NYE.

A new year is gonna be ringing in in a few hours time. probably like 11 hours or something. my math is still as bad as the years before this.

i guess my year has been pretty uneventful? at least i can't remember much significant stuff that happened.

studies - still the same? LOL stuck in that whole..... fucked up thing tho things are slowly improving. trying to get the hang of that whole discipline thing and getting my priorities straight. met some pretty awesome people in my new class this year and i love them to bits. hehe

family - pretty much still the same, tho i'm on better terms with my parents nowadays? things were pretty fucked in the past cause i totally disregarded them and kept staying out blablablablabla. i've learnt to account to them about my whereabouts and schedule, and they're quite okay with it when i say i'm gonna head to a club or go 'drinking' (since i don't/can't drink) tho they still add the whole 'don't come back too late, better be careful' etc kinda thing. but all things considered i think i've learnt that they'll be there for me no matter what. like my sisters, who called me yesterday when they were just outside my door cause apparently they heard me crying and offered me hugs and words like 'don't cry already la. if you have one dollar for every tear you've shed you'd be rich by now' and needless to say i've really grown to appreciate all the care and love they heap onto me by the truckload. not that i didn't before, i just do more than ever now. hahahahaha

friends - made some new ones, grew closer to the ones i already had. had more quarrels with some of them more than usual but i guess that's just a process of growing closer? really thankful for how i keep meeting really good people who become really good friends. and how the old ones just keep getting better every time. hahahahaha sounds like a beer ad. i love you guys! been there for me every single time i felt down or unhappy, and making sure i'm alright, that i'm not alone, listening to all my shit etc. thank each and every one of you so so much. and i'm sorry if i'm an ass sometimes. (SOMETIMES) hehe i know you guys will still love me rightttttttt? blinks*

love life - it's like the same as the previous two years. things are at a standstill now and i've no idea where to go from here. i used to think that things could get better, but we've seemed to reach an impasse, neither sides willing to back down from where we stand. it's not easy saying goodbye and i wish i don't have to. really really don't, but everything's so unsure, we're just hanging precariously. even so, i've realized this year that if he wants to put his mind to it to really treat me good, he can. but that's something that should come from within and not a decision? at least that's how it is for me. i screwed things up by doing things rashly but maybe it's all for the best? i don't know. very very confused about this and it's so frustrating. in the new year i hope things will be different, for the best.

me - this year i've learnt that i actually get scared? of growing up, of responsibilities, of commitments. i shy away and i avoid. i've learnt that i'm actually more screwed than i already am, but i'm trying to figure things all out. learnt that there ARE consequences no matter how much you run away from them and they'll just slowly sneak up onto you. learnt that sometimes you have to do things that you don't want to no matter how tough it is. haven't learnt how to let go, nor conquer my fear of saying goodbye. not yet. realized i don't know myself.

okay fuck duffy just chewed on my chouchou till the cotton came out ): immediately started crying. fuck so symbolic.

don't feel like blogging already bye