'distance

am feeling a tad weird, like i'm readjusting to something that i've been living without. and apparently i have been.

wd says i'm feeling weird because i'm insecure? and maybe i am. but i'd rather be feeling this way than all up in bliss and not knowing a thing. add that one issue to the pile of 'joh's issues' then.

thing is, i heard all that you've to say, that things aren't necessarily how they are, but face the fact baby, it's like butter and margarine cause technically things are kinda the same. (okay that sounded better in my head)

we've agreed that it's like a can't live with can't live without kinda thing. we get irritated and quarrelsome when we're together but when we're apart it's like there's a part of us missing.

i just need that..... assurance. you know? that no one else can ever take this away.

but then again, sometimes i wonder if we aren't just throwing this down the drain ourselves.

urg i hate relationships.

sheldon cooper ftw!!!!! totally love him. hehe



xoxo

ps: banned from clubs/pubs/thai discos. you'll never catch me sucker.

maybe we're better off this way.

'A

beautiful girls all over the world, i could be chasing but my time would be wasted, they've got nothing on you baby, nothing on you baby.

this song/sentence is running itself stupid in my mind, and i've come to realize that i've an auto correct thingy for songs like such, with the 'they've' instead of they and so on and so forth.

was supposed to get an mc with Juncheng earlier on, but i woke up late? and the polyclinic was c l o s e d. fyi people it closes at 4.15 pm (registration) instead of 5 like we originally thought. went to Aldrin's to meet the rest and had some impromptu mahjong after a session of webcamming. headed to play basketball where we proceeded to get screened and went to eat and then home.

tomorrow's gonna be a hell of a long day, with school + project + work + club with Huishan and her friends. hope it's gonna be damn fun cause i kinda need the releasing of stress. hehe can't wait!

urg gotta catch some shut eye like soon, but i'm so damn awake!!!!! nooooo. okie shall go naozxzxzx.



xoxo

ps: it's my choice. but don't you realize it's never ever up to me? i want it all or nothing at all.

'Giving up.

currently at Aldrin's, using the com + rock band.

thought a lot about things, and finally there is a conclusion.

seriously, don't fucking regret anything that you do. i've said it once, twice and over and over again but it's just like screaming into the wind.

you aren't worth whatever i thought you were.


i'm still waiting - hg.

seriously. i'm totally fine with two people of the opposite gender being friends, but this is really fucking ridiculous.

universal studios? seriously?!

'Taking it back

i just really don't wanna hurt anymore.

i wish i can forget every single thing that happened, every single memory we shared during these 20 months together.

i wish i never believed what you said, wish i never gave in when we broke up for good. wish i never believed you when you said that you'll change and sort out our problems.

i wish i never met you. cause now my heart hurts so badly i just wanna curl up somewhere and die.

a part of me already is.

'Diary

What did Octopus Paul predicted for you?

"You will catch your partner cheating!"

.:

an app on facebook. how..... accurate? 

i don't know how to face myself anymore. you make me feel so fucking worthless. 

thank you to the friends i have with me, esp xm who sent me home just now. thank you very very much.

sometimes its too late when you say you wanna turn back.

i just don't understand how you can expect someone to love you for every single hurting thing you do, especially when it hurts to the fucking core. 

leaving things be might soothe things, but then again this is killing whatever i have left for us. 

i don't expect much, not the way you think i do. if you think you won't ever lose me, think again. now, these might all be words, but someday you might turn around and find out that i'm no longer trying to catch up with your footsteps. 


really, i don't know why so much happiness and sadness can be put into this relationship. 

neither do i understand why we can't talk about us and settle things properly. i'm only repeating all these words because you wouldn't take the time to listen. and isn't it easier to just either figure out what we must do to avoid going in such circles, or just end it? that has always been my perspective; that there's no point running away.


and i'm talking as if he'll know this. damn ironic that the possibility of this being read by everyone in this world is so much higher than the person it was actually meant for. 


i wish i can read your mind. though i think i'd pretty much not enjoy the things i'd see. 




hello, girl living in misery here. HAHA




ps: all relationships are the same when it comes right down to it. seen too many people get broken down recently. but then again, if there're no cracks, how does the light get in?

