Powerhouse, pn Christmas Eve. went to club with Sam and co, and this weds too! but with different people of course.

damn bored! and kinda stressed up too. fuck money issues.

anyway, no idea if i'm still playing mahjong at Sam's. majorly tempted to do so, plus discussing with Joey about mahjong. and she seems very amazed at the fact that my house does have a mahjong set and table.

though we've never really used it on account of the fact that my parents usually don't allow people to come over to play mahjong. -.-

but..... hands itchyyyyy! swear.

kay A is booking out tomorrow. 3 days before my parents come back home! (: their super sweet, text me telling me that they bought stuff for me.

and once again they have no communication skills. my dad texted me first, then i replied them. then the next hour or so, my mum texted me with the exact same contents. -.-

kay shall go watch some tvee and continue fiddling with my fb. super annoying just went to create a new one. damn ma fan.

Cyn and i were talking and i realized that the two of us are quite contented and peaceful nowadays. maybe it's really true, what they say about friends influencing each other!


kaybyebye.


xoxo

eggs are mean.

Bec's over at the moment!

the parents are out for five days and i've got to be on my bestest behaviour! that explains why i'm not out right now.

we did the typical girly stuff you'd do on sleepovers and watched 'UP'!!!!!

like finallllly! been wanting to watch it even before it came out. but didn't manage to catch it while it was still airing in cinemas. ): yay for MIO!

thank God she's over here; else i'd be super scared! and there was a cockroach in mum's room toilet just now but Bec totally saved the day by flushing it down the sink.

i think little things like this makes life more enjoyable. friends, i mean. not the cockroach.

urg i hate insects!

okieeeeeeeee. have to go rest cause B's gonna call me later on. and i've no idea why he told me to sleep early -.- but that bugger is damn annoying. i hate it when i find out stuff that he's been doing, that i supposedly don't know about. but aiya i just chance upon such stuff.

though really, i'm supposed to be secure and all that, plus it doesn't really matter, but i still don't like it. *gives annoyed huff*

stuff to do tomorrow, so i need to sleeeeeeeeep.

byebye!

xoxo

edited:

read some blogs. and i feel damn afraid of the end of this relationship.

this fear makes me almost wanna give everything up now. every single thing.the texts, phone calls, concern, jealousy, hugs, kisses, the i love yous and the blissful kinda feeling when it's like all's right with the world as long as we're together; every single piece of what constitutes our relationship.

cause we're still so young. heartbreak is inevitable, and when it happens..... i don't wanna pick up the pieces again. that nightmare's in the past, but it lingers on like a crazy song you can't get out of your head.

i'm afraid. i really am. though i say i'll be different if/when it happens, i know it'll hurt the same way all over again. though i'll know how to handle it, doesn't mean it'll get any easier.

the thing about A and i is that we don't do the whole 'forever and ever' thing. for me, it's too much to hope for, and too illogical. it's just taking it a step at a time, and getting through whatever crap comes up.

i'd like to believe that i'm special to him, like how he is to me. but then again, that's also too much to hope for. after all i'm just another person, nothing much.

and we have so many issues..... the recent one being of importance and me going to club. so so many things to get through. i'm not hoping for much, but i do hope that there won't be any heartbreak any more.

i really hate seeing couples break up. it makes me wonder when our expiry date is. he's like home to me now, and it scares me more than anything cause i realize i'm even more vulnerable now than i am then, in a way.

don't feel like blogging any more. goodnight.

mood: sombre.

not putting up with.

edited.

facebook got disabled. major annoyance. first the hacker, and now this. sent an email to facebook like an aunty. HAHAHA.

should be getting ready to get my glasses, then heading to aunt's house for christmas celebration. have no idea what i'm doing later on, though i doubt i'll be meeting A, since he doesn't seem interested plus that makes me turned off from seeing him too.

said it a lot of times, i'm not gonna settle for second best, nor the second class treatment.

anyway, off to get ready. wanna do my nails!!!!!!! ugly ugly ugly ugly ugly.

xx

ps: i'm sticking to my promise. but too bad for me, that you're a person who gives out promises like a fart from your ass. too bad for you, i'm not the girl in the past anymore.

