i'm just a little caught in the middle/ just a little lost in the moment

"and i'll swim the ocean for you, the ocean for you, whoah kelsey."

haven't slept since..... i put down the phone with B, which should be around ten plus at night? been sleeping before that, at his place, even when he went out. i think his parents are amazed at how much i can sleep.

ooh Lady Gaga is on MTV right now. somehow she gets on my nerves, but her songs are okay luh, and i like her hair like super blonde.....! too bad i can't carry off blonde, and my hair will reallly wither away if i attempt anything that involves extreme chemicals at this point of time.

oh well.

so yes, i remember something about Defu lane in the past post, and a movie, and well plans were changed to Sicc instead, with most of the group, and Aldrin's house after.

photos: (hate my hair seriously regret it. need some major fringe recon damn it! and hair please growwwwwwwww ): pretty please with a hugeee-arse diamond on top!)

Mingkang!



August the Botak, and Darren, the nearly Botak.



Hongguo's new ride.





August, Hongguo and Yilin



Mabel and me!





Love.



yes, ugly hair omgoshhhhh. By the way people present (Sicc) were: Royston, Wendy, Juncheng Liangjie, Darren, August, Mabel, Mingkang, Hongguo, Yilin and me!

anyway, i have that urge to make a capelet out of denims from old jeans/skirts courtesy of my mum. but yeah have no idea if it'll turn out well or what.

and i just saw the advert for the latest scent by Gucci, me like the look of it, but heh i'm still aiming that Elizabeth Arden one. omgosh and that Tiffany and co. tag necklace.....

told B that he owes me that necklace, a charm bracelet from the same, that lambskin Chanel bag, and a letter. somehow i think i'll recieve the rest first before the letter. !!!!! and he was like 'when i ORD then i buy for you okay? no money now la dear.' HAH i sound like some gold digger huh, but to the contraryyyy! im not yo, far from it.

watching some stupid 'From G's to Gents' on MTV. it's kinda filled with guys who talk 'like dis aight, ya get whad i mean yo?' and ultimate posers. bet some people are going to start fighting soon; >.> but since there's nothing on right now and Ghost whisperer kinda scared me, i'm just gonna stay on this channel.

HAH! i was right, some guys started arguing already, and some of them are kinda drunk, cause the first thing they did when they stepped into the house was to search out the alcohol in the house, and start drinking like there's no tomorrow. oh well. alright it's quite entertaining.

Host: so why are you here?
Guy: well , i'm here because i want to be a gentleman.
Host: okay anything else?
Guy: Well, i can pee on my own, so that's why i'm here.

-..-?!?!?!?! HAHA almost word for word i guess, almost. damn funny he was like super drunk, and another guy was like "oh no he don't, when he said the 'i can pee on my own' hehehe.

can't sleep, can't sleep. and i'm getting hungry. damn! campbell's soup? cereal? mee soto? noodles? eggs? fried rice?

omg some other funny guy.

Host: So, why are you here?
Guy: i want to make a change
Host: okay....? (prompting him to say more)
Guy: well now i'm homeless.
Host: you're homeless? like homeless homeless.
Guy: i live out of my car?
Host stares at him.
Guy: It's a mercedes? (offers)

HAHA! well i think it'll be funnier if you watch it. and i can't believe i just blogged about it. like a whole damn chunk of words, more than a chunk.

hah hungry, like stomach growling, and i've got to clean up my room, again. rah.

got to get some shut-eye and get round to finding a job. money come to me please! please!





xoxo
running further to keep you closer

ps: thought a lot, about us. and it's a little scary, but it's a good kind of scary. lyyyyyy b.

guilty as charged

"to take, to love and to hold."

sometimes its the simpler pleasures in life, like chatting on the phone with your best friends, or going out for a nice meal, or simply just appreciating the people around you.

humans are greedy, and can never be content, but i'd like to think that after everything, i'm still able to sit down, and just breathe. appreciating life and the people in it, even if i feel that it could be better.

maybe i'm wanting more, maybe it's cause i've seen people that could do better. maybe because it's not the life i will want.

and i'm only 18 this year. maybe i'm really a true saggitarian after all.

these thoughts are bringing the heart down heavy once again, or perhaps it's just me, being afraid or wishing something bad will happen again, simply to fulfil that twisted mindset of mine that all good things come to an end.


just put down the phone with D awhile ago, and lately though i've had some thoughts, but yeah, i sincerely thank God for my friends, and those who truly, truly care about me. i'm sorry if i'm not always there, though if i could, i'd definetely always be there when my friends need someone.

