today was extremely..... eye opening. there's no other way to put it.
words i wanna say, and yet at the same time......
i hate liars. and i didn't ever think he would have. with a sorry, and a weak explanation or excuse. but what else can i say? the word disappointment just doesn't cut it this time. neither does sorry.
you know why you really lied. you know it deep down. i hate liars.
she's a good girl. better, i think. it hurts to the motherfucking max, never ever has it hurt this bad. and yet, he'll never ever know how it feels to be a girl whose heart got broken, especially by him.
i would cry, i did. still feel like, but what good would it do? johanna, johanna. move on.
good thing when your heart is this broken; is that it can't ever be hurt by another person again.
wo zhen de hen bu okay.
nothing can change facts. i'll remember everything you did, remember it deep in where ever the clearest memories go.
i hate you. i really and truly i do. but.. isly.
bye.
ps: final straw.
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
peaceful/disturbed
feel the urge to blog after reading a blog.
there's this guy who passed away from cancer. and after reading his blog, i really want to tear up. he was damn brave, and all of his friends stood by him. i think he's around my age or slightly older? seriously though i didn't know him it still made an impact.
simply made other things fade in importance as i stared at the blog, his pictures. life's short. treasure it. but who will?
it's always moving on with life, rushing here and there, letting the days pass without any thought.
it's true that as compared to losing someone forever, somethings just pale in comparison.
talked on the phone with Hs just now. thanks for listening cause i think i'd just go crazy at that moment. same goes for each and every one of you lovelies out there who listened to me, worried for me, got angry for me, and most of all, stood by me. seriously i wouldn't know what i'll do without each and every one of you. you know who you are.
xoxo
ps: so was i just a substitute? or did i remind you of her? i know i'm not thinking too much and i know it shouldn't matter. it's just that i've never felt as important as any one of your previous girlfriends, and now i'm one of them too. i need answers, but i can't get them. i.. i don't want you to move on. but that's not anything i have control over. i don't have anything to make you turn around, nothing at all. pathetic.
there's this guy who passed away from cancer. and after reading his blog, i really want to tear up. he was damn brave, and all of his friends stood by him. i think he's around my age or slightly older? seriously though i didn't know him it still made an impact.
simply made other things fade in importance as i stared at the blog, his pictures. life's short. treasure it. but who will?
it's always moving on with life, rushing here and there, letting the days pass without any thought.
it's true that as compared to losing someone forever, somethings just pale in comparison.
talked on the phone with Hs just now. thanks for listening cause i think i'd just go crazy at that moment. same goes for each and every one of you lovelies out there who listened to me, worried for me, got angry for me, and most of all, stood by me. seriously i wouldn't know what i'll do without each and every one of you. you know who you are.
xoxo
ps: so was i just a substitute? or did i remind you of her? i know i'm not thinking too much and i know it shouldn't matter. it's just that i've never felt as important as any one of your previous girlfriends, and now i'm one of them too. i need answers, but i can't get them. i.. i don't want you to move on. but that's not anything i have control over. i don't have anything to make you turn around, nothing at all. pathetic.
you are a disgusting and smelly person
joke of the year!!!!!!!
*
Theodore says (3:25 PM):
*i make it short and sweet
*me and my gf has nothing to do with u
*i have not been talking ur msgung u or wad so ever
Johanna says (3:25 PM):
*hahaha oh wow
Theodore says (3:25 PM):
*so just stay out of our lives
*thanks
Johanna says (3:25 PM):
*then why tell your girlfriend
Johanna said (3:25 PM):
*that i'm interested in you?
Theodore says (3:26 PM):
*oh and 1 more thing
Johanna says (3:26 PM):
*why tell her all those shit
Theodore says (3:26 PM):
*if u get the thrill inb logging
*blogging*
Johanna says (3:26 PM):
*hahahahah
*pls
Theodore says (3:26 PM):
*and wadeva so eva
Johanna says (3:26 PM):
*stop going offline before i can say anything
*you're the one
Theodore says (3:26 PM):
*u can continue
Johanna says (3:26 PM):
*haha why?
*you;re gonna threaten me?
Theodore says (3:26 PM):
*nah
Johanna says (3:26 PM):
*you're the one who dragged me into all these shit
Theodore says (3:26 PM):
*i said u can continue
Johanna says (3:26 PM):
*remember
Theodore says (3:26 PM):
*means do wad u wantr
Johanna says (3:26 PM):
*hahaha i dont need your perimission
Theodore says (3:26 PM):
*cos honestly we dont really care anymore
Johanna says (3:26 PM):
*and you're the one
Theodore says (3:26 PM):
*so yea
*thats good
*u got proof?
*no:)
i have no proof? neither do you. but what i have is the truth.
Theodore says (3:29 PM):
*ohhhh yea!
*1 more thing
Johanna says (3:29 PM):
*hahahah why not say everything out in one
*shot
*or better yet
*call me
Theodore says (3:29 PM):
*stop harassing my gf or me
Johanna says (3:29 PM):
*hahaha ME?!?!
*HARRASS YOUR GIRLFRIEND?
Theodore says (3:29 PM):
*nah i told her i blocked u
*call her just now blah blah blah
Johanna says (3:29 PM):
*LOL which you did you dog
Theodore says (3:29 PM):
*i harass u?
*haha!
Johanna says (3:29 PM):
*?? hahaha you are a very funny dog
Theodore says (3:29 PM):
*ohsss man.. ah lians kinda uneducated
Johanna says (3:29 PM):
*since when did i say you harrassed me? dont put words up in my miuth dog
Theodore says (3:29 PM):
*wad can i say
Johanna says (3:29 PM):
*hahaha
*ah lians?
Theodore says (3:29 PM):
*only knows dog
Johanna says (3:29 PM):
*i have more intelligence than you
Theodore says (3:29 PM):
*oh wells thats all
*haha
Johanna says (3:30 PM):
*oh what? you'r gonna tell me not to fuck iwith you?
Theodore says (3:30 PM):
*no wonder u droppped out
*smarty pants
*hahaha
hahaha seriously he's a joke. what you trying to act for theodore? yeah i enjoy blogging. i didn't harass your girlfriend, get that fucking story straight.
stop trying to turn the whole thing around, trying to save whatever, and even coming round to insult my intelligence? i think it's obvious who's the most intelligent one eh? the one who keeps lying and FAILS to keep everything from getting revealed? or the one who found out about the lies and exposed you. oh yeah if you're going on with the personal attacks now then i suppose i can get one in too huh, mister 'big'?
well theodore, i wasn't the one who went around saying that someone else is interested in me, wasn't the one who said things like 'oh i grinded xxxxxx' 'i touched xxxxx' blablabla.
YOU were the one who dragged ME into it, telling your precious girlfriend all about how i came to talk to you, telling you stuff about my ex-boyfriend, hinting that i liked you? (FYI IT DIDN'T HAPPEN!) LOL please lah ask whoever believes you and i think your girlfriend might be the only one.
and about the harassing part, that's a big laugh. i wonder who was the one who contacted me, blablablablabla. yeah i told her everything you told me. everything.
yeah one thing that you got right, it's non of my business, whatever goes on in your relationship, but YOU brought MY NAME into it, and that resulted in people calling me up and asking me about YOU. you made me out to be a third party, even going so far as to say that i'm desperate? lol! sorry, even if i'm desperate i don't think i will go for you. i deserve a chance to clear my name, and that's what i did and what i am doing now. your girlfriend knows about everything, and she will judge for herself who she wants to believe.
and about the harassing part, that's a big laugh. i wonder who was the one who contacted me, the one who talked to me on msn about all that shit about your relationship, the one who texted me. shouldn't it be the other way round if i were harassing you?!
nice move huh, blocking me then coming back and saying 'oh ya 1 more thing'. shove that one more thing up your ass please i'm not interested.
oh ya 1 more thing. the only reason why i'm blogging this, is so i can get a decent response over to you. it's not for anyone else to read cause frankly i don't give a shit if other people believe me or not, cause i know i didn't do anything wrong. and i know you'll be reading this no matter how many times you say that 'you don't care' -.-
hold on i'm almost done here. like you said, it's non of my business. the only reason why i'm blogging is because i feel damn pissed off over getting bawled out at by YOU the fucker who started this shit in the first place. i've nothing to lose if your girlfriend doesn't trust me, after all, who the fuck are you in my life? nobody. but on the other hand, you, have a lot to lose. cause i think you'll be losing one of the only people who really like you and care for you. wonder why though.
LOL and it's funny how you kept trying to cut me off and going 'block, unblock, block, unblock' why? you tell your girlfriend you block me so that i can't 'harass' you anymore ah? can't believe you told her that 'maybe she wanted to save her pride' after she saw my reply when she talked to me posing as you.
she knows the truth la. it's just easier to believe in you. girls aren't that dumb. but some girls really can't bear to do the right thing for themselves because they put too much love into people that don't deserve it at all. so, treasure her. you probably don't have many non-blood related people who really care.
wha this is damn long. don't disturb me already la okay. blogging about you doesn't mean i want to save my face or that i'm bitter cause 'i got rejected' okay? get that into your fucking mind. i don't need to lie that much to people whom i don't even know.
plus, i don't do lying. that's one of the many many reasons why i have so many people who love me, friends and family alike. and i dare say they do. HAHA!
kbye.
*
Theodore says (3:25 PM):
*i make it short and sweet
*me and my gf has nothing to do with u
*i have not been talking ur msgung u or wad so ever
Johanna says (3:25 PM):
*hahaha oh wow
Theodore says (3:25 PM):
*so just stay out of our lives
*thanks
Johanna says (3:25 PM):
*then why tell your girlfriend
Johanna said (3:25 PM):
*that i'm interested in you?
Theodore says (3:26 PM):
*oh and 1 more thing
Johanna says (3:26 PM):
*why tell her all those shit
Theodore says (3:26 PM):
*if u get the thrill inb logging
*blogging*
Johanna says (3:26 PM):
*hahahahah
*pls
Theodore says (3:26 PM):
*and wadeva so eva
Johanna says (3:26 PM):
*stop going offline before i can say anything
*you're the one
Theodore says (3:26 PM):
*u can continue
Johanna says (3:26 PM):
*haha why?
*you;re gonna threaten me?
Theodore says (3:26 PM):
*nah
Johanna says (3:26 PM):
*you're the one who dragged me into all these shit
Theodore says (3:26 PM):
*i said u can continue
Johanna says (3:26 PM):
*remember
Theodore says (3:26 PM):
*means do wad u wantr
Johanna says (3:26 PM):
*hahaha i dont need your perimission
Theodore says (3:26 PM):
*cos honestly we dont really care anymore
Johanna says (3:26 PM):
*and you're the one
Theodore says (3:26 PM):
*so yea
*thats good
*u got proof?
*no:)
i have no proof? neither do you. but what i have is the truth.
Theodore says (3:29 PM):
*ohhhh yea!
*1 more thing
Johanna says (3:29 PM):
*hahahah why not say everything out in one
*shot
*or better yet
*call me
Theodore says (3:29 PM):
*stop harassing my gf or me
Johanna says (3:29 PM):
*hahaha ME?!?!