X'mas

Fort Siloso today with A and his ship people. felt damn awkward when we first reached, cause a) not many of them brought other people along, and b) the others who went along were 'titled' like 'wife', 'kid one' and 'kid two', etc.

second awkward thing was the group photo moments. shan't elaborate on that; no idea how to either.

then came the Amazing Race thing. my face was like = (o.o) to (>.>) to (<.<) to (-.-).

cause firstly, i'm really not the kind of girl who'll be super enthu in such games, cause sometimes i really don't see a point, plus there's the whole 'i don't know anybody here' issue, and the 'wha sian the sun is fucking hot!!!!!' thing, and main point = i don't do running. not much of it anyway.

but surprisingly enough, it was quite okay; enjoyable even. the exhibitions were really interesting, plus his ship people are all quite nice, though it was on the serious side, with all the 'Sir, blablabla' here and 'Sir, blablabla' there. Plus, it was fun to spend time with A and see another side of him?

photos!

Cyn and i after work (IT Fair).









with Joey





no idea why it was so damn dark!

wha lao not fair does anyone have good jobs to recommend? i swear i'm a hard worker!!!!!

Christmas is coming! what the hell am i going to do tomorrow/on the day itself? club/go out w friends/spend with family/ A?

next year's Christmas shall be a good one!



xoxo
last christmas, i gave you my heart.

ps: i'm glad that you're still keeping it.

bad night last night, but i'm glad things are all good now.

sentosa/ fort siloso tomorrow with B.

i swear, photos up v v v v v soon!


edited:

Johanna

hey

3:14amChristopher

yo

haha

3:15amJohanna

not good

3:16amChristopher

wads not good?

3:16amJohanna

am stuck in london

3:17amChristopher

ahh...

but london is good!..

lol.

3:17amJohanna

got mugged at gun point

3:18amChristopher

O.o

serious?

omg.

3:18amJohanna

all cash credit card and cell phone was stolen off me

am freaked out

3:19amChristopher

wth..

faster go make a police report ba.

u need any help?

3:19amJohanna

yes

ineed your help

my flight leaves in few hours

3:21amChristopher

uh huh..

den how can i help?

:/

3:21amJohanna

my return flight leaves in fewhours

and i have problem settling the hotel bills

thankGod i still have my life and passport

3:23amChristopher

hmm

how much is the hotel bill?

the prob is my bank no money..

3:23amJohanna

$570

3:23amChristopher

i can sms some of our classmates tho..

i went shopping today u see.

anybody u want me to contact?

3:24amJohanna

how much can you spare me at the moment

3:24amChristopher

$200.. :/

3:25amJohanna

do you know any western union outlet

3:25amChristopher

no..

but seriously wanna help

u need me to contact anybody or not?.

3:26amJohanna

you are my only hope

3:27amChristopher

but i dunno any western union outlets...

3:27amJohanna

do you have a credit card

3:28amChristopher

nope..

tats why i ask if u need me to contact anymore

3:29amJohanna

you can do it online

3:29amChristopher

hmm

how?

3:29amJohanna

with a credit card

3:30amChristopher

hmmm.. i dun have a credit card... -.-

3:30amJohanna

you can search for an outlet through google

3:30amChristopher

okok.

will do it now.

3:30amJohanna

kk

3:32amChristopher

wad time is ur flight coming back?

3:33amJohanna

as soon as i settle the bill i head to the airport

3:34amChristopher

icic..

3:34amJohanna

approximately 3 hours

3:35amChristopher

ok

how do i trnasfer to u?

3:36amJohanna

do you know any western union outlet nearby

3:36amChristopher

nope.

