when the cat is away.....

"the mice will play"

C is starting to influence me more than i realize, except now i do. Realize, that is. been starting to worry about how little time there is till the start of my school, and i haven't started earning anything. wish i had a little more time before i start?

okay, just ignore that paragraph and keep your comments to yourself. thanks.

anyway, can't sleep! it's 5.57 am. and i am awake and feeling super hungry! got the urge to cook a can of campbell's to drink, but it's so damn fattening!!!!! bah h8 not being a skinny bitch.

ooh. was supposed to go to Sentosa with C, but we failed miserably. LOL!

okay, so my saturday was spent at two chalets. One was K's friends one and the other was at T's chalet. nothing much for either one, cause we didn't really stay long. didn't look for Bh either. damn!

bought a new swimsuit though! so excited i wanna swim!

and i've many new plans that has to come into fruition before A comes back. smirks*

anyway, i wanna club! but sian i hate $$$$$ issues! so super irritating.

okay photos up for the next post! maybe meeting up with C later on, and i hope that Matt, Bec and i will finally be able to work! so fucking irritating please! cause it keeps getting delayed. damn!

oh yeah! going to swim/tan with Hs again this week, and hopefully night cycling/ picnic with Bec & C?

oh yeahhhhhh. i wanna meet my friends and have funnnnnn! tsk.

another new resolution for 2010 should be for me to: Eradicate all people/things that bring sadness into my life.

That resolution can actually take the place of : Be a good girlfriend.

go figure out for yourself what i mean. :D



xoxo
you reap what you sow.

ps: and i'd say, if that really happens, you deserve it fully anyway.

simple pleasures.

Sentosa tomorrow with C! it was quite sudden, and i'm all for it! cause she wanna tan, so sunscreen here i come! pray i don't get black tomorrow. (:

i want a big floppy straw hat! and new slippers in gold/bronze. ooh and new shades! and extensions. :D anybody?

shall take loads of pics since tomorrow also involves shopping (C's stuff for her attachment), and the hanging out. :D love love!

the first question was "what kind of makeup do you wear to the beach?" HAHA

got to go sleep real soon if i wanna wake up bright and early tomorrow! i hope tomorrow will be a really good day. (: and i hope that i can get a good job real soon!


xoxo
this is the way life should be

not recognizing the one you love.

"wish you were here. NOT!"

am blogging cause i am so bored!!!!! i don't know what i'm doing home on a freaking friday night, but since i've got no $$$, i guess that's my only choice! A has went off for a sailing trip again. and it doesn't feel like i'm attached though we supposedly are back together..... fucking complicated only! ah well shan't think much about it. no point?

ahhh. meeting Jay tomorrow! been ages since i last saw him. heeeeeee. maybe catching a movie if possible, or just hanging out out out out out. (:

met up with T earlier. fuckerrrrrrrrrrr! and got a free meal and a ride home. HAHA

damn borrrrrred. need to start work real soon and start earning some $$$. kay. shall finish watching my show and continue painting my nails, blabla.

i feel like playing mahjong!kthxbye


xoxo
ignorance is bliss.

ps: i guess i knew you were capable of such things, only i didn't think you were able to do it to me.

under anesthesia

very very very very very full and sleepy now. cooked dinner for my family, and OMGZ. damn full. fried rice + campbell soup = easy peasy!

heading over to look for A in a bit. went to swim + tan with Huishan yesterday, but it didn't work out for us. i didn't really swim and she didn't get tan. and! i'm so proud of myself cause i didn't get darker! smothered on dollops of sunscreen on my body like there's no tomorrow.

:D so i'm happy all the same.

okay am going to go prepare? bbbbbbbye.

oh yeah! please click on the nuffnang ad on the right? > > > > > thank you! :D



xoxo
i need to know that
you're worthwhile.

fun in the sun

"intoxicated, we stay"

Eve's over here at the moment, and she's already sleeping!

we did the Michelle Phan face scrub thing, which involves - honey + sugar + extra virgin olive oil! not bad at all, though it kinda hurt when i scrubbed too hard. but really not too bad!

tentatively going tanning + swimming with Huishan on thursday, though seriously i don't think that i wanna tan. though even A said something about me being too white. -.- but that's just called FAIR. FAIR FAIR FAIR FAIR FAIR. nothing wrong with that! LOL

shall ask mom for some sponsorship for a new swimsuit/ bikini. LOL! okay no other person shall comment that i'm fat okay. I'M STILL GONNA GET ONE ANYWAY. HAHA.











i wonder when i'll be able to get a new laptop. and an itouch. tsk tsk. i've so much on my wants list! seems to be never ending aye.

oh wellllllll~

hafta do the laundry soon. ick i wonder how housewives do it. if i can, i'll so totally hire a part time maid to help me do the chores around the house!