*HARRASS YOUR GIRLFRIEND?
Theodore says (3:29 PM):
*nah i told her i blocked u
*call her just now blah blah blah
Johanna says (3:29 PM):
*LOL which you did you dog
Theodore says (3:29 PM):
*i harass u?
*haha!
Johanna says (3:29 PM):
*?? hahaha you are a very funny dog
Theodore says (3:29 PM):
*ohsss man.. ah lians kinda uneducated
Johanna says (3:29 PM):
*since when did i say you harrassed me? dont put words up in my miuth dog
Theodore says (3:29 PM):
*wad can i say
Johanna says (3:29 PM):
*hahaha
*ah lians?
Theodore says (3:29 PM):
*only knows dog
Johanna says (3:29 PM):
*i have more intelligence than you
Theodore says (3:29 PM):
*oh wells thats all
*haha
Johanna says (3:30 PM):
*oh what? you'r gonna tell me not to fuck iwith you?
Theodore says (3:30 PM):
*no wonder u droppped out
*smarty pants
*hahaha
hahaha seriously he's a joke. what you trying to act for theodore? yeah i enjoy blogging. i didn't harass your girlfriend, get that fucking story straight.
stop trying to turn the whole thing around, trying to save whatever, and even coming round to insult my intelligence? i think it's obvious who's the most intelligent one eh? the one who keeps lying and FAILS to keep everything from getting revealed? or the one who found out about the lies and exposed you. oh yeah if you're going on with the personal attacks now then i suppose i can get one in too huh, mister 'big'?
well theodore, i wasn't the one who went around saying that someone else is interested in me, wasn't the one who said things like 'oh i grinded xxxxxx' 'i touched xxxxx' blablabla.
YOU were the one who dragged ME into it, telling your precious girlfriend all about how i came to talk to you, telling you stuff about my ex-boyfriend, hinting that i liked you? (FYI IT DIDN'T HAPPEN!) LOL please lah ask whoever believes you and i think your girlfriend might be the only one.
and about the harassing part, that's a big laugh. i wonder who was the one who contacted me, blablablablabla. yeah i told her everything you told me. everything.
yeah one thing that you got right, it's non of my business, whatever goes on in your relationship, but YOU brought MY NAME into it, and that resulted in people calling me up and asking me about YOU. you made me out to be a third party, even going so far as to say that i'm desperate? lol! sorry, even if i'm desperate i don't think i will go for you. i deserve a chance to clear my name, and that's what i did and what i am doing now. your girlfriend knows about everything, and she will judge for herself who she wants to believe.
and about the harassing part, that's a big laugh. i wonder who was the one who contacted me, the one who talked to me on msn about all that shit about your relationship, the one who texted me. shouldn't it be the other way round if i were harassing you?!
nice move huh, blocking me then coming back and saying 'oh ya 1 more thing'. shove that one more thing up your ass please i'm not interested.
oh ya 1 more thing. the only reason why i'm blogging this, is so i can get a decent response over to you. it's not for anyone else to read cause frankly i don't give a shit if other people believe me or not, cause i know i didn't do anything wrong. and i know you'll be reading this no matter how many times you say that 'you don't care' -.-
hold on i'm almost done here. like you said, it's non of my business. the only reason why i'm blogging is because i feel damn pissed off over getting bawled out at by YOU the fucker who started this shit in the first place. i've nothing to lose if your girlfriend doesn't trust me, after all, who the fuck are you in my life? nobody. but on the other hand, you, have a lot to lose. cause i think you'll be losing one of the only people who really like you and care for you. wonder why though.
LOL and it's funny how you kept trying to cut me off and going 'block, unblock, block, unblock' why? you tell your girlfriend you block me so that i can't 'harass' you anymore ah? can't believe you told her that 'maybe she wanted to save her pride' after she saw my reply when she talked to me posing as you.
she knows the truth la. it's just easier to believe in you. girls aren't that dumb. but some girls really can't bear to do the right thing for themselves because they put too much love into people that don't deserve it at all. so, treasure her. you probably don't have many non-blood related people who really care.
wha this is damn long. don't disturb me already la okay. blogging about you doesn't mean i want to save my face or that i'm bitter cause 'i got rejected' okay? get that into your fucking mind. i don't need to lie that much to people whom i don't even know.
plus, i don't do lying. that's one of the many many reasons why i have so many people who love me, friends and family alike. and i dare say they do. HAHA!
kbye.
Monday, September 28, 2009
specially for someone and his girlfriend
hi, something i wanna clarify. to whom it may concern: i have no interest in your boyfriend, never had any, will NEVER have any interest. read the font on this space: I HAVE NEVER HAD ANY INTEREST IN SPEAKING TO YOUR BOYFRIEND, WILL NEVER EVEN WANT TO CROSS ANY LINES WITH HIM BLABLABLABLABLA. read my flapping lips: I HAVE NO INTEREST IN YOUR BOYFRIEND.
what the fuck i tell you, it's fucking absurd how all these lies can spring up out of nowhere. okay, maybe out of exactly nowhere, but it's damn ridiculous how such weird notions can even be conceived. like hello?!?!?! who are you exactly?????
don't tell your girlfriend that i initiated any conversation with you. don't tell your girlfriend i'm trying to hint that i like you. don't even think of telling your girlfriend that i'm interested in you, but OH LOOK. you so totally did. LIAR.
seriously i swear, i totally laughed in disbelief when i heard about it. then it turned to major pissed-off mode, cause seriously it's an insult to even be thought of that way. and plus whatever goes on in your relationship is YOUR problem. don't keep dragging other innocent people into it. i don't even know what you're trying to prove: that you're a stud? manly? what exactly?
doing shit to your girlfriend, feeding her all these lies? why? scared that she'll see you for what you truly are? which is a SHALLOW, LYING, MANIPULATIVE, COWARDLY DOG? the reason why i used the word dog, was so that you'd know who i was talking about for sure.
the reason why i even responded to your texts or instant messages were cause i thought you were an okay person. but i should've known you were another fucked up shithole judging from what you told me the hours after that night. (hahahaha you're so dead if your girlfriend sees this! sucker.) oh ya, and the dota thing? i only played with you cause i needed someone to teach me thoroughly. hahahah hell yeah i'm shallow like that.
stop telling her disgusting stuff too. omg and stop acting all 'i'm holier than thou' with all that 'i believe love comes before sex'. i know all about you and your little lies.
stop saying your girlfriend is crazy and just brushing it off. you have no idea how much i wanted to call you up and fuck you upside down (not literally please God no!) for even bringing me into this shit. you think i didn't suspect that you were the one who 'introduced' your girlfriend to my existence? fuck, fancy telling her that i like you?!?!?!?! damn disgusting to the maximum level!
oh yeah, if _______'s girlfriend is reading this, feel free to contact me to clear up any of your doubts and misgivings. i'll gladly answer any of your queries. delicatelikethunder@hotmail.com, you can add me on msn, or email me, or ask mutual friends for my number.
oh ya. _______ if you are angry at this, remember; i don't give a fuck if you are. the angrier you are, the better. cause remember, i'm pissed off too. and we both know who's telling the truth.
i know you read my blog. tag on my board. i dare you.
sincerely,
Johanna
ps: what a nice way to end a day of extreme boredom. [:>
what the fuck i tell you, it's fucking absurd how all these lies can spring up out of nowhere. okay, maybe out of exactly nowhere, but it's damn ridiculous how such weird notions can even be conceived. like hello?!?!?! who are you exactly?????
don't tell your girlfriend that i initiated any conversation with you. don't tell your girlfriend i'm trying to hint that i like you. don't even think of telling your girlfriend that i'm interested in you, but OH LOOK. you so totally did. LIAR.
seriously i swear, i totally laughed in disbelief when i heard about it. then it turned to major pissed-off mode, cause seriously it's an insult to even be thought of that way. and plus whatever goes on in your relationship is YOUR problem. don't keep dragging other innocent people into it. i don't even know what you're trying to prove: that you're a stud? manly? what exactly?
doing shit to your girlfriend, feeding her all these lies? why? scared that she'll see you for what you truly are? which is a SHALLOW, LYING, MANIPULATIVE, COWARDLY DOG? the reason why i used the word dog, was so that you'd know who i was talking about for sure.
the reason why i even responded to your texts or instant messages were cause i thought you were an okay person. but i should've known you were another fucked up shithole judging from what you told me the hours after that night. (hahahaha you're so dead if your girlfriend sees this! sucker.) oh ya, and the dota thing? i only played with you cause i needed someone to teach me thoroughly. hahahah hell yeah i'm shallow like that.
stop telling her disgusting stuff too. omg and stop acting all 'i'm holier than thou' with all that 'i believe love comes before sex'. i know all about you and your little lies.
stop saying your girlfriend is crazy and just brushing it off. you have no idea how much i wanted to call you up and fuck you upside down (not literally please God no!) for even bringing me into this shit. you think i didn't suspect that you were the one who 'introduced' your girlfriend to my existence? fuck, fancy telling her that i like you?!?!?!?! damn disgusting to the maximum level!
oh yeah, if _______'s girlfriend is reading this, feel free to contact me to clear up any of your doubts and misgivings. i'll gladly answer any of your queries. delicatelikethunder@hotmail.com, you can add me on msn, or email me, or ask mutual friends for my number.
oh ya. _______ if you are angry at this, remember; i don't give a fuck if you are. the angrier you are, the better. cause remember, i'm pissed off too. and we both know who's telling the truth.
i know you read my blog. tag on my board. i dare you.
sincerely,
Johanna
ps: what a nice way to end a day of extreme boredom. [:>
i am fucking fucking bored. stuck at home..... watching whatever's on tvee and caught 'The Nanny', 'F.r.i.e.n.d.s', and currently re-watching the MTV VMA's.
i'm really effing bored. thank God for the internet, else i'd be bored out of my skulllllllll. okay but i actually have so much to do, finish sewing projects, STUDYYYYYYYY, clean up my room etc etc etc etc etc.
i wannnnnna get braces. and long hair, and mani/pedi (thurs with Hs), new clothes, slimmmmmm, and blablablablabla.
kept on eating yesterday and today. fucking bored, i guess the urge to eat sprang up cause i'm totally bored.
want to learn how to shuffle too. been trying to say that foreverrrrrr. and i want an itouch! sad face * and a blackberry.
maybe i will go download new songs and bla. wish i had a webcam laptop thingy. oh ya i want a new laptop too.
k cheers, off to find something to do! dota maybe? plus it's effing hot i swear.
xoxo
too good to be true
ps: i don't know how to stop wanting you.