:/

and no buses availble..

wad should i do now?

3:38amChristopher

is $600 enough?

3:38amJohanna

eh chris

that wasn't me

3:39amChristopher

LOL

kk

3:39amJohanna

seriously

3:39amChristopher

good.. u're online..

3:39amJohanna

i think my fb got hacked into omg.

3:39amChristopher

u kinda hacked.

ya.

the person was trying to scam money luh

3:39amJohanna

YA

3:39amChristopher

he say.. u at london kinda mugged

3:39amJohanna

ya i read that

omg

3:39amChristopher

at first belive.

3:39amJohanna

then bh called me to tell me

3:39amChristopher

ya..

i kinda smart k?

haha

k la.

i think u change pass.

i was stalling time actually..

yup

3:40amJohanna

LOL. thank you chrissss

hahaha

3:40amChristopher

npnp..

(:

niites.. haha

3:41amJohanna

hahaha okay :D

3:42amJohanna

wha lao the person rly sound damn annoying

3:43amChristopher

lol..

yar.. so desprate riites?

3:43amJohanna

YA. plus nv even say pls or ty

siao if bh never call me

3:43amChristopher

lol.. say no credit card le.. den still ask me go outlet..

3:43amJohanna

i think people rly will think i'm a scammer

3:43amChristopher

lol.. was abt to play wif him but u log in le..

YAR!.. thats why i called bh..

someone fucking hacked my facebook!!!!! and talked to jerome and christopher, and i think mabel they all.

only just knew about it when Binghui gave me a call at 3.30 AM in the morning to ask me where i am. (read the contents)

Mabel called me from taiwan too, to ask me where i am.

would be quite pissed off if i weren't so amused, and kinda touched that people are actually willing to help me in a way. but still, a tad more than annoyed. >.>

imagine if Christoper or someone actually believed that person lah! and it's not a virus. it was an actual person, cause the things that they say are different, and not those automated responses.

fuck you, facebook hacker. fuck you truly madly deeply. i changed my password already! YOU WANT YOU GUESS LOR!!!!!

HAHAHAHA. okay shut up. childish.

have to meet A at an unearthly hour tomorrow morning/later AND I AM STILL AWAKE!

okay goodnight.


xx

beyond belief.

you've really disappointed me again. congratulations.

if you're gonna continue treating me like this then forget this relationship. i don't deserve anything close to this kind of treatment no matter how many times i've flared up at you.

your actions contradict your words, and i'm not the only one who's being selfish.

my reason was for self protection. what was yours?

after everything, and still all the blame is shoved to me. you blame me for your change, so should i blame you for mine?

fuck that so called one year anniversary. you've really made this heart colder than it has ever been.

yay it fair tomorrow. gonna work and chiong like mad! hopefully i'll earn lots of $ cause i've got debts to settle and bills to pay.

fuck it. my handphone bill arrived and it amounted to a total of $200 ++. doesn't sound like much, but it's damn annoying cause it's not even my own fault.

made sure i didn't exceed much of the messages plus i monitored my outgoing call minutes. the reason why my bill is this high is cause of the GPRS usage. fuck it i swear.

the Bb was a little hard to understand initially, what with the wifi browser and the gprs browser. took quite a while to get the hang of it and realize that i have to shut off the thingy. FUCK i swear. the data usage alone got my bill racked up to that amount.

lucky i went and got the data service plan enabled to double ensure that at least if i use gprs accidentally then i won't have to pay as much, cause it caps at $39.90 i think?

dad should be quite angry already. but what the fuck is a Bb for if i don't use internet?!i really shouldn't be blamed that much; it was an honest mistake.

but fucking expensive luh. yeah to some people it mightn't be much, but to me now it's a lot.

(hahahaha i sound so damn spoiled. but it's true, and i know i am quite spoiled in some ways. but i'm working hard to break that habit!)

anyway, i've got to have an early night; long day tomorrow! all the best to meeeeee!

goodnight world.


xoxo
survivor

Virgin attempt.

this is me attempting to blog via my bb.



