cyn says: can you blog about something that is more optimistic?!

me: what!!!! have what!

cyn: *proceeds to read other entries*

27 november : mood pessimistic
26 november : mood sad
25 november : obviously pessimistic

me: OKAY LA.

LOL. i think i'm super pessimistic and dissatisfied with my life. or maybe i'm not content with the way things are right now.

okay i am, but i think i whine too much. oh well.


k i am going to change my blog url. ta ta delicatelikethunder@bs.com!

what's all this talk about love and all those love quotes about forever or about loving someone?

frankly i'm sick of all these bullshit. you love someone else just to make yourself feel whole. the whole thing is just a fucking cycle cause no one can ever be alone without feeling like something's missing.

i am feeling way too cynical for my own good, these days.

miserable without you.

:'(

best friends.

i'm hard to please, a little crazy at times, and emotional frenzies take me to another out-of-control level altogether, all too frequently. my first reaction to affection would be in-born sarcasm and i have difficulty showing or controlling how i really feel at times. i don't respond well to critics, no matter how well meaning they were meant, and i am overly blunt to the core at times. i find that i have no discipline, and i can't stick to what i say simply because i lose the determination to. i am way too fickle minded, even when it comes to the simplest of decisions. i am not pretty or lovable, not sweet or apt to do thoughtful things.

all i have, are words and simple gestures to show you that i truly care.

this goes out to all the people who have been with me through the years, through my changes, be it good or bad, through my worst times, and through my happiest moments. thank you for standing by my side throughout, and thank you for being there even though i've never deserved anything. i'll never know what's going to happen in one year, five, or even ten. but i just hope that you'd all know how much you guys mean to me, and know that i'm truly grateful to have each and every one of you to fall back on. and the same goes out for you. i'll be there, no matter what.

and even though i don't show it, you still mean one of the most to me. but over time i've realized that you were right. it's pointless to act like we still have something when perhaps the will to try again doesn't resonate as strongly as before mainly because of all the failed attempts. or perhaps they wouldn't be failures if we didn't let it. but it's hard to say anything, to show anything. you'd understand if you were me, if you wanted to. too many words and the weariest of them all: i miss you, i love you.


this isn't the end.



no, nothing happened. i just felt like saying something; scoff at it all you want. it doesn't matter.


///////


xoxo
baby, we're keeping it together. somehow.
sweetest of words, bitterest of hearts.

hi friend!

i feel so fat. and hopeless. i don't know why my stomach is so fucking bloated.

I AM NOT PREGNANT.

i just feel grumpy and fucked up that i'm fat fat.

))))):

on the phone with John now. he finally wants to talk to me. LOL. fucker sial. tmd smned! LOL. and he called me up suddenly. HAHA.

talking about stuff in the past. and it's damn funny!!!!! HAHA.

but at the point of time we'd be so totally O.M.G.O.M.G.

LOL.

kay shall go do something constructive. byebye:D


xoxo
true to your love.


ps: :D

hi, i feel quite distant from society at the moment.

went for some mahjong action at Aldrin's place after a movie at AMK Hub with A's mum and sister.

Huishan and i prepared a super delicious lunch for them. HAHA. :D

okay off to do whatever. goodnight.

20/11

"full circle, and then some."

i know i'm a few hours late, but still, better late than never right?

anyway, i know i said a few photos, but i honestly can't quite be bothered to dig them up.

okay okay this is spoiling the mood.

anyway, it was our eleventh three hours before, and there were constant reminders about how hard it was for us to get back together.

both of us made a lot of mistakes, and we both learned a lot about each other, and what it takes to save a relationship, or what to do to break one.

there was a point in time where i'd honestly, put you down and start to move on with my life, but somehow our paths brought us back, full circle. at first i was really hesitant of even walking down this again, of getting myself entangled in something that spells disaster all over.

but i guess you've proved to me that some things do change, and i've proved that some things never do.

i'm not gonna say things about how perfect we are for each other, cause we're not. we irk each other to no end, and we've been having the stupidest quarrels these few days, which only end when we can't quite keep up being angry at each other.

somehow at the end of the day, you make me forget why i even got mad in the first place, no matter how pissed off i was.

however, all in all. i do think that we are worth another shot, that's why i took that step. it's not going to be easy at all, we've a lot of issues left to work out and work through, but i guess that's part and parcel of every relationship?

we're very different people, and we're always disagreeing, but somehow we manage to get along, manage to talk about stuff, manage to be better than ever. and i guess it counts for something right?

i do hope you'll never stop being good to me, no matter how much i piss you off, or no matter how many times i do things that make you angry. and i hope that you know that i always say and do things on impulse, cause that's the way i am. but i'll try to rein that in, and stop flaring up at you when i get irritated.

we aren't perfect, and we're both stubborn as hell. i really wonder how long we're going to last before we try to kill each other, but even if i do kill you, i want you to know that i love you. <3

and i want to thank you for doing stuff for me, for meeting my friends though you'd rather not in the beginning, for wanting to please my parents (even though you blamed me when you explained to my mum about our quarrel), for attempting to be thoughtful and succeeding many times, and many many more.

okay, enough of the sappy stuff. you better treat me good okay, and remember everything we agreed upon. i love how you've taught me so much about myself, and how you've changed so so much.

i love you A. happy 11th.


xoxo
choices

ps: see you tomorrow!

pps: credits to K for the then/than spellings.