Sunday, September 27, 2009
"you're safe in my heart."
met up with Whb and Huishan today! we went to Bugis for my fake eyelashes and Hs bought shorts that can't be too short, and Whb and i bought same tops. but seriously i regretttttttttt! though it's super cheap it looks weird. >.>
oh well. shall try to make it work somehow.
mooncake hunting, then back to Hougang for lantern hunting -..-
i ate four meals today. FOUR. bloody fattening i swear. i don't know what's wrong with me keep eating and eating and eating and eating. omg. just couldn't feel full? first meal was mee soto at home > second was LongJohn > third was this random beehoon thing > and fourth was dinner at home.
wtf i miss homecooked food seriously. haven't had it in ages. the only other place i used to eat homecooked food was at A's place or his grandmother's. damn nice the food i swearrrrrrrrr. simple and nice though i can't imagine cooking everyday like that.
damn wei da lor mothers and fathers, imagine the washing up! @$*@&%(&@$ turn off already lor. lol!
damn sleepy! but i feel like dota-ing. haven't touched it for quite long already, last game being Saturday? hurhurrrr.
shall go to bed. movie with long bean tomorrow! LOL. photos up soonly.
xoxo
times all the memories
ps: i understand.
met up with Whb and Huishan today! we went to Bugis for my fake eyelashes and Hs bought shorts that can't be too short, and Whb and i bought same tops. but seriously i regretttttttttt! though it's super cheap it looks weird. >.>
oh well. shall try to make it work somehow.
mooncake hunting, then back to Hougang for lantern hunting -..-
i ate four meals today. FOUR. bloody fattening i swear. i don't know what's wrong with me keep eating and eating and eating and eating. omg. just couldn't feel full? first meal was mee soto at home > second was LongJohn > third was this random beehoon thing > and fourth was dinner at home.
wtf i miss homecooked food seriously. haven't had it in ages. the only other place i used to eat homecooked food was at A's place or his grandmother's. damn nice the food i swearrrrrrrrr. simple and nice though i can't imagine cooking everyday like that.
damn wei da lor mothers and fathers, imagine the washing up! @$*@&%(&@$ turn off already lor. lol!
damn sleepy! but i feel like dota-ing. haven't touched it for quite long already, last game being Saturday? hurhurrrr.
shall go to bed. movie with long bean tomorrow! LOL. photos up soonly.
xoxo
times all the memories
ps: i understand.
Saturday, September 26, 2009
single girl swag
okay, so.....
wasted my saturday night. could've went to powerhouse but i fell asleep..... >:[!!!!!
but i feel so refreshed after sleeping in the entire day. -.-
Cyn stayed over the day before. we basically just rotted, while she played the guitar and i attempted to learn. (speaking of which, I WANNA LEARN!!!!!!) okay, then finally decided where to go. just like old times luh! okay wait not old times, but last year.
My place > Sam's place for mahjong > Eat > Home
i lost in mahjong! luckily Cyn won though. been losing recently. sad face * anyway, chatted with Sam and his friend and C when we were eating, and we got some interesting feedback about how we appear to others, blablablablabla.
Lantern hunting with Huibing and Huishan tomorrow, i shall not be late! cause Hb says i will be.
and i wanna dota! haven't really been doing so these few days.
oh ya and movie with John keeps getting pushed back. hahahahahaha i think he give up on the idea already.
oh yeah remind me to get my falsies tomorrow, plus maybe some shopping? since we'll be going to the land of cheap clothing. heheeeeee.
hmm. okay that's all. i think it's damn amazing. why you so into me?!?!?!?!?!?!?! hahahahah bitch. okay byeeeee.
wait photos!
wha lao Cyn is fucking slim i tell you plus she looks tall, and IS taller than me. not fair i swear. >:[ she's a long bean and i'm a short mexican jumping bean -.- HAHA.
some more back somewhere, but i'm too lazy to upload them.
say yay for eggtarts in the morning!!!!!
oh yaaaaaaaa. thanks to the influence of Sam and Cyn, i want an itouch as well. but i don't think i'll be able to get one anytime soon. though maybe if i beg my dad hard enough, or get a job soon..... MAYBE, MAYBE.
oh yeah and i want a new phone!!!!! Blackberrrrrrrryyyy. pretty please?
xoxo
luv like this
ps: laterzzzzzz
wasted my saturday night. could've went to powerhouse but i fell asleep..... >:[!!!!!
but i feel so refreshed after sleeping in the entire day. -.-
Cyn stayed over the day before. we basically just rotted, while she played the guitar and i attempted to learn. (speaking of which, I WANNA LEARN!!!!!!) okay, then finally decided where to go. just like old times luh! okay wait not old times, but last year.
My place > Sam's place for mahjong > Eat > Home
i lost in mahjong! luckily Cyn won though. been losing recently. sad face * anyway, chatted with Sam and his friend and C when we were eating, and we got some interesting feedback about how we appear to others, blablablablabla.
Lantern hunting with Huibing and Huishan tomorrow, i shall not be late! cause Hb says i will be.
and i wanna dota! haven't really been doing so these few days.
oh ya and movie with John keeps getting pushed back. hahahahahaha i think he give up on the idea already.
oh yeah remind me to get my falsies tomorrow, plus maybe some shopping? since we'll be going to the land of cheap clothing. heheeeeee.
hmm. okay that's all. i think it's damn amazing. why you so into me?!?!?!?!?!?!?! hahahahah bitch. okay byeeeee.
wait photos!
wha lao Cyn is fucking slim i tell you plus she looks tall, and IS taller than me. not fair i swear. >:[ she's a long bean and i'm a short mexican jumping bean -.- HAHA.
some more back somewhere, but i'm too lazy to upload them.
say yay for eggtarts in the morning!!!!!
oh yaaaaaaaa. thanks to the influence of Sam and Cyn, i want an itouch as well. but i don't think i'll be able to get one anytime soon. though maybe if i beg my dad hard enough, or get a job soon..... MAYBE, MAYBE.
oh yeah and i want a new phone!!!!! Blackberrrrrrrryyyy. pretty please?
xoxo
luv like this
ps: laterzzzzzz
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Cyn's over atm. wasted the whole day at Sebas's. omg.....
had a long talk with Dad over everything, and ended up crying yet again. i've become like some weakling who tears at the mention of him.
and..
i think i don't take bullshit from other guys anymore. no matter how much you insist you like me, i won't believe you cause it's just crap. there's nothing to like cause i've not been very pleasant either, and that's the way it's gonna be from now on. so.. i'm sorry. don't waste your time.
omg i sound like such an up-myself bitch. if i were reading this and i'm not me, i'd be like 'omg she's so disgusting she also not pretty wtf.' but seriously i've had it with guys for now.
LOL cyn is bitching about _________. omg LOL fucking funny.
kay off to blow dry my hair. i wanna dotaaaaaaa! pictures up soon.
xoxo
ps: went and did it again.
had a long talk with Dad over everything, and ended up crying yet again. i've become like some weakling who tears at the mention of him.
and..
i think i don't take bullshit from other guys anymore. no matter how much you insist you like me, i won't believe you cause it's just crap. there's nothing to like cause i've not been very pleasant either, and that's the way it's gonna be from now on. so.. i'm sorry. don't waste your time.
omg i sound like such an up-myself bitch. if i were reading this and i'm not me, i'd be like 'omg she's so disgusting she also not pretty wtf.' but seriously i've had it with guys for now.
LOL cyn is bitching about _________. omg LOL fucking funny.
kay off to blow dry my hair. i wanna dotaaaaaaa! pictures up soon.
xoxo
ps: went and did it again.
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
"all these meaningful words, would you listen?"
currently over at Sebas's place, and i'm typing away in the dark cause he's sleeping.
my phone is out batteries and i've no charger, hence i'm sorry mum and dad i'll have to call you tomorrow to tell you that i'm safe, since Sebas is sleeping like a pig and i can't use his phone.
went out to dinner with him, his mum, Sam and Shermin cause it was Sam's birthday. happy birthday btw! you asshole stop laughing at me like always. i'm smart too yknow. HAHA.
lol. and it was quite horrible just now, cause anybody i called who knew about A and i kept scolding me. seriously like every single person. and kept calling till my phone ran out of battery.
i think my alcohol tolerance is damn lousy cause i only drank three cups of cold sake and couldn't take the after effects. -..- still feeling a bit woozy hence the order of my thoughts aren't very orderly. HAHA.
feel hungry now though, cause i puked everything out -.- but i feel so proud of myself cause i didn't call him up and cry though i think i did call him. but i didn't cry! and ya i'm fucking lousy..... omgz.
but felt really terrible today. made a bet with _____. if i lose = i'll be his girlfriend. and if he loses = he'll be my dog. lol but i think i will win, cause i believe in A. i didn't realize how much i trusted that he still won't let me down like that till _____ kept saying otherwise. then i kept saying 'no lor he's not like that anymore' blabla.
OH YA. i scalded myself today. so ke lian rightz -..-
anyway, i think i'm gonna go before i say anything else. gnight whoever's out there.
i think my ps's are always written as if he'll read it, but i know he won't. but it just makes me feel better typing it so i can pretend he does. -..-
xoxo
ps: when it comes down to it, i'd still do the same for you no matter what anyone else says. went through a lot of shit today for you, but it's something you'd never know cause i'd never tell and you'd never care enough. but i think that's what i've realized; i deserve better than you. not cause you aren't good enough, but because i deserve someone who loves me whole heartedly. i realize that now, but the thing is this: it doesn't make it any easier to get over you.
edited:
it fucking sucks to be me right now. i've turned into one of those girls who keep pining over their ex-boyfriends and it's so irritating and sickening. i can't concentrate, haven't slept properly for a month plus, and everyday is that same old cycle..... and yet he's doing fine. though up to his neck in shit, but still, fine. how is it that he's so okay without me and i'm barely holding it together without him? ]: it fucking sucks to be me, i swear. i hate looking at happy people, and it's funny cause i don't even hate him for breaking my heart.
Monday, September 21, 2009
yet some others
It’s the worst feeling in the world to love and hate someone all at the same time. And it’s hard to watch things change when all you want is for them to stay the same. It’s funny but stupid how you want everything and nothing at the same time. It’s crazy when you want to let go, but you keep holding on, and when you want to move on but you’re stuck right where you started. When feelings come and go and you can’t decide what you want. When you have so many things to say but you don’t know where to start. When you want them in your life so bad, but all you can do is push them farther and farther away. It’s so hard to think back to how things used to be and look at it now and realize that things are different and they may never be the same. You tell yourself it’s not worth it, but if it really didn’t matter, you wouldn’t spend so much time thinking about it.
— (via runawaytrain) (via neonfeverandiscolights)
it doesn't matter.
You may not know it yet, maybe you’ll never even think about it, you’re going to meet a lot of girls throughout your life, and maybe a lot of them will be special to you, but I’m telling you right now, you’ll never find another me.
- (via eletheowl)
these two quotes mean a lot to me. funny how i take heart in words. just words.
someone asked me why i made the choice to not say no. why i still wanted to be the last option, a spare tire. and i said, 'i'd do the same if it were anybody else'
and it's true.
it's funny that when i was younger i could bare my soul to anyone, and now it's hard getting the words out. that, plus it's all the same old, same old.
xx
better off asleep
— (via runawaytrain) (via neonfeverandiscolights)
it doesn't matter.
You may not know it yet, maybe you’ll never even think about it, you’re going to meet a lot of girls throughout your life, and maybe a lot of them will be special to you, but I’m telling you right now, you’ll never find another me.
