keeping the peace

"lean on me, you're supposed to; and i'll be here for you."

dog tired, and it's in the AMs and i'm supposed to be all tucked up and asleep by now so that i won't be late for school tomorrow, but here i am blogging and chatting with beloveds online. so so glad for the internet, cause recently i haven't been relying on my phone much, except to communicate with my dearest Bb.

well, so the class is quite interesting; contents of the lessons, and the lecturers. one of 'em practically announced that he's gay in a roundabout, in your face way. hehe

but the FML part is coming: almost all of my classmates know each other already, from that previous certificate they took, so all those little 'clique' things have already formed = NO FRIENDS FOR ME! LOL.

awwww shucks. -..- we'll see though. maybe i can get my mouth to open and interact.

met up with Mum after school, and went to Vivo. ate some japanese food that was darn yummy! and shopped around. the most exasperating thing was that the shoes i wanted weren't in my size! damn annoying lah! and the shopowner said that a girl just bought the second last pair in the store, which were in my size. fuck it i tell you.

and i swear i'm going back to fareast and get the fake pair. LOL. cannot stand it lah really. I WANT THOSE SHOES! and i want the faded grey denim wash jacket that i had my eye on at FEP. damn it not enough money!

oh yeah the 'aftermath of the first day of school' (some of the dears will know what i mean. HAHA shhhhh!) was spent at FEP. met up with Mabel and Xuanming and Darren at FEP. shopped around and i bought a pair of shoes, while M bought dresses and all. i need more shoes/bags/tops/bottoms/accessories(sp?)/dresses and all.

went for a manicure with M after dinner with Xm, while D was finishing up his tattoo. it looks really nice; the tattoo i meant. completed with a 'lamppost' -..- makes the urge for tattooing myself even stronger.

when i'm rich, when i'm rich. and the chanting in my head continues.

meeting up with Bc on Thursday i think? most hopefully! haven't seen her since April 19th = Huibing's birthday! (Weewee's birthday too!) and we've been saying we'll meet up since forever.

and Bb's booking out on friday! and then maybe finally we'll be able to spend more time together. haven't really been talking much lately, save for a few messages and phone call every night to just talk about what happened during the day and all. but i've to save more money, since we're pretty much a very broke couple. ><

oh yes! and karaoke with Shiqi and Eve next week to celebrate Shiqi's belated birthday! been ageeeeeees since i saw Shiqi lah! and we haven't been contacting for damn long too!and to think last time it would be meeting her almost every week with Eve! like what she said, a lot of things to fill me up about, and vice-versa, so hopefully we'll be able to catch up then! anyway, HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR I LOVE YOUUUU!

alright, a million movies i want to catch (alright maybe not a million), but no time/money = ))))):

and! i want to change phone leh! blackberry/iphone where are youuuuuuuuuu! i just want a nice phone that i can bling plus got wifi and all one! ))))): but it's so freaking ex!

kay i think it's bed time. else i won't be able to wake up in time tomorrow! though classes are at 3 in the afternoon..... i don't doubt my ability to oversleep and be late. LOL.

and! BINGHUI AND I HAVE AN ETERNAL FRIENDSHIP THAT'S SEALED BY CHOCOLATE COVERED DONUT HOLES WITH SILVER SUGAR PIXIE DUST! (he rejected the cherry diamonds -..- picky!)

oh yeah a few photos to post up too! of that meetup with Bec and Cyn, and Huishan's birthday! (once again shall steal from her Fb! HAHA)

so..... those who are interested, keep watch on this space! (:


goodnight dearies!


xoxo
with all of your love.

ps: baby i miss you.

out of your element

"fast forward to us"

aisjdahfjnajdnidafknadi.

dum dum dum dummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

SCHOOL TOMORROW!! nervous like some kind of............. AHHHHHH! screams wildly and runs about with hands in the air.

so nervousssssssss! though i've no idea of what i'm being nervous about. but yeah. FIRST DAY! -..- HAHA.

just gonna wear some any old how shirt and shorts, not comb my hair, not put on any makeup, not brush my teeth.....

