have i mentioned how much i have grown to hate working life? 

i think i did. sigh. 

xoxo 

Randomz.

hello lovelies! or whoever's reading. heh.

haven't updated my blog in ages, and i was about to get to it, but i was too lazy. and cyn reminded me to yesterday.

btw i haven't seen much of my girls except for Hs and bec recently! needa meet them soooooon.

random photos! which i have a lot of apparently. 

had a lot of thoughts on some random issues but due to the fact that i didn't immediately blog about it,  realize that i can't really be bothered to blog about it anymore. HAHA


okay, so buhbyez.




xoxo

Growing Old

Ben Randall: When the heck did we get old? 

Maggie McGlone: Hell, I've always been old Ben. Ya' know what though, I don't mind. I mean if my muscles ache, it's because I've used 'em. It's hard for me to walk up them steps now, its 'cuz I walked up 'em every night to lay next to a man who loved me. I got a few wrinkles here and there, but I've layed under thousands of skies with sunny days. I look and feel this way, well cuz I drank and I smoked. I lived and I loved, danced, sang, sweat and screwed my way thorough a pretty damn good life if you ask me. Getting old ain't bad Ben. Getting old, that's earned.

- The Guardian

watched this with daddy the night before. really meaningful movie, and this scene that took place between Randall and the Bar tender late at night really got me a new perspective on growing old, and i'd like to share it with whoever's reading this.

this scene turned something scary like growing old, into something beautiful.


xx

i love you daddy. get well soon.

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