oh yeah. i wanna go to IKEA some day soon to look for stuff to put into my room! like so cool only. but am still in a dilemma about my furniture vs the paint i want on my walls. decided on a dusty reddish pink and a lighter shade of grey? though i've no idea if it'll go, but these two colors are kind of colors i really really like at the moment. (:

kay, shall go blog hop and what not, + make plans for tomorrow!


xoxo
my love, my love my
bloody valentine

ps: baby steps.

exactly like in the movies

"get shaky get yours"

Bec came over earlier, and got scammed into helping me tidy my room. :D it's super neat now! though there are still some things to do, like washing figurines and clothing and deciding which ones are the ones i want and which ones can be given away/discarded. oh yeah there're still some childhood books and stuff that i can throw away. according to Bec, i can be on some discovery channel show about hoarders.

it was kinda amazing how much stuff got thrown out from my small little room. 5-6 plastic bags full of stuff, and there are some more to be thrown away! i wanna get a bookshelf and a cabinet to put all my shoes though. ooh, i wanna paint my room too!

i hope my room never gets messy again. HAHA. nor dusty.

am drinking some Fuji apple drink from Pokka, and the effect is like coke, only much fizzier. the taste is kinda like hard liquor mixed with green tea, and the after taste kinda tastes like beer. only sweet. -.- okay i think there's something wrong with my taste buds! i think i'm gonna throw it away. ick.

OH YA. my mum got tipsy after two sips of some alcoholic thingy that's supposed to aid health? fucking lousy -.- no wonder i'm so bad at drinking! >





day i went shopping with Cyn. didn't take much photos! Weewee's super pretty top!



pretty random mix from here on.



what Carson ordered and nearly finished all of.



Butter with K and Cyn!









stolen from Cyn's blog.









her camera's flash like nice only! quite natural, unlike mine. *sulks*

met up with Huishan the day before yesterday, and we were nua-ing all the way, with no idea what to do. so, we went to NTUC, where she bought a carton of milk, and i bought aloe vera! we were the sad and depressed girls, only we weren't that sad and depressed because we had each other for company! hahahaha that girl is sucha bimbo!



accidental zoom. the aloe vera jar cap was so damn tight that we couldn't open it. another guy i approached it couldn't either. sat there and whined until i saw this foreign worker and asked him to help me open the jar, and he opened it so easily! HAHA. i think men do come in handy in times like these. such a typical weak female situation!



met up with Huishan again yesterday! and she accompanied over me to A's place. but while waiting for that idiot, we nua-ed at her house, and we started putting makeup. LOL. even though we were only going to hougang areas. HAHA. and when we reached A's place, i started helping her draw in her brows, while she lent me her blusher. camwhored with her camera, mine, and her webcam while at her place.









done! omgz so many pictures! for me at least. one of the first times i'm putting up so many photos at one shot! hahaha but i've many many pictures still in my digi cam, and with Hs, or in facebook.

haven't done new year ones! okie i shall make it a point to try to blog with more pictures. though i love just typing endless entries filled to the brim with words when i feel super emo shitz. HAHA

shall try to tidy up my computer files and stuff like that. hopefully there'll be work later! :D goodnight/good morning people!


xoxo
just the way you are

ps: slowly, but surely.

logic and the heart.

just got back from A's place. learned about a lot of stuff that had happened over the past few days which i had no knowledge of.

feeling very very guilty now. and an amazingly large amount of thoughts are weighing in on my mind right now. i do hope things work out for the best.

met up with Huishan again just now. went over to her place, and we had 'dinner' at Hougang point. 'dinner' cause all she had was a kids meal, and i only had a large fries. pathetic much! but didn't have much appetite. can't sleep properly either these few days, i don't know why.

she accompanied me to A's place and headed to her A's place after. thank you dear! <3

i have a lot of photos to post up. but i really really can't be bothered to, mainly because there are really quite a lot of them, and it makes me very sian just thinking about them. LOL!

but i still want to eh. -.- so i shall, after i wake up later. promiseeeeeeee! oh wait. no. LOL.

sigh. the next few months are going to be so so tough. but i guess it'll be worth it in the end?


goodnight world.


xoxo
no matter what.

battlefield

i'm still up. insomnia is still ever present, and i'm sick of it. sick of the times i feel so tired and i just fall asleep, only to wake up an hour or so later and being unable to sleep for hours on end.

read ______'s blog. though we're total strangers, i really understand how she feels. it just sounds so fucking familiar, the events that happened, how her guy treats her. if i weren't in the same situation i'd say 'forget about him. he's not worth it. love isn't only caring when you want to or feel like it. you can find someone much better'.

i think some people doesn't understand what disappointment, heartbreak and letdowns really feel like. especially not when its always coming from someone who you love, and used to love you. Used, being a term that's loosely used.

why can't people just treasure people who want to be good to them? and not take them for granted. or speak the truth and not keep others waiting.