ya rightttttt. been telling Bb how nervous i am, and he was like 'you're just going there for school, blahblah.....' but it's still very important okay! i mean, first impressions and all that shit.

i remember back before i started poly, ahhhhh. and thinking i'd have no friends. thank God i left poly knowing darlings like Cyn and Bec! pretty good for only about half a semesters worth of attendance huh?

but..... ughhhhh. i hate those kind of new awkward situations thingy. horrible ley.....! very nervous lor. jia you youuuuuu! JYJY!!!!!HAHA. damn i'm babbling. . . . . .

alright shall be back to edit about events later; am on the phone with Bec now.

xoxo
he'll be worth it.

cause when you're in a good mood, the whole world sings with you

"kicking back those heels"

tadahhhhhhh, can't believe i'm three days away from starting school again! after a 'sabbatical' of..... about a year? give or take the wasting my time not attending my former school part. ><

and i saw the clock at 11:11! someone misses me......~~~~~~~~~

meeting Bec tomorrow at twelve, and Cyn later on for lunch. Hope the money comes through in time! gonna do my brows first and foremost! damn horrible.

and transformers on Saturday with Bb and the rest, haven't seen Mabel for a long time, it seems.

got to do my brows my brows my brows my brows my brows!!!!! been wanting to do 'em since for-ever, (okay, not so much) but yeahhhhhhhhhhhh, didn't. so tomorrow's the day! I-DON'T-CARE.

okay, so online shopping say hurray! mumsie's been a dear and she's so nice as to give me a little to go shopping with! absolutely loveeeeee shopping! hate hate hate hate hate being flat broke though, so i've got to save up!

and i wanna bring Bb to nice places to eat since he's been spending on me through foods and stuff though he hasn't got much this month. tsk, the both of us can spend money like water! and it can't go on any further.

alright, shall go look at stuffs then go maple and bathe, then off to rest already.

Bb's coming out in one days time! suddenly i feel very excited to see him, anddddddd..... i miss you babyyyyyyyyy!

okay shut up. alright photos up soon. (Did i mention i lost the memory card for my digital cam damn it lor i don't dare tell my parents plus i don't know where the hell it is, and i've changed back my phone already, so lesser pictures maybe.)

kay goodnight worldddddd!



xoxo
to what's to come,
to what we'll hold

ps: i luvvvvvv youuuuuuu!

the sweetest silence in your eyes

"your fingertips across my skin"
supposed to be reading up on some reading material my dad gave me for my course. and it's mother-fuckingly thick and horrible with fine print. killing my eyes, and it's making me sleepy to-the-maxxxxxxxxx, and my hand is aching cause i'm making notes along with it.

i really hope that i'll be able to cope with everything; it seems like such a taxing/demanding course, study study and more study. hate that part, studying, scribbling endless notes, struggling to keep my eyelids up, fighting the temptation to just crash on my bed/ find other entertainment.

one good thing about going back to studying is the allowance i'll be able to get. high and dry these few months, okay not exactly so, but it's hard to manage without an exact amount coming in. took too much for granted, loved those few months where i had my pay; queen of the worlddddddd! i felt.

guess money does really make the world spin, a huge part of mine at least, and i'll bet yours too.

another good thing is the excuse to get more clothes! added up the total amount of everything i want to buy that i saw online, and it totalled up to approximately $509.

wonder if i'll ever get the $$$$$ to get it. sucks luh.

i wanna be rich i wanna be rich i wanna be rich i wanna be rich i wanna be rich..... uh duh.....? who doesn't?

alright, so maybe meeting up with Bec on Thursday, hopefully. and meeting Bb tomorrow for his hospital checkup, then maybe hopping over to Sebas's place for some chit-chat after.

i dread the 29th..... !!!!1!!1!!!!! gosh don't know what to wear, what to bring; i'll probably forget to bring stationary; the essentials. blablah. and hiding in a corner like some loner. f()ck, starting all-over-again. okay at least it's better then nothing; and i want change, i guess, it's just the very thing i'm afraid of too. don't humans always?

