Dreamer

i wanna thank this idiot over here, one of my bestest. for scolding me.

he said, "Joh, he doesn't love you. if he did, he'll be the one talking to you now, not me. he doesn't love you, if he did he'll be the one consoling you. he doesn't love you lah he doesn't even give a damn that you're wasting all these tears for him lah! he doesn't deserve it lah?! that @(@*)%@)" etc etc.

cried even harder when he told me that, and i kept begging him to ask him to say that to me over the phone, and like sobbing and sobbing and whining and whining.....

asked Bh to repeat it three times, and he dutifully did, and i think it sank home. cause no matter what i'd still tell myself that he really does love me, somewhere deep down. and that's so fucking stupid yknow, cause just cause i still remember him and love him, doesn't mean that he feels the same way. and obviously he doesn't.

so, thank you Binghui! and i'm sorry i made you feel so fucked up seeing me like that. you were right. you guys will always be there for me, and he won't. he just came into my life for one year, i'm not gonna fuck up the rest of my life cause of that one year.

and like those passer bys said, if we're meant to be, we'll be together again. yeah maybe words of comfort like some beacon of hope thing, but still i'm determined to make myself better. it's gonna be damn hard, but i've got to get my foot out of this hole at least. and take it one step at a time.

there's really no point looking back, thinking and crying. it just makes me seem all the more pathetic, and it's just heartbreak. it really just is heartbreak. and i've got so much more going on for me in life, no?

i'll be better. no, i'll be the best.

just you wait, i'll get over you. and if that day comes where you find out that you still love me. MUWAHAHAH. (okay lah delusional, but let me have my fun) HAHAHA. okay, when you find out you still love me i'll totally say 'too late,what's the point?!?!?!" HAHAHAH. okay i so totally won't. but i really do hope i'll get a move on soon.

kay bye. park lane i think? and i'll look like shit with swollen eyes. tsk sigh sigh sigh sigh.


xoxo
starts with goodbye.

ps: holding what i have left and leaving with my head held high. byebyebyebyebye.