tomorrow's the 20th. it's absurd how i'll still think about him in terms that can be considered as more than affection considering how everything is being now.

don't let things come to a point where i'll hate you, please. cause i'm already starting to despise how everything has become. perhaps i don't mean anything to you now, but remember everything that happened.

maybe it's really time to settle all that needs to be done and just leave it be. perhaps an impulsive action might be the deciding factor of everything. i've seen too much of how you can be. too much, and i don't know if i can stand to accept and not judge.

but i still hate the fact that i still miss you, still think of you. when you're..... enjoying? you'll never understand. don't erase all your worth. not when i still think there's something worth fighting for.

fuck this. i really need some sleep. but somehow i can't get to sleep without..


hearts beat the same, people hurt the same.

sweet dream or a beautiful nightmare?

it's 4.59 in the morning, and i'm unable to ease myself back into sleep. it's so much better there, without the problems and worries of everyday life.

it always takes two hands to clap. i can't solve anything if the other party is unwilling to, but when faced with a big one such as this, how am i supposed to do anything to even get close to settling it? it has already become bigger than the both of us, this.

and it's fucking ironic how _ can keep sitting on his high horse, preaching about lessons _ doesn't follow. i may not know much about r/s anymore, but what i do know is that it doesn't take much to avoid a problem, only immaturity and cowardice.

it's hard to keep on loving without feeling like i'm letting myself get treated like crap. it shouldn't be this way at all!

i'm gonna write everything down into a fucking long letter. explain myself there and just give it. if there're no actions made then i'm gonna have to do what's best for me. and not him. not anymore.


should i give up, or should i just keep chasing pavements, even if it leads nowhere?

seriously i don't know what you're thinking about. it's getting too hard, too fucking hard. i think i most have done something very wrong to you in my previous life. fuck this. ):

i guess i'm back here again

cny day 2!

spent it with Daddy's side of the family today, and it was fun too. am in a better mood then yesterday and stuff cause things are a little better i guess, with A?

Aljunied > Bishan/Marymount > Woodlands > Hougang > R.plaza > Home.

Took super lots of photos with Lois, Eve and people with their super cool cameras. so i shall wait till they develop the film and get the photos! haha bet i look super weird in them, but who cares right? had mini h2h's too. <3! oooh and we're going to Bangkok during the March holidays! hahaha yay!

Met up with K at mall just now! and she was so amazed at H.plaza's new and improved toilet. -.- but it looks so much better than the old one luh. though the stench of cigarettes are still as present as ever. talked a lot about her stuff and mine. so much to catch up on!

might be going partying tomorrow with her and Cyn plus whoever wants to come. ladies night were meant for single ladies right? :D i so totally wanna go! that, and mahjong. i totally have the feel for gambling nowz. ask me people! ask me!

hurhur. met up with Binghui and Carson after at R.plaza. Hopefully Carson will really wear a qi pao and sport shoes for my birthday. HAHA best present everrrrrrrrr!

saw Junkai and another guy whom i recognize but forgot the name of there too. :D

anwwwwwwww. shall go off. today was a quite good day! thank You Lord! :D i sound so super hyper.

ttfn!

xoxo

like a moth to a flame

first day of CNY.

went to my Grandmother's place, and hung around there for some time before going to another Aunt's place.

had quite a good time with all my relatives and we took a shitload of photos. i probably looked like crap in most of them. bah

am not really in the festive kind of CNY mood, but it was nice all the same. weird combination of a sucky + good day.

will upload once CNY and all is over. am very much in the mood for gambling and getting drunk.

i hate this. please get good again.....!


x
waiting for your call.

ps: i hope that you're worth it.

get out.

cny + valentines. i hope everybody has a happy day today! (:

'if this continues, when it's really over you're just gonna look at every guy with the same jaded view'

a thousand people might say no, but it took only ONE. for me to look back and go running back to you.

you've got to forget how you feel and remember what you deserve. repeats to myself over and over again.

there're only so many things i can take till it explodes, so many times you can kickstart my heart till it finally dies.

God, i pray that later on and everyday henceforth will be the greatest days of my life till i die. >< thank You!

xx
iluv you.

wants

second/third update for the day. can't seem to remember how many.

should be sleeping, but i can't. have so many things to do, yet i'm not getting down to any of it. i wish i can play mahjong at my aunty's place during new year. feel like gambling gambling. hahahahaha

oh yahhhhhhhh. i've so much to do lor! and i wanna get my makeup! ):

• Revlon Colorstay Liquid Foundation
• Eyeshadow quads in dark colors
• Eyelash glue
• Eyelashes (still have the one's A bought for me, but they're kinda cui, so i can't really bear to wear them)
  
• Do my eyebrows
• Do my nails (damn cui already CMI i want a grey polishhhhhhh been looking for one since forever. of course i cheap one cause lao niang no $$$$$)
  
• Decide on what to wear for New Years though i'm not really in the mood.
  