ick, and i just realized that "Psychology 3rd Edition" has become a mini table upon which my laptop has come to rest. -..-

darn tired, so i guess i'll go get my shut-eye. Bb'll throw a fit if i show up late again. but i can't help it lah! and even he conceded that 'good things are worth waiting for', totally taking a leave from my book when he said that to his mum or something.

i want my items..... ))))): i want to shop, i want money. and i think Bb just sighed when he heard that i want to spend money. can't help it la. after i clear debts, then i confirm go splurge already.

tsk.

kay off i go. ima be a rich person! sheng sheng sheng, mama zhui bang!

and i just realized my music was on at full blast, think there's something wrong with my brain/ears; i have a damn good ability at tuning out things.


xoxo
i'll hold you up sugar.

ps: cause sometimes it's good, sometimes it's bad; ................ in my head till further notice.

edited:

i'm not going to trust anything that you say. (:

thinking of that very last ________ xx

"so what are you, what are you, shades of blue black and grey."





contemplative mood, and once again i find myself in an absurd place at a time where i could be sleeping or something.><>

and it's 3.13am, and i'm supposed to play for another 2 and a half or so hours. GAHHHHH! oh well.

so how was my day spent? with Bb at his place, till late and dinner with his family at plaza. i'm amazed by my appetite! ate a whole moutain of rice today, and the guy asked me "na ge ji ge ren chi de?" (asking how many people will eat what i ordered). and i said "yi ge!" (one [me]). and he gave me an unsure look, and said 'ni chi de wan ma?' (can you finish it?)

B's mum gave a "o.O" look when i sat down with the plate. and she expressed some 'wahhhhness' when i finished it -..-

so yeahhhhhhhh..........

needa pee kinda badly, but i'm afraid to! did i mention the movie after at Amk Hub with Darren, Mabel, Roy and Wendy? oh ya don't think so. we watched 'Drag Me to Hell' wha i think i only watched around 1/4 of the movie.

d4mn scary! okay maybe not, but it's full of those sudden outbursts, and gruesome faces and lots of gory details. spent the movie burying my head into B's shoulder. could feel him suddenly cua-sai-ing and jumping up, or getting startled.

oh yeah and i think the director might be a little hard of hearing, cause the sound effects ARE SUPER LOUD. like reallllllyyyyy loud. -..-

hmmmmm. and lately i've been thinking, about friends and stuff. and i thank God for that auto-mechanism thing that makes me edge away from that person if he/she's not very nice. and i don't take in good friends so easily anymore.

i don't know why eh, but that's just how i've become. though the ones that are dear are stillllll dear. no matter what, and how circumstances go.

guess it's just me that's grown more wary, still keeping a distance, so i won't fall unless i want to.

makes sense, no?

cause sometimes it's really mixed, the vibes i get. think what you want, i won't say anything more on this space.

anyway, i really need to pee, but the lanshop's toilet has a 99% probability of being fucking dirty. ( i mean HELLO?! i think i'm the only female here and guys can pee standing up, and most of the time, NOT-VERY-ACCURATELY.!) and stupid A doesn't wanna go with me to the petrol stations, and i'm too much of a coward to go there alone. one of the worst places to go to after a scary movie can!

i keep staring at the toilet longinglyyyyyyyyyy. oh gosh.

shall attempt to peek in it. and shall end this blog post. !

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY DADDY DEAREST! I LUV YOUUUU MUCH, THOUGH WE'RE NOT REALLY TALKING ))))):

and Happy 8months Bb!

xoxo

what you really want, odds are you can't have.

we are what it is, we are what we make it

"love, no ?"

so, i went and did it again.

feel like deleting my blog, sudden urge, random thought. there's nothing to blog about anymore, cause after all, what's on this space are just my thoughts, and these days the words just sound ten times better when in my head. no sense when it's out and said.

quarreled, again.

and thank God for darling Cyn and Bec. though Bec made me tear up because of her message. i luvvvvvvvvvvvv you 22222 lots.