- (via eletheowl)
these two quotes mean a lot to me. funny how i take heart in words. just words.
someone asked me why i made the choice to not say no. why i still wanted to be the last option, a spare tire. and i said, 'i'd do the same if it were anybody else'
and it's true.
it's funny that when i was younger i could bare my soul to anyone, and now it's hard getting the words out. that, plus it's all the same old, same old.
xx
better off asleep
spazzzzzzing out
exams tomorrow..... did i mention that i feel so afraid and unprepared for them? have never sat for these kinda things omgosh. i meant the subject, not the exams. hand rotting time.....
okayie. realized that my blog has been quite photo-less recently, cause i keep forgetting to charge my phone = no batt = it's more important to keep my phone alive to contact people rather than camwhore, though i was tempted to.
i hate those girls who look good in every single picture. like nice angles and such. ahhhh i want a blackberry!
been dota-ing every single night, and i think people have been getting pissed off with me cause of it, especially _____. but it's funnnnn! now i know why guys are always playing it. it's good to waste time especially if you don't know what to do. like for example on friday night they had drinks but didn't really wanna drink, so when John said he felt like dota-ing, then off we went to play at some random lan.
felt so included for once!!!!! LOL. it's damn stupid, but in the past it was always me falling asleep while waiting for A and the guys to be done with that game, and i remember he'd ask me to go learn how to play dota but i gave up without really trying. -..- but at least now i can play with my future boyfriend, or maybe he'll be the one getting pissed off cause i play too much and have no time to pay attention to him. hahahahahahaha.
okay maybe going over to Sebas's to study since one book of mine is with him and his house is so much nearer to Queenstown so i can reach there faster too. fucking sucks my lappy can't use Microsoft Office it's damn annoying!!!!! i want a new laptop though i luv this one still. been through so much with me..... i think i'm too sentimental. hahahahahaha.
anyway, i'm going off already, my biological clock is totally screwed like seriously.
i think sooner or later Jc they all won't wanna play dota with me already cause i'm really too noob. *sad face. sometimes i die and i won't even realize it till a few seconds later. hahahaha okay i sound damn high.
oh yeah and i hate gaining weight i feel so pudgy now. ewwwwwwww. and wtf my lower body can't seem to lose weight already.
okay wait bye!
xoxo
i give up.
ps: it's not that i'll never want you back, trust me i do. but like what that quote said; i'm done chasing after you. congratulations, you're the first person i've really ever given up on. happy? i'm ready to be happy now.
okayie. realized that my blog has been quite photo-less recently, cause i keep forgetting to charge my phone = no batt = it's more important to keep my phone alive to contact people rather than camwhore, though i was tempted to.
i hate those girls who look good in every single picture. like nice angles and such. ahhhh i want a blackberry!
been dota-ing every single night, and i think people have been getting pissed off with me cause of it, especially _____. but it's funnnnn! now i know why guys are always playing it. it's good to waste time especially if you don't know what to do. like for example on friday night they had drinks but didn't really wanna drink, so when John said he felt like dota-ing, then off we went to play at some random lan.
felt so included for once!!!!! LOL. it's damn stupid, but in the past it was always me falling asleep while waiting for A and the guys to be done with that game, and i remember he'd ask me to go learn how to play dota but i gave up without really trying. -..- but at least now i can play with my future boyfriend, or maybe he'll be the one getting pissed off cause i play too much and have no time to pay attention to him. hahahahahahaha.
okay maybe going over to Sebas's to study since one book of mine is with him and his house is so much nearer to Queenstown so i can reach there faster too. fucking sucks my lappy can't use Microsoft Office it's damn annoying!!!!! i want a new laptop though i luv this one still. been through so much with me..... i think i'm too sentimental. hahahahahaha.
anyway, i'm going off already, my biological clock is totally screwed like seriously.
i think sooner or later Jc they all won't wanna play dota with me already cause i'm really too noob. *sad face. sometimes i die and i won't even realize it till a few seconds later. hahahaha okay i sound damn high.
oh yeah and i hate gaining weight i feel so pudgy now. ewwwwwwww. and wtf my lower body can't seem to lose weight already.
okay wait bye!
xoxo
i give up.
ps: it's not that i'll never want you back, trust me i do. but like what that quote said; i'm done chasing after you. congratulations, you're the first person i've really ever given up on. happy? i'm ready to be happy now.
Saturday, September 19, 2009
cheered up!
omg jay's friend just called me using the hostel phone. could hear him shouting stuff cause he can't use the phone and apparently he's thirty feet away. fuck reminds me of how much i miss him!!!!! and he's sweet cause he told his friend to tell me to take care. and his friend kept saying the wrong stuff on purpose, like
Jay's friend: 'SHE ASK YOU TO TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF TOO AND SAYS SHE LOVES YOU!'
Me: 'EH YOU DON'T ANYHOW SAY HOR!!!!! I NEVER SAY THAT!'
Jay's friend: 'He say he love you too!!!!!'
Me: 'YA LIKE REAL! you don't anyhow say things lah!'
Jay's friend: 'REALLY REALLY I SWEAR! i swear on my family if i lie i'll meet a terrible fate'
Me: 'okay okay.....' blablabla.
oh ya and cause normally i don't pick up unknown numbers, so idk what made me pick up his call, and his friend was like 'IS THIS JO?!?!"
i hope he comes out soon. i miss him! though he's always being stupid and like to act mysterious, but Jay really can be sweet when he wants to. and it's always nice being able to chat with him for hoursssssssss on the phone. hahahahah he'll probably deny all this and act one manly if he sees this, but i don't think he will.
JAY! COME OUT SOOOOON! and we'll meet up and catch up. heheez.
kay dota time w Juncheng, Weekian and Zhihao. i think? bbuhbye.
Jay's friend: 'SHE ASK YOU TO TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF TOO AND SAYS SHE LOVES YOU!'
Me: 'EH YOU DON'T ANYHOW SAY HOR!!!!! I NEVER SAY THAT!'
Jay's friend: 'He say he love you too!!!!!'
Me: 'YA LIKE REAL! you don't anyhow say things lah!'
Jay's friend: 'REALLY REALLY I SWEAR! i swear on my family if i lie i'll meet a terrible fate'
Me: 'okay okay.....' blablabla.
oh ya and cause normally i don't pick up unknown numbers, so idk what made me pick up his call, and his friend was like 'IS THIS JO?!?!"
i hope he comes out soon. i miss him! though he's always being stupid and like to act mysterious, but Jay really can be sweet when he wants to. and it's always nice being able to chat with him for hoursssssssss on the phone. hahahahah he'll probably deny all this and act one manly if he sees this, but i don't think he will.
JAY! COME OUT SOOOOON! and we'll meet up and catch up. heheez.
kay dota time w Juncheng, Weekian and Zhihao. i think? bbuhbye.
heartache.
can't hold on for long... tomorrow would be the 11th.
and it fucking sucks cause i know we could have made it.
but yeah. could have.
)':
and i'd give anything for one of those chances we took for granted.
though i treasured you more than anything else.
Friday, September 18, 2009
you don't make sense.
"well you know what they say about men."
am fucking tired at 8.09 pm, in fact i'm lying on the bed about to fall asleep. determined to blog however, i've no idea why -..-
mahjong at John's with Johnathan and Junkai > Meetup with K, Whb and Boo > Home to rest > and later it's Pasir Ris for drinking session with John, Jonathan and his friends.
i'm fucking fucking tired hope i can wake up! only have about an hour to rest. was supposed to meet _____ for dinner but decided against it. weird? hahahahaha.
lost about $30 + in mahjong today, and it's been awhile since i lost this kind of amount. normally i'm pretty lucky, but urggh, maybe it's self fulfilling prophecy huh, since i felt like i was going to lose today. -..-
okayyyyy back to the issue of C and D. urgh, i feel so disgusted even linking their names together. supposedly he's denying every single thing? like what the fuck even going so far as to act all self righteous and all, how do you sleep at night man?
and i've heard of other people who get victimized by such rumors too, when it didn't even happen. like what the fuck? you people enjoy saying stuff that aren't true huh? i feel so fucking disgusted, like seriously. i don't understand why people like you have to spread things like this, and even worse deny it afterward. like what C wrote on her blog, you dare, you tag on her blog and say that you didn't do anything, didn't say anything. i despise you, low life creeps who give decent guys out there a bad name.
and the worse thing is that those guys aren't even hot. oh so maybe that's why they all feel the need to say such stuff? fucking disgusting! and guess what, you can't even have the guts to own up to it and be like a 'man' or something and apologize. why deny it when everybody knows the truth? every message of you saying that, it's proof kay.
coward. i despise you. in fact, i think most of the girls despise guys like you.
hahahahahahahaha. acting like that, what are you trying to prove?
okay anyway, off to snooze for awhile. i missed my girls, and it felt nice for the four of us to be together again even if it was just for awhile. luvssssz.
night, photos up soon!
xoxo
heartache
ps: it's still the same, only perhaps that the ache grew deeper, and my heart feels like it's hollow. i don't know how to carry on.. but carrying on is just a step to move on.
am fucking tired at 8.09 pm, in fact i'm lying on the bed about to fall asleep. determined to blog however, i've no idea why -..-
mahjong at John's with Johnathan and Junkai > Meetup with K, Whb and Boo > Home to rest > and later it's Pasir Ris for drinking session with John, Jonathan and his friends.
i'm fucking fucking tired hope i can wake up! only have about an hour to rest. was supposed to meet _____ for dinner but decided against it. weird? hahahahaha.
lost about $30 + in mahjong today, and it's been awhile since i lost this kind of amount. normally i'm pretty lucky, but urggh, maybe it's self fulfilling prophecy huh, since i felt like i was going to lose today. -..-
okayyyyy back to the issue of C and D. urgh, i feel so disgusted even linking their names together. supposedly he's denying every single thing? like what the fuck even going so far as to act all self righteous and all, how do you sleep at night man?
and i've heard of other people who get victimized by such rumors too, when it didn't even happen. like what the fuck? you people enjoy saying stuff that aren't true huh? i feel so fucking disgusted, like seriously. i don't understand why people like you have to spread things like this, and even worse deny it afterward. like what C wrote on her blog, you dare, you tag on her blog and say that you didn't do anything, didn't say anything. i despise you, low life creeps who give decent guys out there a bad name.
and the worse thing is that those guys aren't even hot. oh so maybe that's why they all feel the need to say such stuff? fucking disgusting! and guess what, you can't even have the guts to own up to it and be like a 'man' or something and apologize. why deny it when everybody knows the truth? every message of you saying that, it's proof kay.
coward. i despise you. in fact, i think most of the girls despise guys like you.
hahahahahahahaha. acting like that, what are you trying to prove?
okay anyway, off to snooze for awhile. i missed my girls, and it felt nice for the four of us to be together again even if it was just for awhile. luvssssz.
night, photos up soon!
xoxo
heartache
ps: it's still the same, only perhaps that the ache grew deeper, and my heart feels like it's hollow. i don't know how to carry on.. but carrying on is just a step to move on.