guess there were a lot of things bothering me all these whiles, but the hole seems patched back up a little.

anyway, we were talking about experiences, and i do believe that there's no such thing as too young, or too old, it's that mindset of how you go about doing things, or what you've experienced. told him lots of times, "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger", for always, and yes, he agrees with me too. cause there have been times where i felt like dying, thought i couldn't cry anymore, felt too tired to breathe and yet, here i am, better then the girl i used to be cause the me now can actually look back and feel good about the things that happened.

but yeah the bad thing about it is it somehow hardens me up, like another brick in that wall i used to build, till Bb came along. i really believe in the 'opening your heart to another person' theory; if you are willing to open it to someone who previously wasn't in it, then it'll be much much easier. or something, can't put it into virtual words.

and i think i'll put aside these thoughts for now, about the past, present and the future, especially the future, mainly cause it scares me, a lot .

but yeah, though sometimes i'll feel alone and all, but i do know that i have friends who will be with me even if they don't show it. like what D said. and well, i feel really, really blessed. for everything. it's not about the quantity, it's about the quality yo!

and i really thank God for each and everyone of you. love.

kay Defu Lane tomorrow with the usual people, and a movie perhaps, so yeah i intend to bring a camera, so photos up soon (:

off to do something sweet.


xoxo
cause we're too young for forever

ps: i'll see you tomorrow, and it's another step to take.

truth be told, i'm lying

"later on, you'll hold the hand of the one you hate, and stomp on the heart of the ones you love."

i'm getting my body clock back! the normal one, like most people. sleep early wake up early.

job interview later, and fingers crossed that Bb can come out later on, and i hope the job is really not a dodgy one, cause the prospects sound quite good. in need of money uh, sigh.

supposedly i'm gonna become some lady like kind of girl, need encouragement! asked if there were a reward if i really become more ladylike and he immediately asked me to drop the idea, when its him who suggested it in the first place.

watching Boys over Flowers now on dramacrazy, and i'm feeling damn hungry.

been a long time since i met up with my girlfriends, feel so deprived of people lately, sighhhhhhh. like whole day slacking at home no lifing.NEED A JOB NEED MONEY WANT TO STUDY. URGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

repainting my nails and chatting with John. it's a miracle lah he's awake now! and the miracle is that he woke up instead of him not sleeping yet. guess we're early birds today.

photos in next post or something, my hair sucks so i didn't take much of them. ):

kay back to the show!


(i totally love xx's new site layout!)

xoxo
take that final step

ps: i hope things turn out for the best.

i want nobody nobody but you/ like you.

"don't kill the messenger"


mixed feelings, don't feel too good. too many emotions, too many which doesn't belong to me, but somehow got moulded right into the mix.

drama drama x 10, and what i know you'd not know till much later, but don't speak, liar!

code words, and hell yeah i miss my dearest b. a further 2 weeks or more till i can get to see him again. my life doesn't revolve around him, but he's a really important part of it.

am just in a very contemplative mode right now; wondering about decisions people make and what happens out of them. there should be some kind of OS in my head saying something like that sounds like something out of Desperate Housewives, about choices and stuff.

have always thought about the fact that it's not about the choice, but instead what you do after you make that choice. neglected the question 'but what about the process that led to that choice?' isn't that important as well?

for example, what happened to make people make certain decisions, which in turn leads to some sort of a ripple effect? and is it worse that bad decisions were made knowingly that more bad choices were going to come out of it?

not too sure head in a spin.

if they say 'yes i know, but xxxxx', does it make it slightly better than, 'i really didn't think about the consequences blablabla'. so, are rash decisions better on the meter than informed choices, though the end results are the same? or are the people who do it knowingly worse off?

and i guess the one you turn to is very important. hearts to give away, hearts to keep. it's hard to place feelings when everything is all mumble jumble and mixed up crazy.

and have you ever felt like you were standing on a mental cliff, and feel like you know exactly what's going to happen? the sight isn't pretty, not a nice one at all, feeling all powerful and yet utterly helpless in the would be/possible events. cause everything is linked by decisions; what you do leads to another, and another, and so on and so forth.

the all mighty and the fallen. kay that was random.

not trying to say anything in particular, just typing this down for the sake of it.

forget it, shan't do a lengthy post of words. shall come up with some photos soon. ugly fringe = no nice photos = forget it!



kay bye.


xoxo
kicking it all away

ps: i do hope everything will be okay. Please God. Please. Amen.

wherefore art thou?

