i think of independence and i grow afraid
i think of growing up and i'm get even more anxious.

i wish time would just stop. just freaking stop.

'I don't know.

it's 3.43 am, and i'm gonna blog about the hectic weekend i had.(okay from saturday afternoon onwards.)

reached home from M'sia after that random roadtrip, and skipped going to the airport to fetch the boys. wah, trust me, my heart was totally there all the way. when Maomao called me and told me about how she say Jaejoong right infront of her ..... !!!!!!!!! omg i nearly screamed.

rushed home after a few hours and got scolded by the parents for several reasons i will not mention, and headed over to Expo! Maomao didn't recognize me at first lo! and same went for me. (we only saw each other once, like don't know how many years ago! so forgivable la huh.)

went in after awhile, and it was f-a-n-t-a-s-t-i-c! admittedly, there were some flaws, like the lateness (not that i minded, cause i was really late too HAHA), some cock up in the VIP side (heard after the showcase), and nonsense rambling from the host (on hindsight i guess it was nervousness that caused him to keep rambling on to no end). he said some really..... inappropriate things? like referring to dongbang. but again, i think he was too nervous?

Maomao and i were wondering if we should stalk them after, and in the end we did! ran to the back of the place and attempted to talk to the uncles. HAHA i have too much courage in such nonsense matters i think. joined a couple of random fans in their maxi cab super excitedly!

it was pretty disappointing tho, cause the boys headed straight to the hotel after and didn't go out to eat as we hoped. after lurking around the hotel for what seemed like forever, we all decided to give up and split. headed to v3 after.

overslept, and rushed home to get the stuff that i wanted to pass to them (just a photo postcard), and headed to the airport. once again, didn't manage to see them ): was really disappointed, but on the bright side, Maomao and i managed to speak to one of their dancers when they went out to smoke! ^^ passed him our letters (i only knew how to say 'kamsahamnida!' and bow, but Mm was reallllllly fluent).

totally motivated to learn Korean huh!! HAHA headed to the viewing gallery after and watched the planes fly pass and waved goodbye to them one by one cause we didn't know which airplane was theirs! ><

trust me, i'm not really a fan girl, except when it comes to them. them and no one else! they bring out the girl in me, like totally. can you believe i actually SCREAMED?! LMFAO. like really went 'AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! JAEJOOOOONG!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! JUNSUUUUUUUU!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! YOOCHUN!!!!!!!' -.- sibei embarrassing but whatever. hehehehehe.

camwhored with Maomao. here are some of the photos!

it's really totally annoying when you see bystanders/passerbys in the background of your photo. -.- it's like ..... 'HOW TO PHOTOSHOP YOU OUT!?!?!?!?!' -.- 

anyway, i've got to do my stuff and what not. urg.


ttfn!


xoxo

ps: today, is our 2nd year together. so much has happened, so much has changed. what's gonna happen from here, i've no idea. so torn, but ima take it one step at a time. 

take my hand, Lord. 

 

'J/Y/J

i'm finally home, in my airconditioned room, using my own laptop, playing with my duffy. (missed him so so much!)

it feels like i've went for a long trip or something; this weekend was hectic to the max. with that random one day roadtrip to m'sia that ended only the next day, and rushing for the JYJ fanmeeting and chasing them around, hoping to catch a glimpse of them.

thought longingly of my bed (and duffy) the whole time, and finally I AM HERE. hee hee hee hee hee. 

anyway i'll definitely blog more about these two events, with loads of photos! till then,

xoxo

'Meant to be broken

random photo of me to make the impending chunk of words seem a little less wordy.

just got back from Town + Indochine + poker @woodlands. it's been ages since i last went to a bar? cause it's just all the other usual places. nice atmosphere, even though i don't drink. hurhur.

these days i've been worrying about money. spending too much and earning too little. i need a job. pronto. duffy's expenses, not paid. the jyj money, not transferred. i really need my pay plus a new job. was thinking of supperclub with neobaby, but heard that it'll be kinda tiring?

honestly i don't really know how i feel anymore. it's just hazing through the days? but i pretty much feel fine but i'm afraid to probe deeper, afraid of what i'll find.

other times i find myself wanting to cry after hearing sad songs, but after 5 seconds that was gone too. i'm afraid of losing myself, but turns out i've never really known myself. these past two years or so, it was all about him him him him and more him. wide mixture of emotions, but none of them really for my own good.

did stupid things i'd never care to do again, some of them things i can never take back. it's all an experience, i take it as, but then again, it's these experiences that shape someone.

and so, i'm finding myself again. and i've come to realize that hey, i did have a past before him. and maybe i can learn to live a little better with myself each day, learn to be a little more independent as the days go by.

and soon, you'll be nothing but a distant memory.


x
some things are

'To the left

sometimes not making a choice is already a decision made. i've made mine too; i just hope i'll be able to stick to it.

meanwhile i'll just enjoy myself with my friends and family and not to mention my lil duff puff.

i missed who we were, no matter how fucked up it was, i was certain of the fact that at least we cared for each other, but what is this? what are we? what have we become? the answer 'i don't know' hangs on the both of our lips.

are you thinking of me like how i'm thinking of you? or are you forgetting me like how i'm trying to forget you?

what we are now, is a single comma, a pause hanging in the air.

i miss you, but not who you have become. and i miss us. but perhaps 'we' were another one of my fantasies too.

time to wake up bitch, it's not over till i'm gone.