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
kiss and tell, no fuck no tell
"you're delusional, you're delusional"
hey you motherfuckers, so what's it with those rumors you're throwing about? for one, about another you don't even fucking know, and for another you're talking about things that didn't even happen.
heard the term kiss and tell? well you shouldn't, do it i mean. even worse, NOT kissing and telling something that didn't happen? how manly does that make YOU?! i mean seriously what the fuck is your problem, hello nothing of that sort happened, and what did happen, you didn't have to act like such an immature little kid and go blabbering about it.
so big deal, it was a club, alcohol was involved, and it was a mistake. obviously duh, to go anywhere near THAT mouth? hell yeah, LOTS of alcohol. i mean seriously dude fucking grow up. so what? you didn't kiss before? no-one ever touched those innocent virgin lips of yours? seriously what.the.fuck?! to actually go around proclaiming so loudly of things that didn't happen? fuck you! oh wait. NO, don't. no-one ever did.
seriously does that boost your ego? parading around something that didn't happen? is she supposed to thank you for ruining her reputation? lol! like what Mariah sang, "WHY YOU SO OBSESSED WITH ME?!" or in this case, HER.
seriously i am fucking pissed off, and i don't even fucking know who the fuck this guy is. probably some ugly bastard who can't get any so he has to make up some fucking lie to make it seem like he does. if you're reading this, then please go and fucking get some prostitutes to show you what a blowjob really is? oh yeah does that make you feel all manly? what, she blew you and was so experienced that she knew when you were about to come? well i'd bet if anyone touched that dick of yours, your stamina would so lousy that you'd come within the first five seconds. yeah bastard. die happy!
hyeah and i'm fucking pissed off with other people too, namely this girl who acted so sweet in front of my darling, and fucking backstabbed her. you mean you heard SOME stuff? oh from who? the guy who received the "blowjob"?! hahahaha and there you are acting like some innocent girl, well honey news for you! your reputation ain't squeaky clean either, you're a bitch, a two faced fuckup and people do think that of you (: and you've spoken to her on what? two occasions? nice one yeah bitch, you're THAT close to her huh. please, worry about your own reputation before talking about others. well, if the subject of THIS paragraph is reading this, then listen up bitch: you're fucking proving all the people out there who think you're a fucking two-headed snake right, and i guess they are. C fucking gave you the benefit of the doubt, that you're not a slimy disgusting triple faced whatever, and she even said, 'she's quite sweet what'. hyeahhhhhh how wrong is she? HAHA. and even when they said 'She's not even pretty what, such a backstabber, i don't even know why guys like to get close to her. BE CAREFUL OF HER.' and yknow what C said? 'but she has nothing to backstab me about what, what can she say?'
oh yeah. SO WRONG HUH. i guess people in NYP M. learn how to make things out of thin air. okay not all, maybe some..... namely.....? i seriously don't get why such people can be so fucked up yknow, what are you trying to prove? especially when you have no link to the matter at all, why would you wanna go around saying things like 'oh you know some stuff' -..- yeah know what exactly? can you fucking look C in her face and tell her what you know? or look in that mirror and see that backstabbing reflection of yours?
AND, to all the other people who keep talking about this fucking matter. fucking grow up. yeah discussions about it are fine, cause obviously who doesn't gossip? but wah seh, EVERY SINGLE DAY? don't you all have other people to talk about, your own lives to live? apparently not, since you're harping on other people's lives, and even worse, their sex lives?!?!?!?!?! or in this guy's case; his NON-EXISTENT one.
fuck you very much! oh wait. don't. later you tell people how?! HAHA. yeah you wish she fucked you. YOU WISH. don't talk about her like something more than that happened. don't talk about her like you fucking know her. don't even think of making judgments if you fucking don't know what went on; if you don't know the whole two sides of the story. it's just bloody childish, grow up already, don't you all have better things to do?
if it happened, it happened. if it didn't, DON'T SAY IT DID. yeah it's only a fucking club. whatever happens, stays there, in the night. don't fucking kiss and tell and prove that you're just a kid when it comes to such matters. such a fucking gentleman, thanks? ever thought of what will happen to her reputation? i mean she's a girl eh for crying out loud. being called a slut when she didn't even do anything that warrants that with you?! honestly, in my opinion, you're fucking lame cause you actually went around telling people that you had sex and got a blowjob from C. trying to step one Eminem going around saying how he fucked Mariah? oh yeah if you're planning to say things like 'NO ONE ASKED FOR YOUR OPINION!' then fuck you, it's F.O.C for douchebags like you.
well at least we know the credibility of this rumor, and like in Gossip Girl, it'll go something like: 'Spotted: Pathetic D's making a big fat lie out of nothing, casting C as his main lead. obviously, nothing happened, but who's to say what else T will 'hear' and spread around? believe what you want, but certainly believe this: What goes around, definitely comes around."
you know you love me bitches!
xoxo
Johanna T.
quote.
I’ve been through so much with you, more than any other guy, and I still want you as much as I did the first time I laid eyes on you. Every time I see you, it’s like meeting you for the first time all over again. It’s the butterflies in the stomach, the not knowing what to say, but out of all the things you’ve taught me, there’s still one thing I don’t know. I don’t know how to fall out of love with you. I don’t know how to let go and as I stand here looking at you, I wonder if there will ever be a day when I will get over your smile, when I will let go of the hugs you gave me that I continue to feel. A day when I forget the words you said to me, forget what you meant to me or forget how much I love you. But, no matter what you did to me or whatever happens to us, I know I could never get over, let go, or forget you. When you care about someone as much as I do you, being apart is the hardest thing to get used to. I thought I’d handle it just fine and that I’d be happy just to keep you on my mind. But it isn’t always that easy. Sometimes the one thing that would please me the most is simply seeing you. I knew that I’d miss you, I just didn’t know I’d miss you as much as I do. I want to share my tears with you. I want to share my love with you. I want to share my happiness with you. I want to share my strength with you, my smiles, my frowns, my joy, my loss, my good days, my bad days, the rain, the sunshine, hot cocoa, and the snowflakes. I want to share my life with you. People can just be best friends, but at one point or another, one of them will fall for the other, maybe temporarily, maybe at the wrong time, maybe too late, or maybe, just maybe, forever.— (via eletheowl)
everybody goes through this at a point of time; i just have to adjust to life without him right? i'd like to think i can do this on my own, but whenever someone tells me something that reminds me of him, another wave hits and i somehow realize; i can't get through this at all.
and it makes me wanna break down and cry, and makes me wanna run back to his side, but that isn't an option anymore. the only thing i can do is carry on and hope that one day i'll wake up and find that i don't love him anymore.
xoxo
ps: i can read your mind.
Monday, September 14, 2009
This is a good period for you to follow your impulses, Sagittarius, and you can expect to see success in love at this time if you do so. Whether you are single or attache...d, you are in a period where you can say exactly what you feel or do exactly what you are inclined to do with very little trouble. Your instincts are dead on right now, and this is also a good time where you are understanding what others are communicating at a very intrinsic level. If you need to take a little risk when it comes to pursuing your romantic goals, you can do so today without having to worry about any fall out.
so, will it be okay for me to call him up and tell him i want him back? HAHA good luck with that one i'm sure.
new life, new life remember? maybe it's time for a new guy. but why am i considering _____ of all people? K, you know what i mean. hahahaha people go O.O?! nowwwww. hurhur.
okay i luv my friends. at least they're here for me right?
there's so much more going on behind the scenes, so much more. or not.
very very tired. snooze time, or not since good brother is coming over. no, not sebas. kbyeeeee.
wo yao dota!
xoxo
amnesia, amnesia.
so, will it be okay for me to call him up and tell him i want him back? HAHA good luck with that one i'm sure.
new life, new life remember? maybe it's time for a new guy. but why am i considering _____ of all people? K, you know what i mean. hahahaha people go O.O?! nowwwww. hurhur.
okay i luv my friends. at least they're here for me right?
there's so much more going on behind the scenes, so much more. or not.
very very tired. snooze time, or not since good brother is coming over. no, not sebas. kbyeeeee.
wo yao dota!
xoxo
amnesia, amnesia.
Sunday, September 13, 2009
"sunshine after the rain"
whassup luvs.....?????? HAHA.
it's 3:50 am, and my brain is starting to hurt after trying to be good at dota. LOL! i shall slowly build my skills up up and away! people should be more encouraging UNLIKE John, who says i'll still suck next year.
insert sad face here*
anyway, meeting up with K for lunch tomorrow at NYP.
yesterday it was Sebas's place > Parklane > Plaza 2 meet Dweeps > Home.
okayyyyy. so, made some decisions, and i'm trying to stick to em. two days and counting! hopefully 2 days will evolve into 2 weeks into 2 months, and so on and so forth. i need a new boyfriend lah, or some new friends.
maybe Butterfact on Weds with some random guy from facebook? or Powerhouse on the weekends with him and his friends. -.-
okay, shall be back with photos tomorrow, after lunch with K.
so, back to more dota. had one round with Shawn and Theodore, and one round on my own. i think it's damn funny when playing with public, and the unknown people start to kpkb cause i'm damn noob, and friends whom i'm playing with, like yesterday, will say something like 'she's a girl lah first time playing'
and the people will shut up, or immediately become much nicer. hahahahaha.
but anyway, i don't really like it that the 'she's a girl lah' was used. i mean..... that's just so sexist! though it does help cause i don't get scolded, but that's just saying that girls can't be as good as guys isn't it?! which is totally not true!
like that day we were playing pool and i was moaning about how much i suck. and Bh was like 'no? you're good for a girl!" okayyy i luv bh and all, but also can't like that say ma. doesn't mean that guys really will be better than girls? though ya i admit i suck at male-dominated games but that doesn't mean that females will lose ah.
-.- okay never mind. being female does have a lot of perks, like people carrying your stuff for you, holding doors, letting you in first, treats everywhere, drinks paid for blablablablabla. but aiya i think i just don't like it when females get underestimated, though it's good when you shine unexpectedly and that makes the dudes go all like 'WOAHHHH'!
okay enough rambling. hehe shall go train somemore. dota = good for late nights. though i think i'm getting sick of it already. short attention span!
ooh yeah and i wanna learn the guitar. PERFECT GUY HAHAHAHAHAHA. >< i've a plan. kay TTFN.
xoxo
not in comparision
ps: i'm putting you away, shutting that door, locking it up tight and throwing away the key.