and somehow i'm just sitting here wondering about those possibilities, i know it can go either way, i mean, if i want to let it slip away, it'll just go through my fingers, and it's a brand new day.

i was thoughtless, selfish, like i always am. maybe cause i've always thought about how important he was, thought about how i never seemed to be.

and somehow i've missed what he was trying to say all along.

i miss you.

even though we've seen each other every day since, i miss you.

even though i'm going to meet you later, i miss you.




cause i dont know what i want, and what's right for me anymore.



xo,
love, maybe i didn't in the first place.

taking us back

"cause i've reached the end of my tether; the straw that broke the camel's back."

made use of the free time during Maple patch to do some editing and blogging.

still at Liangjie's, and the others are holdem'ing.

thinking of..... but yeah. sometimes you're really able to see the importance of yourself when it comes down to it, or perhaps it takes nothing at all, and it was staring at you right in the face, but just..... you refuse to take accept it, and now you've to make a decision, if you're still going to go along with it.

or perhaps sometimes it's too much, to be taken too lightly, too much. and when that person you're dealing with is the person that wields power over your heart, you find yourself powerless yet again.

fuck it yet again, still.

dad cut off my phone line again. sick of it. again with the expectations, i just wanna fucking enjoy myself, before the 29th. couldn't control myself and out a 'fuck!' came before i hung up on him.

filial piece of shit i am huh.

just making use of this space to rant, to say the things he'll never see, to let out the things i'll never tell him, cause it's just too difficult. my heart ain't indestructible. i swear.

and i don't think being nice pays off at all. sometimes, or rather most of the time, it seems like putting yourself all out there just ends up with a consequence of..... some not very good things.

hah.

alright just leave it. nothing to be done for now. 20th..... survival rate? HA.

photos:

some random day at Plaza.





some random shot.



K-garden the other day.





they just love it



him, especially.







star of the night, meet my bff!





Mingkang testing out his new career.



this super nice taxi driver named 'Eetong', after the mahjong tile. (owner of the cab Mingkang attempted to drive. he took us around the carpark, when we couldn't decide where to go; seven sitter, eleven/twelve people. how?! and he was like 'ohhhh! zhou looooo!' and proceeded to drive around the carpark. then Liangjie pretended to hail the cab from the other side, then he slowed down and 'ehhh zhe me qiao ah?!" or something like that. HA nice luh, and they even went to smoke together.



alright, end of photos, more in my phone. shall post some other time.


xoxo
to much to run from, nowhere to hide.

ps: i can't feel anything anymore. perhaps. but it's the weary heart that shields itself time and time again.

it's the way you swagger/in your eyes.

"sometimes it's just what you are, stopping us from being who we really are."


at Liangjie's place, and there's that deja-vu feeling, reminiscent (sp?) of that 11 days 'chalet' last year. nice days man. (not to mention the thing about runny noses and non-stop sneezes.)

so, been stuck on maple, level 70 courtesy of Guorui and August with vac and God mode. ha .

A's p-o-p on Saturday, with his family at Changi Naval Base. Fucking tiring and sweaty affair, but well kinda worth it. like finally, huh.

been arguing and making up, but yeah mostly it was me getting annoyed/pissed then blabla. but yeah. just plain don't like some stuff luh. damn annoying. f()ck.





_l_ bu xi huan. really.


i mean why you wanna do something that's obviously way out of your limit? and if you don't have the means to do it, then jolly well don't do it. it's really not very nice when you have to go short in your life because of a stupid 'past time', in fact it's damn fucking irritating, straight up.

and if you think i'm talking about you, then i most probably am, huh. and it's damn annoying when i say that that's gonna happen, and you tell me it won't. and it just.happens. again. again. again. again. again. just. aiya sickening.


d4mnnnnnnn! HA.

was singing HSM songs with Darren. been long since i've spent any time with him. like decently. aw. story of my life huh.

and he just leaned over to see it and i jerked the laptop away HA. you should tag if you'll 'read it anyway' asshole. -..-

anyway, starting school on the 29th. like finally (: kay back to Maple.



xoxo
cause we have a love/hate relationship.

ps: but i love you anyway.

what doubts you'd have.

