'Understand?

i'm staring at the screen, wondering where i should begin. perhaps with an expression of anger? or a sigh of regret, or a show of sarcasm and maybe a hint of sadness?

i could, but i won't. the path i'm choosing to take is simply, nonchalance. i guess it really shows something when a person who used to really care, really couldn't care less anymore. 

used to be,  i got affected at every little thing and the display of 'fuck it i don't give a damn about you', always was what it was; a display. it'd soon crack and disintegrate into nothing, leaving behind the naked and ugly facts that i had to face. 

but now..... his actions don't instill anger/disappointment/sadness in me anymore. instead it's more of a 'oh. haha. okay.' kind of feeling, though admittedly, tinged with all of the afore mentioned emotions. 

it's really not that i'm trying to take it easy, or fight the feelings. to put it more bluntly: 

you can't fight what you don't feel. 

time to take my medicine. the pills are huge, and i don't feel exactly good about that. oh well. 

x