• Hair extensions? (though i doubt i'd get the $$$$$ before then to do them)
  
• Finishing the stuff that i intended to do for A.
  

i really really really really really want the liquid foundation. ): and the eyelash glue! and the eyelashes. and doing my brows&nails. LOL!

fuck this so irritating. having severe moodswings..... like one minute up one minute down.

and i hate it when people don't pick up the phone. makes me so damned worried. idk why either.

damn it i want the foundation. >: it's like. on my top list of wants!

x
not what i intended.

Anyone can easily walk away from somebody else. Nobody is forced to stay; we all have choices. But the real test is if someone would rather stay with you, even though walking away would be so much easier.

-via runaway train.

why's it hurting like i'm not the one who wanted to walk away?

stay

just one word might do the trick. how far would you go?

it's not all my choice. decisions aren't always one sided, and minds can be swayed. if it's worth it, if you want it. but so far all i've seen are that maybe things are best to be left like this.

it's not what you can't say; it's about what you can. and what you're choosing not to do are the very things that are keeping me away.

x
we're,
running out of time.

only human

honestly it wouldn't take much to make me happy.....

question.

how do you mend the holes after each and every letdown?

perfect tion.

(credits: fuckyeahskinnybitch)

oh what i wouldn't give to add "Size Zero, Beautiful and Absolute Perfection" to my 'About me' in this thing they call Life.

New.

"perhaps yearning is something, but holding all that you wish for is another."

fever is back! slightly. headaches all round and temperature is up! sucks to be me right now.

went out with Cynthia yesterday to town. Did our CNY shopping, and i'm well pleased with the things I've gotten. Shopped at Far East, and headed to town for our dinner. was starving like mad at the end of the day.

A then texted me and asked if we wanted to head to Shanghai Dolly, so off we went. it was his ship's anniversary, blabla and apparently a lot of people were there cause he introduced me to quite a number of people.

that night was quite ironic. sarcastic laugh*

it was quite fun though, considering the fact that i haven't been out for so long! the dj's weren't too bad either, save for the winding down sound effect thingy that they did one too many times. but all things considered, that place wasn't bad at all.

i think people are more friendly once alcohol loosened them up. met a lady in the toilet and we chatted a bit blabla, and we saw her on the stage too! plus her table wasn't far off from ours.

left fucking early, around 2 am-ish. wanted to stay for the whole night, but A has become an old man and needs his rest.

wasn't too happy with that, but i guess he knows that i can hold my own now, though.

went to A's after, and Cyn and i spent the whole night talking, and she taught me a way to fortune tell with the usage of cards that she learnt from Angie. hahaha like so cool only! shall try it out on my sisters asap.

talked on the phone with A just now. told him some stuff that i've been unhappy about, and he told me some stuff that made me cry. am on a pms-y kick i think, and he was quite patient with me, though he thinks that i've been acting really weird the whole time.

i'm the kind of person who notices every little action anyone does, and they're put into consideration, no matter how insignificant it is. i think i'm really starting to appreciate how he's trying to change, and how he really wants the best for me no matter what our status is. in some ways he's like my best friend, but in some ways i know he's not.

relationships are confusing and contradicting. at times i'd want nothing more than for him to leave me alone and go away, but at other times i'll just want him to be by my side, feeling like i need his attention and his love more than anything else to make me feel better.

i guess it's trying to sort out the pieces and piecing them together that makes this whole process worthwhile?

damn photos won't load. oh well too bad. photos up some other day then, whoever's reading.

i'm keeping to my 2010 resolutions! or something like that. :/


xoxo
and tomorrow's another day.

valentine

look at my retarded kiddy. he's trying to show that he's fit and that he has big muscles. hehe i miss you sucker! and.....see you tomorrow! <3

ps: hope you like this picture.


xoxo

heartbeat

kinda gave up on changing my template. >:/ accidentally pressed the whole thing and wham! the whole thing was gone. okay luh. not really wham! but still.....

i think i've become fatter! it shows on my face, like whenever i've gained more weight, my face instantly gets pudgier. sad face*

i want a new digital camera! i just realized that even my mum's one is lousy. though it's pink and all..... plus my bb's phone totally CMI. i love pictures which are like..... so clear. but then again, clear pictures = revealing of my bad skin = not good. gah!

just watched 'The Curious Case of Benjamin Button' (i know i'm slow. put off watching cause it was so damn long), and it's so sad! my heart had that..... achey feeling. and i cried and cried and cried and cried. okay i'm a sucker when it comes to such movies. but not sad meh?!?!?!?!

okay no photos in this post. realized that i look damn fat in all of them. time to STOP EATING! hahahaha it's all a state of mindddddd.....

kay thx bye!


xx