"strings attached are such a pain."

such a pain indeed, but i'm not even supposed to feel this way. cause i know i'm in a relationship and thus, shouldn't be out gallivanting around with other people at the middle of the night as and when i please, but damn it, the saggitarian in me acting up real bad.

i mean, i just want to have fun; like before. be it pubbing, clubbing, stayovers, hanging around with different people, spending time with friends, meeting new people. blahblahblahblahblah. somehow i feel so d4mned restricted, but this is what comes with a r/s, i understand that.

told him once, 'perhaps it's cause i'm more of the type who's meant to be single.' i really just wanna enjoy my life, to the fullest. the max times ten. but i know it's terribly unfair to want Bb to let me do the things i want, because it's not possible that i'll feel even the least bit comfortable with him in these kind of places, without me. not comfortable at all.

ah don't know what's the point. and people keep saying i think too much, but it seems like nobody gets the point that i don't think a lot on purpose, and it just flashes to my mind without any prior notice whatsoever?????? sumpaaaaaa i don't sit down and think like "hmmm..... xxxxxxx"and all. it just comes like that.

oh meet my lovely Bb, aint he handsome? :D LOL



my right eye hurts m-fuckingly bad right now. no feel to blog already. bye bye.



xoxo
heartbeat.

ps:no matter what, darling.

talk about something that isn't dead

"when i love you a little less than before."

broken strings keep playing in my head. gah!

so, drama at Kgarden, again. i guess that's what you get when you put humans, alcohol, and a whole shit load of emotions together. nearly every time, there'll be something stupid going on, and it's totally exasperating, but hey, what's life without a little drama right?

anyway, have been mapling these few days! and Darren chiong-ed ahead of us all. d4mn! HA.

and maple is really a game full of super xialan people; the mere thought of it makes me quite irritated. like helllo, having a higher level doesn't give you a right to go around ks-ing people like wtf?! super annoying. and maplers like to say 'I CAME HERE FIRST!!!!!!!!!!!!!' and refuse to move or cc. RAH.

what the fuck i tell you. damn annoying. and i keep falling asleep, like literally. lying on my bed, and staring at the screen, then slowly..... well, it's fun anyway, yup!

hungry hungry. and i really feel like watching a movieeeeeeeeeeee! haven't watched one in the longest while. didn't go on the trips to watch 'Night at the Museum 2' and 'MvA' ): to do with money issues and Bb not going, and so the guilt factor.

alright so..... at least there's some tuition job every Saturday and Wednesday, starting this Sat, and stupid me scheduled a job right on the day of his P-o-p thing. no wonder something was nagging at me at the back of my mind. >< so yeah gotta rush from where ever that place is to my tuition thingy in Serangoon. -..- gah.

kay off to shower and meet Bb. seriously he doesn't seem to be under confinement. -..- what with weekends out and mc's and doctor appointments.....

alright byeeeee!



(photos up soon. .. ?!?!)



xoxo
before it's too late

ps: i don't want it to be all we ever talk about.

never say never again

"my hero and my king; anna says"


well, that didn't make any sense at all. haha!

so, photos up really soon, as soon as i can get myself off Maple. Yes, that's right. Maple. after God-knows-how-many-years, i'm turning back to Maple, thanks to Bb, and its the highest level i've been to yet! normally i'll just give up after a few hours, and that concludes my maple career, but noooo. thanks to him i've been peservering -..-

so, these few days he's managed to come out, and i think i'm faling sick. cause he has that semi-sick feeling and kind of a blocked nose, and for some reason we always manage to pass the virus to each other. so yeah kind of feel horrible now.

anyway, i've got to get my biological clock right back on track. it's really taking a toll on my body.

kay, so meet up with Bb, then went to eat some nice food, and then we met up with the rest at plaza at night, and it was to Aldrin's for some holdem again..... (crazzzzzyyy people. i think they're holdem-ing at least 3 times a week sometimes) after that B had to report back to camp, but he was still sick, so we went to CGH, where some fucked up officer asked him to report back, even when he has an MC. GAH.