"so i'd remember you"

remember how i was whining and whining about not getting to see ________, and complaining about his confinement and all that shit?

wellllllllllll,was in the midst of some horrible dream (i dreamt that he didn't want me LOL) and got woken up by his call.

and he was like 'B ah, you still sleeping ah?' then i was like 'mmmm yaaaa..... why??' then he was like 'i later booking out blabla.'

was damn tired, but that phrase really woke me up. HAHA! damn happy lah! hehe thank you God (((((: but sian he's booking in tomorrow night. but yeah i'm content since it's better than nothing!

horrible thing is my fringe la. fucked up DAMN SHORT i look like ..... ):

anyway..... dadadadummmmmmmmmm.....


i dig funny msn convos. trumped you (:



byeeee


xoxo
lover !


ps: see ya later (:

not like what you wanted

"wish you were here"

just woke up and suddenly remembered that my fringe is screwed.

met up with Binghui and Carson for some breakfast at Mac, Bh that idiot forgot that his birthday is actually on Tuesday, and not on Monday. and he actually went to want to count down on Sunday. like wthhhhhh. super bimbotic can!

after that, went for a haircut, and got majorly screwed, and now i look like..... it was quite horrible, then i went for another haircut to try to adjust the one i had, FRINGE PLEASE GROW!!!!!

full body massage, and it's my first time! like fully stripping down and getting massaged. was a bit weird, but totally comfortable. went for a footmassage too, at Hougang. different venue. went for the foot massage cause i really couldn't stand the oilyness. thank God for Mabel! HAHA.

saw Hongguo, Yilin, Darren, Juncheng and Liangjie, and played two rounds of pool, and got beat by Liangjie. HAHA. but i'm a pro kia okay.

headed home to crash, and here i am.

quite annoyed by some stuff that happened, a few days back. trying to understand it, but i gave up. maybe there are reasons behind it, reasons that stood through, but aiya fuck it lah.

shan't dwell on this.

what else eh. i'm damn bored. and that idiot got himself another confinement. like free only? -..- at this rate i'll only be able to see him in July or something. wah please don't like that. and it was cause he fell asleep in some talk. ahhhhhhhh ?!

got damn pissed off, but luckily there was that full bod massage thing to calm me down, till i didn't even feel like replying. but yaaaaaaaaa damn annoying RAH.

kay don't really feel like blogging alreadyyyyyyyyy.


(: am not one of those sappy girlfriends who go 'i love you like the sky the earth the water the win baby boy my lover boy sweet love' or something, but hehehehehe.



kaybyee!


xoxo
you're like sunshine through my window

ps: when are you coming outttttttttt?!?!?!?!?

love like you

"true hearts, don't stray."

okay, most of the photos will be taken from Huishan's fb, since the photos i took that night were damn horrible. seriously, i need a good camera instead of just using stupid phone cams, but some will also be from me.

mum has that hot pink metallic one, but i can't seem to find it, and that day when i asked her about lending/giving it to me she was like 'No.' straight up.

dad bought another one, but it's like damn heavy. seriously heavy. annoying lah!

okay so, this is the meal that Sebas cooked for me! the difference between our plates were like O.O mine was like a mountain and his was totally flat. and mine had a lot of meat and cheese or something. couldn't finish it so he ended up polishing it all, and i did the dishes for him ):



the guys blowing balloons for the decorations.







i got blow also lor! and so did Wendy and Huishan. hoho.



Roy looks very seh here, and he has that 'i want to eat this balloon' face.

























-----------------


that's all for Mabel's 18th, then the next day, Darren came back!

drama ensued; i believe people make mistakes. but there's always a price to pay. i'd know for sure.

went with him to Shina's place, and sat for awhile in the hot morning sun, waiting for them to be done. couldn't wait to leave too hot to be true.

look at the sunshine!



sans makeup, after a sleepless night full of *&)#@s. no photoshop, genuine sun rays!

got to get new lenses soon, 2nd month anniversary might just be coming up on my current pair. ick.

was supposed to meet Mabel for dinner, and Binghui for some midnight chats, but i guess i'm meeting him tomorrow instead!

have no idea how big the photos are going to be. hmmmmszxzx.

oh yeah, and B and i are back together again. some minor arguments, that got the both of us damn pissed at each other, but we're alright now and he keeps saying that i'm stubborn. but well, so is he.


anyway, am off to do stuff.


kthxbye.



xoxo
to do what's best for me.

ps: Bb, all my best words are in my diary.