turn the other cheek and erase you.

isn't it funny how after all these time, we've sunk back into it.. the giving of hearts and crying over it later.

doesn't get more ironic than this, i think; cause i'm acting so fucked up to others and yet acting like them to him. yknow i really wanna burst out yelling, 'i'm not like the others don't treat me like other girls i don't know why i'm so hung up over you i don't know why i cry over you you don't give me any reason to you aren't anyone but my ex boyfriend.'

and i wanna tell him i'm not some desperate shit i don't know why i'm taking that initiative to go talk to him again aren't i supposed to leave it behind? and what happened to wanting to improve myself fuck macdonalds fuck lays. fuck it fuck it.

why can't i just go along with anyone who comes my way, why'd my heart still gotta be so picky why can't i just like someone else already.....? it's so damned annoying, i feel like screaming 'get your claws off him bitcheszxzxzzxzxzxzx!' but fuck it it's him it's him. and it's so pathetic feeling jealous over someone you don't even know.....

fuck it lah when my heart recovers i swear..... i'm gonna put a lock on it, seal it shut with super strength elephant glue yknow that fucking sticky one.

i'm sick of typing down my thoughts cause my emo shit ones are all about him, why do i even want him to be sad cause of me?????? swear i'm going a little nuts why can't i sleeeeeeeep.....?

Katy Perry's 'Thinking of You' is going on in my head now. wtfffh.

and yknow i know that i'm not even fucking sad over him or what anymore, it's just that at times i really do feel sad from missing him and from how we turned out. and sometimes i do have that 'i feel like calling him and telling him i want him back' urge. hahahaha and if i say it out loud people will give me a 'wtf?!' look and start saying 'move one laaaaaa' like okay i know ..... i know.....

i know i'm sort of happier off not being in a relationship cause there aren't any restrictions, i'm free to go out with whomever i like, as late as i please, to any venue i want, do whatever, talk to anyone of my friends without feeling guilty or afraid, etc. but yknow, i just miss him. but i don't know what i miss about him. that's the weird part.

it's..... idk. gets me a tad pissed off when i hear about the part where freedom was an issue, cause fuck it la, look at yourself and your situation, then come and look at me and mine. why did it seem like you could do things you wanted and i couldn't? but maybe not to that extent either, cause afterall it's really different perspectives.

i don't wanna understand his points cause he won't ever try to understand mine, or where i'm coming from. or rather, came from. but he really should have tried. or maybe he did and i didn't see it.

aiya shut up time i'm just rambling on. 6:45 am. shall sleep in awhile and wake up to study. today shall be 'stay at home day'.

and seeing the fortune teller with _____ tomorrow, and maybe outing with Bec? not sure too. >< tomorrow, tomorrow.

i feel like such a bitch, seriously. oh wellszx.



oh ya today i backstabbed someone. i feel guilty. like seriously.



xoxo
i... you.

ps: respond. respond. respond. respond. respond.