Ps: I hate reading about/seeing couples break up.

Sent from my BlackBerry Wireless Handheld

"coming back to you"

B's retarded beyond belief but aw damn it's amusing and kinda endearing in a lot of ways. like when i get mad, just a smile and some spastic movements can get me to forget my anger just like that.

anyway, he's back!!!!! and it sucks cause we're not gonna be able to spend much time together this year (what's left of it), and the next.

already got his Christmas present(s) in mind (WHERE'S MY BIRTHDAY PRESENT YOU ASSHOLE?! hahahaha), but it's not gonna be very expensive due to the fact that i'm quite broke. ))))):

what i would give to be rich.....! *laments wistfully* the things i can buy.....

alright, shall go get down to some DIY-ing. stripped crop top coming right up. easy peasy lemon squeezy. just a few snips and a little something something with my sewing machine = TADA.

no need to waste money to get one of those retailing, though i'd bet the workmanship will be so much better! oh well.

ooh yeah! i don't think i'll be eating very much for this period of time, due to the fact that there always seems to be something swimming around in my food.

found hair in my ban mian earlier, and when i cooked noodles just now, i found two little insects in them. SMLJ?!?!?!?!?!

fuck my life, i swear.

kk bye.


xoxo

torn.

shitload of photos to update this photo-less space with, but i really can't be bothered to.

so many decisions to make, so little time.

it really sucks when you can't count on the person you love to give you support and encouragement without going on and on and giving useless criticism. but it ain't his fault; i'm a hopeless case to begin with.

moolah come to me please!

working this weekend at the IT fair at suntec. people who need laptops get your asses down and buy from me; i'll be your friend forever.

kay, gotta start racking my brains out. i promise photos up soon, whoever's reading this.



bye

xoxo
but that don't bother me.

ps: what hurts the most.

fun fun fun

went to St James with @Cynthia and @yeemay for someone's birthday. i hate mix ups! super irritating when you've to wait and wait.

have no idea why it was so packed; maybe the people at zoukout decided to jump ship?????
i think we're super li hai!! managed to get in even after so many obstacles.

the bouncers were very pissy and stuff and there was a lot of pent up anger running around. males + alcohol + fucked up situation = CMI.

anyway..... yeemay faster 18!!!!! and cyn faster go make a police report!!!!!

Cyn's telling me she'll be a good president. LOL .idiot. i just gave her a 'hurghhhh!' sound.

kay photos up soon! last night was an okay night save for some hiccups, but over all satisfaction rate was okay?????


xoxo

forever

thank you for all the birthday wishes, and efforts to spend time with me on my birthday!

spent it almost exactly the way i wanted. hurhurrrrr. :D

anyway, am at B's, and he just ordered canadian pizza. i luv waking up and being able to eat. but like fattening onlyyyyyyyy. oh well.

i wanna get my waterproof eyeliner. :D

andddddddddd. stop reading what i'm writing August you idiot.

and stop 'wtf-ing' !! hahahahaha

have that wanna work feeling, but too bad not working. anyway, pictures up soon!

my k faze thingy is back already. rahhhhh shall go listen to some dbsk/2ne1/snsd/ftisland bla.

damn annoying saw shaun's status on fb! and he's saw minhwan, jaejin, and jonghoon! WHAAAAAA. super envvvvvyyyyy. i think taiwan celebrities have no effect on me lor. and i think if one day i see Jaejoong i will like faint.

like seriously. or maybe i will wait to faint. HAHAHA. omg the countless dreams i dreamt of him..... ))))): sucks la why dbsk now like that?!?!?!?! ):

damn sad only. SM SUCK MY NON EXISTENT DICK!!!!!!!!!!!. fuck LSM.