Saturday, September 12, 2009
Friday, September 11, 2009
i wanna thank this idiot over here, one of my bestest. for scolding me.
he said, "Joh, he doesn't love you. if he did, he'll be the one talking to you now, not me. he doesn't love you, if he did he'll be the one consoling you. he doesn't love you lah he doesn't even give a damn that you're wasting all these tears for him lah! he doesn't deserve it lah?! that @(@*)%@)" etc etc.
cried even harder when he told me that, and i kept begging him to ask him to say that to me over the phone, and like sobbing and sobbing and whining and whining.....
asked Bh to repeat it three times, and he dutifully did, and i think it sank home. cause no matter what i'd still tell myself that he really does love me, somewhere deep down. and that's so fucking stupid yknow, cause just cause i still remember him and love him, doesn't mean that he feels the same way. and obviously he doesn't.
so, thank you Binghui! and i'm sorry i made you feel so fucked up seeing me like that. you were right. you guys will always be there for me, and he won't. he just came into my life for one year, i'm not gonna fuck up the rest of my life cause of that one year.
and like those passer bys said, if we're meant to be, we'll be together again. yeah maybe words of comfort like some beacon of hope thing, but still i'm determined to make myself better. it's gonna be damn hard, but i've got to get my foot out of this hole at least. and take it one step at a time.
there's really no point looking back, thinking and crying. it just makes me seem all the more pathetic, and it's just heartbreak. it really just is heartbreak. and i've got so much more going on for me in life, no?
i'll be better. no, i'll be the best.
just you wait, i'll get over you. and if that day comes where you find out that you still love me. MUWAHAHAH. (okay lah delusional, but let me have my fun) HAHAHA. okay, when you find out you still love me i'll totally say 'too late,what's the point?!?!?!" HAHAHAH. okay i so totally won't. but i really do hope i'll get a move on soon.
kay bye. park lane i think? and i'll look like shit with swollen eyes. tsk sigh sigh sigh sigh.
xoxo
starts with goodbye.
ps: holding what i have left and leaving with my head held high. byebyebyebyebye.
Thursday, September 10, 2009
synchronization
okay it's scary how someone else's life seems to be going in sync with my own. Cyn should know what i mean.....?
even with all the lose control parts, and the fucked up over other people getting fucked up parts.
okay, so Bugis with the Twins and their friends > Fortune Tellers Place with _____ > Kovan with Binghui, Carson and Edwin > Carson's place till morning > R.Plaza for breakfast > Home.
the first thing he told me when i sat down, was 'You have trouble sleeping at night right?' and i was like O.O 'How you know?! Saw my eyebags ah.' -..-
and he said i always wake up during the night, and can't really sleep for long etc, etc. which is totally true, look at all the timings on my blog posts for evidence!
so yeah, am supposed to get something blessed by the Church so that i can sleep easily? cause supposedly i'm more prone to..... yeah. but i really hope i can sleep properly luh. i think last night at Carson's was the first time i could sleep so well; like totally dreamless sleep all the way, or rather dreams i can't really remember, totally uninterrupted.
cause normally my dreams will be damn vivid and be about stuff going on in my life or some weird stuff blabla though nothing unpleasant, and i'll wake up feeling very tired and like i haven't really slept or worse wake up with a headache. sucks i need pills but no one else is willing to get them for me.
oh yeah and he took a look at my palms and said my love life ain't very good for now cause it looks very messy. think he couldn't comment much about it, but he said that i'm still young, and my r/s will consist of many quarrels blabla. and he said that my heart is in a mess too, and confused; said i've to know what/who my heart really wants? loose interpretation. oh and he said my temper isn't good and that i'm petty.
HAHA okay i think i AM petty in some ways, but i hardly get angry, like really really angry, unless it's concerning A? but yeah i think i'm petty when it comes to basic human behavior blahblah.....
kinda broke down yesterday at Kovan. i really don't know what's my point in doing anything yknow. i mean in regards to ______. i know i'm supposed to be moving in another direction but i just keep going back.....
and i say the most pathetic sounding things to him, like 'i miss you'. yeah what's the point? but it makes the world of a difference, to me at least.
okay shall stop blabbering and catch some zzzzzs. tired, plus have to make a trip down to MDIS later. and fuck it la, my msn isn't working again!
xoxo
cause when i'm with him,
i am thinking of you.
ps: you don't know how fucked up and shitty it feels to be me right now, simply because you couldn't care less about me anymore. i wish you knew how it felt like for a day, so maybe you could appreciate me a little more.
even with all the lose control parts, and the fucked up over other people getting fucked up parts.
okay, so Bugis with the Twins and their friends > Fortune Tellers Place with _____ > Kovan with Binghui, Carson and Edwin > Carson's place till morning > R.Plaza for breakfast > Home.
the first thing he told me when i sat down, was 'You have trouble sleeping at night right?' and i was like O.O 'How you know?! Saw my eyebags ah.' -..-
and he said i always wake up during the night, and can't really sleep for long etc, etc. which is totally true, look at all the timings on my blog posts for evidence!
so yeah, am supposed to get something blessed by the Church so that i can sleep easily? cause supposedly i'm more prone to..... yeah. but i really hope i can sleep properly luh. i think last night at Carson's was the first time i could sleep so well; like totally dreamless sleep all the way, or rather dreams i can't really remember, totally uninterrupted.
cause normally my dreams will be damn vivid and be about stuff going on in my life or some weird stuff blabla though nothing unpleasant, and i'll wake up feeling very tired and like i haven't really slept or worse wake up with a headache. sucks i need pills but no one else is willing to get them for me.
oh yeah and he took a look at my palms and said my love life ain't very good for now cause it looks very messy. think he couldn't comment much about it, but he said that i'm still young, and my r/s will consist of many quarrels blabla. and he said that my heart is in a mess too, and confused; said i've to know what/who my heart really wants? loose interpretation. oh and he said my temper isn't good and that i'm petty.
HAHA okay i think i AM petty in some ways, but i hardly get angry, like really really angry, unless it's concerning A? but yeah i think i'm petty when it comes to basic human behavior blahblah.....
kinda broke down yesterday at Kovan. i really don't know what's my point in doing anything yknow. i mean in regards to ______. i know i'm supposed to be moving in another direction but i just keep going back.....
and i say the most pathetic sounding things to him, like 'i miss you'. yeah what's the point? but it makes the world of a difference, to me at least.
okay shall stop blabbering and catch some zzzzzs. tired, plus have to make a trip down to MDIS later. and fuck it la, my msn isn't working again!
xoxo
cause when i'm with him,
i am thinking of you.
ps: you don't know how fucked up and shitty it feels to be me right now, simply because you couldn't care less about me anymore. i wish you knew how it felt like for a day, so maybe you could appreciate me a little more.
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
"to breathe, to think."
9:41 am. can't sleep, watched Hannah Montana online. weirdly enough i find myself enjoying it. contrary to all the comments on her i think she's a good girl deep down?
oh yeah and i luv Selena Gomez btw.....
feel like tagging along with my sisters to go shop. hahahaha, but first i've to collect my books from MDIS, then meeting _____ at 8-ish to go to the fortune teller.
i've no idea why i keep acting like such a bitch to him yknow. and in the end he comes and apologizes when i was the one who made him flare up in the first place. i guess he just reminds me of all those really typical guys and it makes me kind of sick? but i know he's a nice guy.. and i know i can be so much nicer and more pleasant and stuff like that. though i really can't bring myself to be sweet. like turns me off totally. hahahahaha.
but i don't think it really matters? cause i guess to the both of us we're just wasting time.....? idk.
like what Dweepy runaway kid said, "Life is a joke!" but i told him that Life isn't the joke, humans are! and you can't blame Life for it.
i think i have way too many thoughts banging around in my head. and now my head hurts like fuck; been having trouble sleeping for the past few months and this headache has been running on and off plus i've developed a sore throat thanks to idiotically choking on smoke. -..- (Bh it's not your fault i just wanted to complain hahahahaha)
okayyyyyy i wanna shop, and i shall do so later.
head hurts, i'm a mess. help.....?
xoxo
look at you, you sad little thing.
ps: won't you make it easier by loving me back too?
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
turn the other cheek and erase you.
isn't it funny how after all these time, we've sunk back into it.. the giving of hearts and crying over it later.
doesn't get more ironic than this, i think; cause i'm acting so fucked up to others and yet acting like them to him. yknow i really wanna burst out yelling, 'i'm not like the others don't treat me like other girls i don't know why i'm so hung up over you i don't know why i cry over you you don't give me any reason to you aren't anyone but my ex boyfriend.'
and i wanna tell him i'm not some desperate shit i don't know why i'm taking that initiative to go talk to him again aren't i supposed to leave it behind? and what happened to wanting to improve myself fuck macdonalds fuck lays. fuck it fuck it.
why can't i just go along with anyone who comes my way, why'd my heart still gotta be so picky why can't i just like someone else already.....? it's so damned annoying, i feel like screaming 'get your claws off him bitcheszxzxzzxzxzxzx!' but fuck it it's him it's him. and it's so pathetic feeling jealous over someone you don't even know.....
fuck it lah when my heart recovers i swear..... i'm gonna put a lock on it, seal it shut with super strength elephant glue yknow that fucking sticky one.
i'm sick of typing down my thoughts cause my emo shit ones are all about him, why do i even want him to be sad cause of me?????? swear i'm going a little nuts why can't i sleeeeeeeep.....?
Katy Perry's 'Thinking of You' is going on in my head now. wtfffh.
and yknow i know that i'm not even fucking sad over him or what anymore, it's just that at times i really do feel sad from missing him and from how we turned out. and sometimes i do have that 'i feel like calling him and telling him i want him back' urge. hahahaha and if i say it out loud people will give me a 'wtf?!' look and start saying 'move one laaaaaa' like okay i know ..... i know.....
i know i'm sort of happier off not being in a relationship cause there aren't any restrictions, i'm free to go out with whomever i like, as late as i please, to any venue i want, do whatever, talk to anyone of my friends without feeling guilty or afraid, etc. but yknow, i just miss him. but i don't know what i miss about him. that's the weird part.
it's..... idk. gets me a tad pissed off when i hear about the part where freedom was an issue, cause fuck it la, look at yourself and your situation, then come and look at me and mine. why did it seem like you could do things you wanted and i couldn't? but maybe not to that extent either, cause afterall it's really different perspectives.
i don't wanna understand his points cause he won't ever try to understand mine, or where i'm coming from. or rather, came from. but he really should have tried. or maybe he did and i didn't see it.
aiya shut up time i'm just rambling on. 6:45 am. shall sleep in awhile and wake up to study. today shall be 'stay at home day'.
and seeing the fortune teller with _____ tomorrow, and maybe outing with Bec? not sure too. >< tomorrow, tomorrow.
i feel like such a bitch, seriously. oh wellszx.
oh ya today i backstabbed someone. i feel guilty. like seriously.
xoxo
i... you.
ps: respond. respond. respond. respond. respond.
doesn't get more ironic than this, i think; cause i'm acting so fucked up to others and yet acting like them to him. yknow i really wanna burst out yelling, 'i'm not like the others don't treat me like other girls i don't know why i'm so hung up over you i don't know why i cry over you you don't give me any reason to you aren't anyone but my ex boyfriend.'
and i wanna tell him i'm not some desperate shit i don't know why i'm taking that initiative to go talk to him again aren't i supposed to leave it behind? and what happened to wanting to improve myself fuck macdonalds fuck lays. fuck it fuck it.
why can't i just go along with anyone who comes my way, why'd my heart still gotta be so picky why can't i just like someone else already.....? it's so damned annoying, i feel like screaming 'get your claws off him bitcheszxzxzzxzxzxzx!' but fuck it it's him it's him. and it's so pathetic feeling jealous over someone you don't even know.....
fuck it lah when my heart recovers i swear..... i'm gonna put a lock on it, seal it shut with super strength elephant glue yknow that fucking sticky one.
i'm sick of typing down my thoughts cause my emo shit ones are all about him, why do i even want him to be sad cause of me?????? swear i'm going a little nuts why can't i sleeeeeeeep.....?
