Dreamer

"all these meaningful words, would you listen?"

currently over at Sebas's place, and i'm typing away in the dark cause he's sleeping.

my phone is out batteries and i've no charger, hence i'm sorry mum and dad i'll have to call you tomorrow to tell you that i'm safe, since Sebas is sleeping like a pig and i can't use his phone.

went out to dinner with him, his mum, Sam and Shermin cause it was Sam's birthday. happy birthday btw! you asshole stop laughing at me like always. i'm smart too yknow. HAHA.

lol. and it was quite horrible just now, cause anybody i called who knew about A and i kept scolding me. seriously like every single person. and kept calling till my phone ran out of battery.

i think my alcohol tolerance is damn lousy cause i only drank three cups of cold sake and couldn't take the after effects. -..- still feeling a bit woozy hence the order of my thoughts aren't very orderly. HAHA.

feel hungry now though, cause i puked everything out -.- but i feel so proud of myself cause i didn't call him up and cry though i think i did call him. but i didn't cry! and ya i'm fucking lousy..... omgz.

but felt really terrible today. made a bet with _____. if i lose = i'll be his girlfriend. and if he loses = he'll be my dog. lol but i think i will win, cause i believe in A. i didn't realize how much i trusted that he still won't let me down like that till _____ kept saying otherwise. then i kept saying 'no lor he's not like that anymore' blabla.

OH YA. i scalded myself today. so ke lian rightz -..-

anyway, i think i'm gonna go before i say anything else. gnight whoever's out there.

i think my ps's are always written as if he'll read it, but i know he won't. but it just makes me feel better typing it so i can pretend he does. -..-


xoxo

ps: when it comes down to it, i'd still do the same for you no matter what anyone else says. went through a lot of shit today for you, but it's something you'd never know cause i'd never tell and you'd never care enough. but i think that's what i've realized; i deserve better than you. not cause you aren't good enough, but because i deserve someone who loves me whole heartedly. i realize that now, but the thing is this: it doesn't make it any easier to get over you.

edited:

it fucking sucks to be me right now. i've turned into one of those girls who keep pining over their ex-boyfriends and it's so irritating and sickening. i can't concentrate, haven't slept properly for a month plus, and everyday is that same old cycle..... and yet he's doing fine. though up to his neck in shit, but still, fine. how is it that he's so okay without me and i'm barely holding it together without him? ]: it fucking sucks to be me, i swear. i hate looking at happy people, and it's funny cause i don't even hate him for breaking my heart.