RAH.


k bad mood upon thinking of it. BUT WO BU GUAN. they're never gonna break up. IDC.


kk byebye.


xoxo
keeping the faith.

write it down

contemplated posting up several potentially embarrassing pictures i had screen shot from A and my past msn conversations, then decided against it cause it's so goosebumps inducing.

he's been off for only a day or so, and i think a little part of me is missing him quite a bit.

i miss him being plain retarded and doing weird arsed gestures and doing little actions that make him seem way too kiddish for his age.

the other day we were at Macdonald's, and apparently the counter lady asked him "Xiao di, ni yao chi shen me?"/" what do you wanna eat little boy?"

okay not quite till the extent of little boy, but still.

two from that day out with Sam; way overdue. sorry dude! :D i'm still too lazy to edit the rest. maybe soon? hahahahah.

B and i. swear the flash kept focusing on my face i've no idea why. and A's already darker than me by quite a bit. i think my editing already not bad lor, though it still looks quite off and horrible. but the flash was BLUE eh.





k la k la. hurry come back with my presents okay?


on another note: i need new fake lashes and lash glue and liquid eyeliner. sad face*



xoxo

it's hard for me to watch sad scenes movies without inserting some stupid comment about how the mucus is running out of their nostrils, or how they are drinking their tears, or how it's damn dramatic or fake.

secret: i don't think it's because i scoff at emotions; it's to get me laughing to keep me from crying.


xx

effort.

what's the point of apologizing when you still continue doing whatever you're doing? doesn't it make the apology kinda moot anyhow?

and i do realize that this applies to me too.

but i think i've really lost faith in you. and it sucks cause it's tiring trying to hide how i feel even though there's no point showing it out.

we are what we are. and if that's your extent of how much you bother, then don't.

i really really don't need a repeat of disappointment and heartache. i hope it won't be that way, but what the hell are the odds of us actually working out; us being so mismatched?

i know somehow we fit together, but if the effort isn't there then there really is no point, now is there?

on a side note: i'm working tomorrow at a place i'd never thought i'd be working at. people who see me: pretend you don't and just keep walking thanks.



xx

been so long

"i like the way you move"

i have decided not to sleep. i don't know why, but yes that is my decision.

i will go and get ready super early so i won't miss that fucking job interview, and i will paint& trim my nails after blogging. oh yes, not to forget, i have to give Baby his wake up calls so that he won't be late again! or else he won't be able to book out tonight, plus he has to stay in on Saturday for guard duty/study or something. oh well.

he won't be around on my birthday either, cause he'll be off sailing. like damn sad only!!!!! okay wait. not really lah.

even though it's my 18th it doesn't really excite me other than the fact that i can legally go clubbing instead of sneaking in and worrying about how to get in. other then that it's not really very YAY inspiring, especially cause of the fact that it's that much easier for my parents to kick me out everytime i screw up.

don't really feel like celebrating though. dinner would be fine with me HINTS* and i wanna go club, especially cause A won't be in town. HAHA.

damn overdue photos!

this was from that day in Eskibar, with Isaac and his friends. super friendly people (:

Isaac is super pretty in pink!











didn't take many pictures! but played fun games like beat?!?!?!?! i have no idea what that game is called.

cyn and i went to the bartender and asked him to give us a free mixers! and we succeeded. same with another group of people, who turned out to be A's campmates. super small world luh.

this is me trying to act cute. wearing rainbow heartshaped dangly earrings that my sisters made for me a super long time ago out of those earring kits for kids. so sweet right! i kept it all these while.




okay that's all for now. can't be bothered! I AM LAZY!

anyway, shall go paint my nails and go play viwawa or something. :D



xoxo

trying to find out how to use my phone and i think i've been accidentally using GPRS instead of WI-FI for the past day or so. FML.

a lot of fml-ish things occurred the past few days, and to top it off Baby's going to spend more time in camp.

i wanna go out! but i feel so disorientated it sucks. kay doesn't make any sense.

so much to do, so little time.