Katy Perry's 'Thinking of You' is going on in my head now. wtfffh.
and yknow i know that i'm not even fucking sad over him or what anymore, it's just that at times i really do feel sad from missing him and from how we turned out. and sometimes i do have that 'i feel like calling him and telling him i want him back' urge. hahahaha and if i say it out loud people will give me a 'wtf?!' look and start saying 'move one laaaaaa' like okay i know ..... i know.....
i know i'm sort of happier off not being in a relationship cause there aren't any restrictions, i'm free to go out with whomever i like, as late as i please, to any venue i want, do whatever, talk to anyone of my friends without feeling guilty or afraid, etc. but yknow, i just miss him. but i don't know what i miss about him. that's the weird part.
it's..... idk. gets me a tad pissed off when i hear about the part where freedom was an issue, cause fuck it la, look at yourself and your situation, then come and look at me and mine. why did it seem like you could do things you wanted and i couldn't? but maybe not to that extent either, cause afterall it's really different perspectives.
i don't wanna understand his points cause he won't ever try to understand mine, or where i'm coming from. or rather, came from. but he really should have tried. or maybe he did and i didn't see it.
aiya shut up time i'm just rambling on. 6:45 am. shall sleep in awhile and wake up to study. today shall be 'stay at home day'.
and seeing the fortune teller with _____ tomorrow, and maybe outing with Bec? not sure too. >< tomorrow, tomorrow.
i feel like such a bitch, seriously. oh wellszx.
oh ya today i backstabbed someone. i feel guilty. like seriously.
xoxo
i... you.
ps: respond. respond. respond. respond. respond.
what about today?
"to the left to the left, everything you own in the box to the left"
OH HIIIIII PEOPLE!
i'm in a good mood today, or rather now. -..- overslept and was damn stupid otw to John's. anyway, mahjong-ed, and i won 6 bucks! claps* oh not to mention i fang-paoed 2 times man tai and one 3/4 tai? and we only played one pok -..- okay bo liao skip!!!!!
John's father is damn nice i swear, and the way he complains about him is damn funny.
loading Wizards of Waverly Place the Movie, and nearly through it. damn nice, got me tearing though it's not really very exciting or what. but..... family issues! and Selena Gomez is so so pretty.....
ANYWAY, photos from yesterday! Binghui looks like Chen Hen Wei!
look at uhhhh... Jerome, Jfat, and Leo? in the background:
in the bus:
hahahahaha wtf gross i look like i wanna lick him. but i'm just showing off my tongue. (okay not really)
and one from a few nights before, with Ben and co.:
hahahaha toilet mirror shot fucked up hate those angles but okayyyy shutup.
bad headache my eyes are tearing up. stomach kept acting up just now during mahjong and i kept going 'AHHHHHH...... *groans* ba tong...." *random tile.
wanna dieeeeet and haiiiiirrrr grow leiiiiiiii! .
oh yeah was discussing with Joey about tumblr, and how tumblr has just become a site for reblogging? like in almost every tumblog you see pictures after pictures after pictures, and some quotes and songs blabla. i mean, isn't it a place for you to put down your thoughts as well?
i mean it's nice to have pictures and all, but for what when you're just posting up too many pictures? lolz.
and i find people who create fake names for themselves a little funny. i mean, maybe it's the way too many people have been doing it; thinking up all those quirky names and putting it on Fb and all that.. guess i just dislike the way everybody hops on the bandwagon of the latest fad. (not insulting anyone here, i'm.just.saying.)
but i guess everyone follows fads, including myself! cause i'm absolutely in luv with fashion though i've no $$$$$ to keep up with it, and instead just have to make do..... trust me if i had a choice, i'd have at least ten wardrobes and a million shoes/bags/accessories etc, but due to financial constraints i've got to make do with two. or rather, one. fucking sad i tell you.....
which reminds me, i wanna work! sigh. but no time + school..... ooh yeah which again reminds me, i've to go study! or not.
kay bye!
xoxo
tug on my heartstrings
ps: i don't know what i'm doing; i chose to swim, cause sinking wasn't an option. and now i'm struggling to tread water as my strength's wearing thin. i don't know what i'm doing..... don't break my heart again, please don't.
Monday, September 7, 2009
maybe it's just me
"the way we were"
amazingly i survived a day out without sleeping! (okay i cheated. half an hour napping in that studio place.....)
spontaneous trip to TP; decided to meet up with Binghui and kill my boredom and insomnia by hanging around doing nothing, but supposedly 'studying'.....
fucking tired now, swear. my mind's in a daze now and all i feel like doing is sleeping. see i can't even form proper sounding sentences and i'm typing weird looking words too.
after Tp > Karen's place to pass her stuff > Joe's Corner > Home.
today has been an exhausting day, though it was nice meeting new people, and analyzing them after. quizzed them on that relationship psychology test i took yesterday, and the answers were quite funny, some?
and heard ghost stories from Leo, i really like the way he talks and expresses himself, cause it's really very vivid and i can totally imagine the whole scenes play out as he describes what went on, plus he's one of the few people who maintain eye contact.
-.-
i wanna c-c-c-c-club!
got annoyed with a lot of stuff today too, flared up at small matters, think i don't take other people that seriously anymore. guys especially.
we watched best of gore today. omg besttttt..... made me feel quite sick actually. guts and brains and all spilling out on pavements, autopsies, executions, skulls cracked open..... cooooooool right, but i really don't want to end up like that.
okay shall go catch some zzzzz's. mahjong tomorrow i think? else it'll be lying on my bed K.O-ing till maybe the day after. hahahaha, yes that's how tired i am.
photos up asap.
xoxo
i don't have anything to hide.
ps: everything, everything. i wonder what it was.
amazingly i survived a day out without sleeping! (okay i cheated. half an hour napping in that studio place.....)
spontaneous trip to TP; decided to meet up with Binghui and kill my boredom and insomnia by hanging around doing nothing, but supposedly 'studying'.....
fucking tired now, swear. my mind's in a daze now and all i feel like doing is sleeping. see i can't even form proper sounding sentences and i'm typing weird looking words too.
after Tp > Karen's place to pass her stuff > Joe's Corner > Home.
today has been an exhausting day, though it was nice meeting new people, and analyzing them after. quizzed them on that relationship psychology test i took yesterday, and the answers were quite funny, some?
and heard ghost stories from Leo, i really like the way he talks and expresses himself, cause it's really very vivid and i can totally imagine the whole scenes play out as he describes what went on, plus he's one of the few people who maintain eye contact.
-.-
i wanna c-c-c-c-club!
got annoyed with a lot of stuff today too, flared up at small matters, think i don't take other people that seriously anymore. guys especially.
we watched best of gore today. omg besttttt..... made me feel quite sick actually. guts and brains and all spilling out on pavements, autopsies, executions, skulls cracked open..... cooooooool right, but i really don't want to end up like that.
okay shall go catch some zzzzz's. mahjong tomorrow i think? else it'll be lying on my bed K.O-ing till maybe the day after. hahahaha, yes that's how tired i am.
photos up asap.
xoxo
i don't have anything to hide.
ps: everything, everything. i wonder what it was.
Sunday, September 6, 2009
oh manz that ctrl+f5 thing really saved my life! okayy maybe not saved my life, but it spared me A LOT of hassle. wait, spared? -.- kay my brain isn't working again.....
so, exams the week after next. oh God, save me! haven't studied for anything, and luckily there's Iza to go to for questions though i think she's pretty lost herself. didn't think i'd have a friend in class without going for class! hahahahaha. yayyyy luv luv God. (:
anyway..... been nua-ing for the whole weekend, basically sleep > wake up > computer > eat > sleep > computer > ..... rinse and repeat as instructed. Dad got really mad cause he says i'm addicted to the computer.
study break starting from tomorrow, and so I.HAVE.TO.STUDY. anyone?????
okay, John just called and i think it's mahjong time tomorrow..... should i bring
ooh 11:11! make a wish people! kay done. heheee.
okay anyway, as i was saying, i've no idea if i should bring no name along. lolszzz.
alright, i think this will be quite a long post, cause i've the urge to post up stuff that i want! (in no particular order.....)
Marni
Jimmy Choo
Miu Miu
okay many many more but... laziness has got the better of me.
last one = my faveeeee. always wanted to have those long ponytails just yknow some casual look. HAHA. damn it why'd i have to go snip it off when i was pri 4?? i think. hmmz. and short hair all the way OMG.
ah okay enough. no money plus no more mood to continue this post. fucking annoying humans i swear.
stop acting like a three year old and expect me to keep up with you. who the hell are you anywayyyyyyy I DONT KNOW YOU WELL OKAY, don't gimme your tantrums and expect me to soothe your anger. fuck ?!?!?!?! i'm not that kind of girl in the first place so don't give me those expectations and don't get mad when i laugh in your face for acting that way. reallyyyyyyy.....
anyway, going off.
maybe back to edit. bye
xoxo
putting it all aside.
ps: byebye.
edited :
oh yeah i wanna write this here for SAM!!!!! hi idiot, take care when you're in camp! don't be emo shit cause you're going in. and find a clean helmet!!!!! HAHAHAHA. i think you should treat me to another k session when you come out :DDDDDD kidding lah take care ahh! plus don't anyhow pee now 7th month careful! hahaha bbyeeee.
so, exams the week after next. oh God, save me! haven't studied for anything, and luckily there's Iza to go to for questions though i think she's pretty lost herself. didn't think i'd have a friend in class without going for class! hahahahaha. yayyyy luv luv God. (:
anyway..... been nua-ing for the whole weekend, basically sleep > wake up > computer > eat > sleep > computer > ..... rinse and repeat as instructed. Dad got really mad cause he says i'm addicted to the computer.
study break starting from tomorrow, and so I.HAVE.TO.STUDY. anyone?????
okay, John just called and i think it's mahjong time tomorrow..... should i bring
ooh 11:11! make a wish people! kay done. heheee.
okay anyway, as i was saying, i've no idea if i should bring no name along. lolszzz.
alright, i think this will be quite a long post, cause i've the urge to post up stuff that i want! (in no particular order.....)
- shoes!
Marni
Jimmy Choo
Miu Miu
okay many many more but... laziness has got the better of me.
- LONG HAIR
last one = my faveeeee. always wanted to have those long ponytails just yknow some casual look. HAHA. damn it why'd i have to go snip it off when i was pri 4?? i think. hmmz. and short hair all the way OMG.