wastage of time, he headed back, and i headed to Sebas's place since i had an interview thingy near his place. but well..... fatigue had the best of me, and yeah ended up K.O-ing, and rescheduling the interview till monday.

went for dinner with Sebas and Sam, and Sam is super annoying. as usual. in the end i just kind of tuned out. and he says i'm the only one who takes his nonsense all the time. -..- non blood related of course, cause he says that i'll give him a reply every single time. hyeah well i'm polite what! don't know how his girlfriend can stand him!

B then came to fetch me and i went over to his place for awhile to wait for him to get ready, then cabbed home. omgosh lah i think i really prefer staying home nowadays >< style="font-style: italic;">xoxo
way before the originals

ps:and it's something you'll never get! i miss talking to you.

deception

We are inclined to believe those whom we do not know because they have never deceived us.
5:56 PM May 18th from mobile web

- Lindsay Lohan (twitter).

you become wiser after getting screwed by everything around you. love her!

whatever it takes

"baby i'm your biggest fan"

damnnnnn. the weather is m-fuckingly hot, and a fan simply can't suffice. however, some conscience thing is weighing down on me since i've switched on the air-conditioning for the past few days. damn hot luh! but yeah shan't switch it on shall act like a very eviromentally considerate person. -..-

sebas came over for some project of his, and i'm basically going to help him do his project and all. HA though he's gonna find all the information. so yeah find it a waste of my intelligence by me not studying. laughs see what an arrogant person i am? HAHA no luh kidding, but i miss letting my brains work properly feel mentally stifled sometimes.

and..... it was damn funny. people were saying something like, 'better not let A know, later he get angry' (regarding sebas coming over) then i was like listening, and proudly saying, 'he already know luh' blabla.

yay ice cream in the middle of the night. damn fattening i know, but it's been so long since i ate icecream! though its all melted and all, but yum.

kay off to watch the hana yuri dango final episode = the movie????? -..-

feel like hopping back into my Korean world. wonder how Bb react. did tell him that, and he was like "what about me?" in some ))))): kind of a way. -..-


kaythxbyeeeee! meet up with dear friends soon, me like.

btw, supposed to help sebas do but instead i'm over here slacking.HAHA!



(:


xoxo
i miss you dear, i miss you dearly.

ps: you make me smile. a lot.



edited:

Johanna says (2:13 AM):
*rah1RHJSHDNA
*jnjadkj????
*adnujabfv/
*jabfnoujaf???????
*!!!
*khfieoa!
DARREN, you are my strength when i was weak, my voice when i couldnt speak. says (2:14 AM):
*safdasafdsaf?
*adsad??!!
*)
*=)
*gdsosfjds...
Johanna says (2:14 AM):
*jdiuanbsf!
DARREN, you are my strength when i was weak, my voice when i couldnt speak. says (2:14 AM):
*and jhdasdpkd..?

Johanna says (2:14 AM):
*:DDDDD
*hfneoanbfq
DARREN, you are my strength when i was weak, my voice when i couldnt speak. says (2:14 AM):
*LOL
Johanna says (2:14 AM):
*! jahnfuehjnfkje - mfjhjef
DARREN, you are my strength when i was weak, my voice when i couldnt speak. says (2:14 AM):
*adasdasdaafuh/
Johanna says (2:14 AM):
*sims language
DARREN, you are my strength when i was weak, my voice when i couldnt speak. says (2:14 AM):
*dhokgdywbcim...
Johanna says (2:14 AM):
*afnuh;;;;;pkaef
*mmmmdhajjja.... !
DARREN, you are my strength when i was weak, my voice when i couldnt speak. says (2:14 AM):
*xsadfo'oe02-974nffghj
*=)
Johanna says (2:14 AM):
*#*U@)$ jdanfkkkndia,msmkl
*:(


D and i have the most intelligent conversations sometimes.