i thank God that Bec was around yesterday. been a long time since we last hung out together, just the two of us. talking about stuff, and she came over even though she was sick, just because i needed her.

ate ice-cream, talked about guys, mostly. she fell asleep first, then i went to join her and we were both damn cramped on my single bed. i luv you, four blocks away.

been at least two weeks since i cried like that. a part of me thought i was over him, and another part knew that i wasn't.

then Bec told me, 'if you love that person, let him/her fly free.' okay, it does sound cliche and corny, but i agree, and i guess i was just being selfish by holding back, and not letting go. cause in more ways then one he was a good friend, mine, and a boyfriend, and i think i couldn't lose that.

it's gonna be so hard, resisting the urge to call or text.

fell back into that hole with all the shit that happened, and i wish to God that it didn't happen, and it's not happening right now.

took too long for me to change, and it's too late now. so so many things i regret doing, and i used to say i don't regret anything i've done. but looking back now, i do. always thinking he'll like other girls though they're just friends, thinking too much, doing things that he didn't like, from last time till now, like not going to school, texting with guy friends, interfering with other peoples affairs, doing silly things whenever i'm sad, smoking, etc.

swear i'm not doing any of those, except for the school part (at home today). but what am i trying to prove huh?
making mistakes all the way, should've known that no one can take that much of 'em.

my next boyfriend will be the one who enjoys everything. and i hope he'll love me wholeheartedly. like what the others have been telling me repeatedly.

don't miss him now, but i think i miss the him in the past, the one from my memories. like when we hug and all, that's the guy i miss, but a part of me misses him now now now now now. okay i sound weird and stuff like that.

need to sleep badly, been having sleepless nights idk why, and i can't sleep now though i'm dog tired. and have no energy to do anything, plus on and off stomachaches, and of course headaches as usual. just feel like sleeping and locking myself away till i feel better both physically and mentally.

i'm sorry if i don't reply or what, and please feel honored if i talk to you okay.

anyway. yeah. next guy, whoever you are, i'll treasure you. and treat you good!so you better treat me good too. -..-

okay severe lack of sleep.



xoxo


ps: DG, PLAAIBTASD.IGUE,AA. PM,PLHRTHLMAMA, PLHMMB, APLMBTKTHFWA. IJPNWPA.iwaimoatst, pjdltpoudo?
please. thank You.

Do you know what's worth fighting for
When it's not worth dying for?
Does it take you breath away
And you feel yourself suffocating?
Does the pain weight out the pride?
And you look for a place to hide?
Does someone break your heart inside?
You're in ruins

One, 21 guns
Lay down your arms
Give up the fight
One, 21 guns
Throw up your arms into the sky
You and I

When you're at the end of the road
And you lost all sense of control
And your thoughts have taken their toll
When your mind breaks the spirit of your soul
Your faith walks on broken glass
And the hangover doesn't pass
Nothing's ever built to last
You're in ruins

One, 21 guns
Lay down your arms
Give up the fight
One, 21 guns
Throw up your arms into the sky
You and I

Did you try to live on your own
When you burned down the house and home?
Did you stand too close to the fire?
Like a liar looking for forgiveness from a stone

When it's time to live and let die
And you can't get another try
Something inside this heart has died
You're in ruins

One, 21 guns
Lay down your arms
Give up the fight
One, 21 guns
Throw up your arms into the sky
You and I





why's.it.so.hard.....?
cringing from every word, accept it bitch.
you don't deserve any more chances.
you're in ruins.

don't know why these tears are falling.
confused, angry, disappointed, scared to death. FML.



tell me why i'm still missing him?

you make me so sick it's not even funny anymore.
i hate you, you fucking piece of shit. )))))':

exhausted, utterly.

houston, we have a problem.



xxxxx

where are you when i need you? anywhere but here, obviously. thank you

R.Plaza with Binghui and Carson. Carson's hair caught fire, hilarious ttm!

can't believe i'm so calm about this. or maybe i haven't started to get my thoughts together.

either way, i'm on my own.



i despise you.

steady your hands

"bringing it all back to you."

loads of photos, and i've been editing them all the way.

got to get a proper camera, my phone just can't make it! flash too bright making me look noseless and faceless, so i've decided to just go all the way with some. hehe

oh ya and some parts are censored for your own good. (:

events not in order:

a photo from that meetup with K, the only one of her.



some day from don't know when, and my whole face looks so damn swollen!



shawn, the dweepy runaway kid; from that night at H.Plaza.



Yilin's chalet, with Justin my Bitch! half of his face only, but the other one CMI. we should meet up soon! and i've no idea why only my face caught the flash, making it damn white.



some random changing room. I WANNA SHOP! ):




anyway, photos from yesterday!

now i know why Bec was so crazy over it! it's darn good luh!



and i know he'll kill me for posting this.



void deck near that free chinese medicine clinic that Mingkang and i went to ages ago.



the glove animal i made! cute right!!!!! brought it out to see the world. okayyyyy more like Kovan and all, but still, it's made with Luvvvvvvvvvvv!



















okay that's all! there're some more, but i think i'm too lazyyyyyyyy to edit. and i hate the way unedited photos look, cause it's only taken by a lousy handphone camera with an overbright flash.

i wanna steal my mum's digital camera! pinkkkkkkkk. ): and wait till i can afford my DSLR. which i think might be ten years down the road. LOL

oh yeah, so M'sia, supposedly. and well my parents woke up later then me and i got in at 6 am. -..- so look where i got my swine syndrome from? hehe.

school tomorrow, what a dragggggggggg. but the plus point of tomorrow is that i'll get to see Cynthia! provided she feels well enough, so fingers crossed! movie plus window shopping [ ):] and lots of cam-whoring.

we're totally in tune with each other sometimes, so much that it's scary. shan't elaborate here, but it's really freaky, the stuff that happened so far. anyway, luvvvvv you to bits darling, so see you tomorrrrrowwwww don't dua me! ):

oh yeah, i've been asking for a dog for the past few days, cause my neighbours got one! a little maltese puppy that looks so damn cute! makes me want one tooooooo. and my parents don't wanna get one. ): shall go on whining about it and see what happens. HAHA.

and i've got my eye on this Chanel bag, that's utterly pretttttyyyyyy. but can't afford it now, since my allowance is so crazily balanced. can't start to save for one either, but i luvvv luv luvvv it.....

Dad came into the room already, and he's going on about how i have to sleep cause there's school tomorrow, and blablablablabla. got.to.wake.up.in.time.no.more.skipping!!!!!

okay gtg bb luvs!



xoxo
if you meant what you said

ps: i'm really happy that you've said that you'll try to work things out, and i hope they do. @: