you can't fight who you're with.

"when vines are tangled up in your feet,"

i am supposed to meet A for a movie + spending time together, blablablablabla tomorrow/later on, but i am still awake! and still watching bev hills 90210 at that.

i find that i get really affected by what i read/watch, so i've to be really careful about what i watch/read so that it doesn't get absorbed too much into my life and my emotions. weird huh?

so anyway, Bb is going on a little trip to the mother fucking South China Seas, and he's leaving tomorrow night! muwahahahahaha i'll miss him though there is a certain saying that goes, 'when the cat's away, the mice will play'. not over the top though, i know my limits. stop rolling your eyes!

ahhhhhrhghh i hate scenes in shows that show people who break other people up by being manipulative blablablablabla. okay and why does this sound familiar?

okay there's this scene in the show where this guy called Ethan got into an accident while on the phone with his girlfriend. he was fine la, but he knocked into this girl called okay i forgot her name. Ethan and that girl started hanging out a lot, blablablablabla, some sort cause he felt guilty and stuff, and felt like he had more in common with that girl? like more things to talk about.

anyway, that girl is exactly those types i'd hate hate hate hate hate on sight. like what the fuck she kept acting all weak, and gentle and helpless. LIKE WHAT THE FUCK LA. talking in those super soft voices and relating bad experiences that make people go 'awwwwww' or ke lian her.

wtf i don't know how his girlfriend could stand it la! like if it's me i'd be totally 'fuck off already la!' and display my manliness or show her who's boss by insist on spending time with my boyfriend while he has to take care of her.

i think there were a lot of times where i totally wanted to slap some girls that i saw revolving around A. like seriously, i think i'm the super possessive sort, and i get jealous really easily. and it wasn't even their fault lor, i'm just an ass. i hate guys by the way.

but for the record, if there're such girls around him, like the cunning and manipulative bitches kind who wanna steal him away (confirm don't have one la. HAHAHAHA okay shut up) i totally won't play nice. and he won't get a nice ending either, if he even entertains them. i'm thinking..... castration and something involving boiling hot oil and cigarettes.

like seriously i hate those sneaky kind of fuckers who do all those planning stuff. (though i love Blair Waldorf) and i hate liars. h8 em to the core.

LOL okay random much.

i wanna go to that cheap k place that Sam mentioned about!!!!! i will not miss out anymore.

oh well, should get some shut eye. B's coming over to wake me up instead of me going over to wake HIM up. nice change, that. :D

goodnight people!


xoxo
lucky lovers.

ps: i miss you. every, single day.

medal of honor

"the bravest of the brave"

back from meeting Cyn and Isaac and some of his friends! the initial plan was to go catch a movie, but yeah too late for that, and we ended up heading to Eskibar to drink.

was dared to go talk to people from the next table and ask them to get us mixers, and yay gentlemen they were cause i didn't get rejected! haha

and yes Singapore is a fucking small place, cause turns out that they know A! we all got to talking after Eskibar closed for the night, and someone mentioned that they were from navy, and i called B and turns out they all know each other and are even from the same batch!

seriously they were like O.O OMG. YOU'RE AUGUST'S GIRLFRIEND??!! and someone was saying that we were super different and stuff like that. oh wellz.

even saw them at Tampines Mall once; Sg is really small! and it was super coincidental. but it's nice to FINALLY meet some of his campmates, apart from random people. even though i met them without him -.- HAHA. power to me! (and Cyn)

i think i'm super bad at names, can't remember much of them.

got into another tiff with B, about freedom issues once again. he doesn't like me to go club and drink (go out at night) and stuff like that, and i'm finding it difficult to give up my freedom.

so, ultimatum issued, all or nothing. i've no idea what to do. ya la i know. attached already cannot go out with other guys right!!!!! but seriously it doesn't matter to me whether there's a pussy or a dick down south. just friends right??

fucking irritating. and it's making my already aching head wanna explode; lousy alcohol tolerance = me nursing a hangover. swear the alcohol runs damn fast around my body. = good blood circulation?????

okay long enough post. i shall post up photos asap! though i look fugly in almost every one of them. oh wellz. doesn't matter.

k shall text Bb a long sweet message and hopefully he'll stop being mad at me like srsly. COMPROMISE!!!!! not me giving in entirely and not him giving in all the way either.

COMPROMISE!!!!! -.-

kthxnight!


xoxo
sweetheart.

dearest,

i've always thought that maybe, just maybe. he didn't matter as much as before, and it's true in more ways than one.

it's been easier than most times to just shut myself away into my head, and refuse to speak just because i got mad about certain issues that i deemed way too hard to get him to understand.

like what happened last night, just because it happened a few months back doesn't mean that it doesn't matter now, or that i shouldn't have went on an emotional frenzy like what i did. it doesn't make up for the fact that you're a changed person now, and it had nothing to do with trust.

granted, it might have been a small issue, but it was only seemingly diminished in size because of how long ago it all was. likewise, nothing can make up for the fact that this is something i'd remember and take to heart; to guard myself with at every point.

but perhaps a relationship should mean more than that. it was so easy to just call it quits; the words were nearly out of my mouth. however somehow they stopped short, on the tip of my tongue. perhaps our relationship means more to me now than ever before, and to you too.

cause it stopped me from walking out that door, and i think it made you realize many things about me, and about the dynamics of our relationship.

somehow after all these months, the foundation has become more solid, much stronger than before. we've come to understand each other, and we're getting to know each other more and more each day, as friends, as lovers.

today marks the first day of his sailing, a solid week of his absence from my side. perhaps i've grown too used, again to his presence near mine. to be honest i miss him already, and it sickens me somewhere deep down. strangely enough however, that same disgust is something i gather strength from, but i can't understand that contradiction fully, not yet at least.

my emotions still seem to be hidden away in the pit that i've dug and covered up with solid mind cement. cracks are coming through though, i feel them at times, strong feelings that make me want to cry and scream at the same time.

it's funny how you can interpret chunks of text differently, depending on what you're going through. we all could take a little something from everything if we wanted to, and i'm gonna milk this experience for all it's worth.

all or nothing? i keep coming back to you, love. and i do, despite everything; love you, i mean.


xoxo
faith.

bored

hi, i am in a state of extreme irritation right now. like the past few days, my mood has been fluctuating between spates of contentment, and intense irritation.

i hate that i could be out singing cheap karaoke at kallang, and instead i am stuck home, using the computer. fucking annoying!!!!! and i can't even begin to explain why i have that need to head out every single night.

seriously why can't i have my cake and eat it too? like for example, have a boyfriend and still be able to go out with my other friends?

i wish i had super powers, like levitation or something, so i can just stare at stuff and they will move to where it belongs. seriously, if i could do that, my room will be as neat as anything. CONFIRM. cause i'm always visualizing where everything should go, and yet i can't seem to move my ass to clear stuff up. >=[

having a migraine now. sucks!

ah gong's birthday on saturday, and A's going off on the weekends to sail. and for the whole of next week too.

friends say that i sound happy whenever i mention the fact that he's going to be away for quite a few months next year onboard his navy ship. LOLLOL. but i'm really quite neutral about it. think i'll miss him a lot. LOL okay i sound like such an ass, i know.

i'm just being grumpy and all cause i can't go out. RAH. irritated ttm.

k. photos can't be uploaded. be back later on perhaps?



xoxo

edited:

proof that i really did go to school.



from the 11th while having a family dinner for the twin's birthday.

















and Binghui and i! i've no idea why i always turn out to be the one looking like the ghost when the flash is on. hate my hair. fuck it when is it gonna grow long??!?!?!?!!!!!!

been thinking of curling it though.






effing full. mac's fries for supper = unhealthy + fattening. oh my God.....

anyway, i found out that my mum does read my blog as i've suspected. and she requests that i use lesser vulgarities blablablablabla.

oh well. this is my space to rant though, so we shall have to see about that.

kay have to wake up by ten. fingers crossed that i can wake up and not let exhaustion get the better of me! DETERMINATION AND DISCIPLINE PLEASE!!!!!


xx.

happy birthday!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TWINNIES! thank you for always helping me wash the stuff, hang clothes blablablablabla. and treating me like the elder sister i am, though sometimes i really act like i'm the youngest in the family. :D i luv you two idiots, though you'll never see this.oh welllllllz.

no photos till i feel like taking some. must.go.on.diet.now!!!!! but there's a family dinner later on. HOW. omg.

heartbreak really is the best way to stop eating. how ah. ????? i wanna exercise i can't stand all these fucking fats i keep eating non stop i swear. omg.

fuck this. i hate feeling fat i fucking hate it but i eat on the spur of the moment without thinking of consequences. JOHANNA TEO GROW SOME DETERMINATION CELLS PLEASE!!!!!

never again.

i'm so angry i can't even find the words to express how angry i am right now.

oh and it's mixed with disappointment and hurt.

like what i told Huishan, i really don't feel like being reasonable now.

maybe the Johanna of the past would be saying sorry, promising not to do it again, blablablablabla.

but i'm not the girl in the past. not the one who will bend over backwards just to get him not to leave me. not the one who'll change everything just to become closer to his idea of a perfect relationship.

if it's anyone leaving, i'll be the one who walks first.

trust. HAH!

asses

J, delicatelikethunder.blogspot.com says (11:49 PM):
*Too nice.
Different.
Very hard worker.
Wise.

*which one is me
cynthia; says (11:50 PM):
*too nice
*different
*either 1
J, delicatelikethunder.blogspot.com says (11:50 PM):
*hmm which one is me more
*more me *
cynthia; says (11:50 PM):
*vhw
*no
*wise.
*=.=
*LOL
*not wise
*smart maybe
J, delicatelikethunder.blogspot.com says (11:50 PM):
*LOL DECIDE
cynthia; says (11:50 PM):
*definitely not wise
J, delicatelikethunder.blogspot.com says (11:50 PM):
*Too nice.
Different.
Very hard worker.
Wise.

J, delicatelikethunder.blogspot.com says (11:51 PM):
*-.-
cynthia; says (11:51 PM):
*totally lazy bum
*different or too nice either one
J, delicatelikethunder.blogspot.com says (11:51 PM):
*STAY IN THE OPTIONS!!!!!


----

J, delicatelikethunder.blogspot.com says (11:50 PM):
*Too nice.
Different.
Very hard worker.
Wise.

*which one am i
BOTAK SAM 吉祥物 says (11:51 PM):
*hahaha
*hmmm
*wise
*wait
*different
*hahaha
*u are not wise
*=x


wthhhhhhhhh! i am so totally wise okay!

need.to.tidy.my.room. fucking annoying btw, went to school and there was no school. .....
bye!


xoxo

ps: seven days, one and a half months, four to five months. the road is long my dear. will absence really make the heart grow fonder or would it just prove the fact that out of sight = out of mind?