'indiscretion

i wish this icky feeling in my stomach will just go away.

'Show you the ropes

today was a tiring day, so was yesterday. in fact the entire week drained me out. i'm feeling like a granny today cause i feel so so tired. four and a half hours of sleep is not enough.

dragged myself to school, then vivo after with two classmates and then dinner with my parents followed by stocking up of stuff.

i'm kinda surprised that i made friends in this class tho. thought i'd be the loner girl blabla, okay actually i kinda still am but it's getting better. HAHA eh it's hard fitting into a class where everybody already knew each other for months before okay! defensive*

kinda rambling on, oh i saw a little boy roll down a fake hill today. yknow the ones at vivo? HAHA reminded me of Mk and the rolling down the slope incident.

anwz i really wanna get plastic surgery. change this face of mine hehe. i know people will judge, and i know people will try to dissuade me, but it's really something i've been wanting to do since forever. there's nothing wrong with wanting to look a lil prettier at least k?

k i'm off to do whatever plus tidy my room. i kinda want a quiet weekend with mahjong and friends, that's all. some quiet time. HAHA

oh, and i have a really pretty classmate.

xoxo

'Baby let me love you down

changed my blog layout yet again. this time it's in a default layout but with minor tweaks and additions to it. kinda luv blogger now cause it's really convenient and pretty!

had a great night last night, and spain v germany 1-0! conflicting sides could sense people giving me weird looks cause when they ask 'who're you supporting?' but i'd say 'Germany!' and when Spain nearly scores/scores i'd be damn happy. HAHA

i miss mahjonging. and i've really got to start going to school.

crappppz! hehe going to hunt for soup. omg my appetite is O.O



xoxo

ps: i really really want a car. 

'GOALLLLLLLLL!

changed my blog layout but it's currently pissing me off and the match has started. hehe very hopeful! <:

shall create a formspring. inspired by @cynthianeo_xr ! kkay byez!


xoxo

ps: Holland 1 - Uruguay 0

'When I grow up.

i'm wondering what i'm gonna do in the future. when i was younger, the visions i used to see when someone asked 'what do you wanna be when you grow up?' was of different things. now, it's more materialistic, but with major touches of fantasies of course. (cause that's the way i am)

i think i wanna be/do too many things. and the funny thing is, i always see myself alone in these fantasies. maybe it's cause i'm not the type to settle down so quickly, though i've been in a shitass long relationship (for me and him, both). or maybe i've realized since young that you have to sacrifice somethings in order to gain other things.

i just wonder how much i'd be willing to give up in order to achieve what i want.

contemplative mode much?



x

 

'Navy Open House 2010

am finally done with uploading of photos for Navy Open House 2010. i did try to upload it earlier but everything just went blank so i am hoping that it wouldn't do the same when i try to edit this. 

went there with Benji + George. and there're photos of me, but i look like shit in them so i'm not gonna put any up. hehe nut looks so cute in these photos! so does George. hahahaha

anyway, school later on at 3.30pm and Zouk after that? but i need to catch some shut eye; hardly slept at all last night. 

and i'm so sad because my favourite herbal soup stall apparently closed down. like 30th June was their last day of business. and i wasn't there to drink their soup. >: 

depressing way to start the day actually, though i do hope that it will be good from now on. after my sleep. it shall be a good day! <: 

it'll be great if i wake up at 12 and there's soup right in front of me to drink. HAHA. (Y) 

asked A, 'would you do anything if i went for plastic surgery?' 

and he replied with a 'i don't think i'll recognize you.' blabla 'no i won't. what can i do? but i don't understand why you like to be fake.' (obviously he means like fake eyelashes, extensions, makeup etc.) but if there's a chance to actually do something to myself to make me prettier, i figure why not? 

for me it's not about how people look at me and whether they think i look good or not, though that part does count for something. it's more of the 'look into the mirror and liking what i see' kinda thing. but somehow i'm thinking about it like how it'd affect my personal life and stuff. cause i don't think many of my friends will approve? 

nvmz save money then say.

nights! 

xoxo

ps: i should be born korean.