- BAGS
ah okay enough. no money plus no more mood to continue this post. fucking annoying humans i swear.
stop acting like a three year old and expect me to keep up with you. who the hell are you anywayyyyyyy I DONT KNOW YOU WELL OKAY, don't gimme your tantrums and expect me to soothe your anger. fuck ?!?!?!?! i'm not that kind of girl in the first place so don't give me those expectations and don't get mad when i laugh in your face for acting that way. reallyyyyyyy.....
anyway, going off.
maybe back to edit. bye
xoxo
putting it all aside.
ps: byebye.
edited :
oh yeah i wanna write this here for SAM!!!!! hi idiot, take care when you're in camp! don't be emo shit cause you're going in. and find a clean helmet!!!!! HAHAHAHA. i think you should treat me to another k session when you come out :DDDDDD kidding lah take care ahh! plus don't anyhow pee now 7th month careful! hahaha bbyeeee.
Saturday, September 5, 2009
cynthia; says (4:34 AM):
*hes not thinking abt you
Johanna says (4:34 AM):
*yeah i know.
cynthia; says (4:34 AM):
*why are you worrying for him?
*i mean its okay to la but its been w=quite long
*and
*Dont look him up if you really wanna get over him
Johanna says (4:34 AM):
*yknow, i never wanted to.
cynthia; says (4:35 AM):
*i know but its not you only
Johanna says (4:35 AM):
*i know.
cynthia; says (4:35 AM):
*looking at the situation now really dont look him up
Johanna says (4:35 AM):
*he wants me to too.
cynthia; says (4:35 AM):
*i know you miss him
*urghh
*LOL
Johanna says (4:35 AM):
*lol continue (:
cynthia; says (4:36 AM):
*just dont look him up la ...
*think about how every1 will look at you
*do you really wanna let pppl think of you as a super clingy desperate cant get over keep on looking august up
Johanna says (4:37 AM):
*sucks to be me but if that's what it takes then yes
*but i know that chances are it wont
cynthia; says (4:37 AM):
*he obviously moved on already
*it will be all these
*and no results dear
Johanna says (4:37 AM):
*i mean it wont work
*yeah
cynthia; says (4:37 AM):
*worth it?
*yea so dont look him up
*you can miss him think abt him
*but dont look him up
cynthia; says (4:38 AM):
*it'll only tempt you to wanna try to get back
*when he doesnt care
cynthia; says (4:39 AM):
*but one day you'll wake up and you finally feel like you can move on to another person
i need the harshest words, to just break that will, to stop it whole.
heart, why'd you got to be so persistent? why'd you insist on loving someone who obviously doesn't appreciate it.
truthfully i even envy couples who can quarrel, cause it means that at least they still have something. and i feel so fucked up.
tell me, who else can appreciate you like i do? take every single bit of you and just accept you for you, shit and all.
but it's been so long, too long. i need someone who can appreciate me the way i did to you. the one who would accept me without me having to change the slightest bit. the one who would mean it when they say they trust me cause they love me and not just give me words.
fuck why am i still harping on this?! b.o.r.i.n.g.
what i meant to say was: fuck this, fuck everything. i'm never gonna fall in love again. especially with you. _l_
oh yeah, and 'love is like a string and a kite. the kite will always tug a bit further on the string, wanting to fly a little higher, annoyed at how the string seems to be always pulling it down and restricting it to the ground. however, what it doesn't know is that the string is the only thing keeping it from facing the full force of the wind, and keeping it from spiraling out of control and crashing face first into the ground.'
from someone's blog i saw just now, consider it reblogged.
bbye.
*hes not thinking abt you
Johanna says (4:34 AM):
*yeah i know.
cynthia; says (4:34 AM):
*why are you worrying for him?
*i mean its okay to la but its been w=quite long
*and
*Dont look him up if you really wanna get over him
Johanna says (4:34 AM):
*yknow, i never wanted to.
cynthia; says (4:35 AM):
*i know but its not you only
Johanna says (4:35 AM):
*i know.
cynthia; says (4:35 AM):
*looking at the situation now really dont look him up
Johanna says (4:35 AM):
*he wants me to too.
cynthia; says (4:35 AM):
*i know you miss him
*urghh
*LOL
Johanna says (4:35 AM):
*lol continue (:
cynthia; says (4:36 AM):
*just dont look him up la ...
*think about how every1 will look at you
*do you really wanna let pppl think of you as a super clingy desperate cant get over keep on looking august up
Johanna says (4:37 AM):
*sucks to be me but if that's what it takes then yes
*but i know that chances are it wont
cynthia; says (4:37 AM):
*he obviously moved on already
*it will be all these
*and no results dear
Johanna says (4:37 AM):
*i mean it wont work
*yeah
cynthia; says (4:37 AM):
*worth it?
*yea so dont look him up
*you can miss him think abt him
*but dont look him up
cynthia; says (4:38 AM):
*it'll only tempt you to wanna try to get back
*when he doesnt care
cynthia; says (4:39 AM):
*but one day you'll wake up and you finally feel like you can move on to another person
i need the harshest words, to just break that will, to stop it whole.
heart, why'd you got to be so persistent? why'd you insist on loving someone who obviously doesn't appreciate it.
truthfully i even envy couples who can quarrel, cause it means that at least they still have something. and i feel so fucked up.
tell me, who else can appreciate you like i do? take every single bit of you and just accept you for you, shit and all.
but it's been so long, too long. i need someone who can appreciate me the way i did to you. the one who would accept me without me having to change the slightest bit. the one who would mean it when they say they trust me cause they love me and not just give me words.
fuck why am i still harping on this?! b.o.r.i.n.g.
what i meant to say was: fuck this, fuck everything. i'm never gonna fall in love again. especially with you. _l_
oh yeah, and 'love is like a string and a kite. the kite will always tug a bit further on the string, wanting to fly a little higher, annoyed at how the string seems to be always pulling it down and restricting it to the ground. however, what it doesn't know is that the string is the only thing keeping it from facing the full force of the wind, and keeping it from spiraling out of control and crashing face first into the ground.'
from someone's blog i saw just now, consider it reblogged.
bbye.
Friday, September 4, 2009
walls
for those few seconds....
it's scary how your heart became this vulnerable, to that single person.
even scarier if he doesn't really care how it falls, how it shatters with the slightest nudge.
toughen up, toughen up. show him how much it doesn't hurt; everything.
though it does, like you wouldn't believe.
laugh at me then. i'm a pathetic loser/joke.
ps: i miss you so so much. /////////// that's rain.
<3 that's my heart.
<\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\3 that's it broken.
<+++++++++++++3 and that's me trying to heal my heart with little bandaids.
exhausted.
wasn't as fun as i'd thought it'd be; legal in three months, can't.wait.man.
on another note, i think i've had enough of people who fake their sincerity. i mean..... just save it luh, what're you trying to prove?
Clarkequay > _____'s place > breakfast with Juncheng and Zhi Hao > Joey's place > Kovan with her for breakfast again > Home > maybe meeting Binghui later?
oh yeah found out some stuff; extremely shocking for me, but i guess to others it might come as no surprise. i think i'm really too naive cause i believed _____, stood up for _____ even. felt like calling you up and telling you about ______, like i've always did. but i find that i really can't trust who you are.
effing tired. back to sleep!
pssst: i wanna club tomorrow.
xoxo
what happens,
it's for a reason.
ps: i'm weighing the options, the pros and cons, and the consequences. it'll mean nothing for you, but for me it's starting the shit all over again. but still, we all know what i'm gonna choose.
edited:
HAHA couldn't resist it's damn funny! Twilight on FB!
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
so yesterday it was meeting up with K at Hougang Mall; i did a manicure at that bloody Nail Palace place. heard that it sucked but i really wanna go do my nails and there's no other place cause the one near cheers was fully booked already..... then now it's cui. -.-
then it was dinner at Plaza. thank you K, for coming down to keep me company though you would have preferred sleeping at home ><
reached home and Jc asked if i wanted to play mahjong..... so it was off to Roy's place. blabla, i lost six bucks! l:( found it quite hard to win, both today and yesterday. cards came in but just couldn't. -.- nvmmmmz hurrr.
idk how to get out of the house later. shouldn't have went for mahjong. now i really don't know how to get out of the house to go club. damnnnnnnn. plus haven't thought of what to wear, and the time of the month is hereeeeee....... SO BU FANG BIAN WTFH.
and.....
what.......? wo hen pa.
gah. kay bye.
xoxo
then it was dinner at Plaza. thank you K, for coming down to keep me company though you would have preferred sleeping at home ><
reached home and Jc asked if i wanted to play mahjong..... so it was off to Roy's place. blabla, i lost six bucks! l:( found it quite hard to win, both today and yesterday. cards came in but just couldn't. -.- nvmmmmz hurrr.
idk how to get out of the house later. shouldn't have went for mahjong. now i really don't know how to get out of the house to go club. damnnnnnnn. plus haven't thought of what to wear, and the time of the month is hereeeeee....... SO BU FANG BIAN WTFH.
and.....
what.......? wo hen pa.
gah. kay bye.
xoxo
hairbearcaremarehareeeeeeee
i need money!
back in 2008:
i luvvvvvvvvvv long hair. thus i went to get extensions. my hair has remained the same length for a mf-ing long time. >:[ if there's such thing as penis envy, then is there something like hair envy? -..-
i want long hairrrrrrrrrrrr. and i think i'm gonna get my color back. what a fucking waste of money,
but i'm seriously sick of this dark color though i still want that KS's chocolate brown hair.
so what say, PB&J color again? going laterzzzzz, okay actually in an hours time crosses fingers* for luck; please let my hair turn out well..... ><
back in 2008:
i luvvvvvvvvvv long hair. thus i went to get extensions. my hair has remained the same length for a mf-ing long time. >:[ if there's such thing as penis envy, then is there something like hair envy? -..-
i want long hairrrrrrrrrrrr. and i think i'm gonna get my color back. what a fucking waste of money,
but i'm seriously sick of this dark color though i still want that KS's chocolate brown hair.
so what say, PB&J color again? going laterzzzzz, okay actually in an hours time crosses fingers* for luck; please let my hair turn out well..... ><
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
gonna redye my hair.
Bec came over to help me do it, but i don't think i'm gonna ever attempt diy-ing my hair again; color didn't come out plus i think my hair got darker.
gonna call up some home-based salon in Tampines to do my hair later on. hope it turns out well, cause i totally don't feel good about my hair now. ):
and Joey is totally gonna say i do too much to my hair. been dying and redying it over and over again since two years ago. maybe on average three months once? or maybe not so much but i know i dyed my hair many times.
kinda feel like going back to the lighter shade plus highlights, but i feel so fucked up with my fringe.....
urggggggggggggg. sucks >:[ i need a change!
can't wait for thursday.
xoxo
Bec came over to help me do it, but i don't think i'm gonna ever attempt diy-ing my hair again; color didn't come out plus i think my hair got darker.
gonna call up some home-based salon in Tampines to do my hair later on. hope it turns out well, cause i totally don't feel good about my hair now. ):
and Joey is totally gonna say i do too much to my hair. been dying and redying it over and over again since two years ago. maybe on average three months once? or maybe not so much but i know i dyed my hair many times.
kinda feel like going back to the lighter shade plus highlights, but i feel so fucked up with my fringe.....
urggggggggggggg. sucks >:[ i need a change!
can't wait for thursday.
xoxo
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