Dreamer

i thank God that Bec was around yesterday. been a long time since we last hung out together, just the two of us. talking about stuff, and she came over even though she was sick, just because i needed her.

ate ice-cream, talked about guys, mostly. she fell asleep first, then i went to join her and we were both damn cramped on my single bed. i luv you, four blocks away.

been at least two weeks since i cried like that. a part of me thought i was over him, and another part knew that i wasn't.

then Bec told me, 'if you love that person, let him/her fly free.' okay, it does sound cliche and corny, but i agree, and i guess i was just being selfish by holding back, and not letting go. cause in more ways then one he was a good friend, mine, and a boyfriend, and i think i couldn't lose that.

it's gonna be so hard, resisting the urge to call or text.

fell back into that hole with all the shit that happened, and i wish to God that it didn't happen, and it's not happening right now.

took too long for me to change, and it's too late now. so so many things i regret doing, and i used to say i don't regret anything i've done. but looking back now, i do. always thinking he'll like other girls though they're just friends, thinking too much, doing things that he didn't like, from last time till now, like not going to school, texting with guy friends, interfering with other peoples affairs, doing silly things whenever i'm sad, smoking, etc.

swear i'm not doing any of those, except for the school part (at home today). but what am i trying to prove huh?
making mistakes all the way, should've known that no one can take that much of 'em.

my next boyfriend will be the one who enjoys everything. and i hope he'll love me wholeheartedly. like what the others have been telling me repeatedly.

don't miss him now, but i think i miss the him in the past, the one from my memories. like when we hug and all, that's the guy i miss, but a part of me misses him now now now now now. okay i sound weird and stuff like that.

need to sleep badly, been having sleepless nights idk why, and i can't sleep now though i'm dog tired. and have no energy to do anything, plus on and off stomachaches, and of course headaches as usual. just feel like sleeping and locking myself away till i feel better both physically and mentally.

i'm sorry if i don't reply or what, and please feel honored if i talk to you okay.

anyway. yeah. next guy, whoever you are, i'll treasure you. and treat you good!so you better treat me good too. -..-

okay severe lack of sleep.



xoxo


ps: DG, PLAAIBTASD.IGUE,AA. PM,PLHRTHLMAMA, PLHMMB, APLMBTKTHFWA. IJPNWPA.iwaimoatst, pjdltpoudo?
please. thank You.