no matter what

"your day must be full of sunshine"

ssffff

happy birthday darren goh! you're finally seventeen!

but on another note.....

i miss you. no, not darren of course. -..-

school awaits.


xoxo
if i ain't got you.

just hold our love in your arm

"let's all keep the faith"

merry christmas fuckers! heeeee. at liangjie's, and ya. cause tomorrow's his birthday, and i really feel like bathing. oh man.

sucks when i forgot to bring everything. like facial wash and everything, but i did bring my soap though! hahahaha i'm going to be nice smelling in a few (:

kind of quarreled with the boyfriend last night. on and off arguments these past few days, about some stuff. i think i blurted some stuff out to him last night, when i was half asleep.

quite a lot of stuff happened these past few days, and i have no idea where to start.

mentally exhausting, and it makes me feel as if it ain't christmas any more then an ordinary day.

went to vivo for christmas countdown, after spending some time with the relatives. these days i keep cabbing everywhere. oh no lah. that bad habit shall not start again (:

and! CYN MET ME! hahahahahaha after like what seemed like a thousand years, i finally met up with one of my favorite people in the world.

took photos of the guys, and hongguo and liangjie were all too ready to pose for the pictures. HAHA especially hg. act emo shit. (:

went back to the headquarters for these few days, which is liangjie's place and spent time sleeping all the way till now. HAHA. oh yeah i just got up to eat and sleep then eat and sleep and eat then sleep.

its as if i'm perpetually in some major pig mode. eat sleep eat sleep eat sleep.

boooooooooooooooo.

fatfatfatfatfat.

anyyyyyyyyyway, i forgot what i wanted to say.

handphone is out of commission, cause it's battery-less and i have no charger ):
i wannnnnnnnnna charge my phone and i want to bathe.

guess i;m going to take belated x'mas presents for everyone cause i have no money.

i'm going to bathe soon, but roy's going to bathe first cause someone special is coming over at eleven (:

and he's like totally "does this look good on me? does it look very dirty?" blabla. HAHAHAHAHA. funny shit.

(: alright off i go. i'm like, bored.

xoxo
i have a wonderful kind of love.

wildest kiss for love

"you're the one i'll need"

cussssss

currently attempting to play dota in a game that's me vs the computer.

it's a very exasperating game, in case anyone is wondering. never was a fan of games where you have to run around and destroy things.

i hate waiting to be respawned, and blablabla. overall it's still quite exciting lah. but i'm totally noobish at it, so. *shrugs*

big head told me to go learn how to play it. trying my best to, but still getting kinda bored at it, cause i kind of have a short attention span.

might be going swimming tomorrow at the sengkang swimming complex thingy? i'm not too sure if i'm swimming though. there's that issue of fats, and all you know you know you know?

i wanttobethin i wanttobethinnnnnnnnnn.

-..-

okay, so events lately.....

kinda forgot whatever that happened recently, because they kind of slip my mind quickly cause i can't quite be bothered to post up stuff and update anything.

well, there was the class chalet? where most of the people who stayed over the most didn't belong to charity.

well,,,,,,,,,, after a million years of attempting to play dota, i quit after two games.

and i was a leaver for both games. HAHA cause i kept getting scolded.

cannot lah just kept getting lost and i have no idea what the hell to buy for items and all that. wth lahszszxxzxzxzxzxz

bighead says he'll teach me some other time. he's some noobshit too i bet. HAHA no lah kidding (:::::: coughs*

i'm super dee duper bored.

ohmy.

went to watch "nick and norah's infinite playlist" a few days back. it was..... not bad. hee. funny and all, but was distracted by the uncomfortable seats. anyway, it's funny how the two of them just fell in love over the course of one night, from having nothing in common to talk about, seemingly, to having everything to talk about under the sun.

and norah is one cool chickydooo. -..- imagine being able to be let in for free and not having to even line up for anything. ain't that cool shit? haha

also watched "bolt". super cute show, about this dog who kinda played jim carrey's role in "the truman show" i have no idea whether i spelled some words correctly-..-

anyway, he was totally in the world of "bad guys want to kidnap penny, and i have to protect her!" kind of thing, but like in actual fact, penny's just an actress (voice of miley cyrus) and he's just in some weird show. poooooooor thing yo. but it's a happy ending all the same!

ah i love the holidays.

oooh. mum's birthday is tomorrow! 20th i mean. heeeeee. and so is 2nd month.

although there were some unhappy stuffs previously, i'm glad that everything is fine now. although it's just a short period of two months, it's kind of the happier months i've spent recently. (:

kinda missed that feeling of smiling from the bottom of my heart, and.....

i don't know why things would take a twist like that, but i'm glad it's this way. (:

alright enough of these stuff. goosebumps are already forming. brrrrrrrrrrrr.

anyyyyyways.

gie tagged me to do her quiz stuff, and so i will try, though that idiot's quiz thing can't cnp.

1st

According to your age, list down the number of things that most people don't know about you, and then tag five people.

1) i have a middle name
2) i think a lot
3) i like thinking
4) i don't feel like talking when i'm in a bad mood
5) but i still do anyway.
6) i don't listen to jay chou songs
7) but i still know how to sing most of them anyway
8) thanks to the people around me
9) i once loved 5566
10) i bang into stuff all the time
11) i have super strength (:
12) i am actually very feminine
13) i like hello kitty stuff
14) i like pink
15) i attempt DIY stuff
16) i like to sleep a lot
17) and finallyyyyy, there's finally something i really regret.

i'll tag everyone who saw this.

2nd

1) The person who tagged you is?
Angie

2) Your relationship with him/her?
Good friend (:

3) Your five impressions of him/her?
silly
funny
crappy
blur
super dumb sometimes (:

4) The most memorable thing he/she has done for you?
Taking care of me when i'm sick in school.

5) The most memorable thing he/she said to you?
confessing her love for me. HAHA

6) If he/she becomes your lover, you will?
uh..... scream in fear?

7) If he/she becomes your lover, things he/she has to improve on?
saying my name correctly the first time, instead of going "rebecca, eh cynthia, eh carmen,
eh jinjing, eh joh!" HAHA

8) If he/she becomes my enemy, you will?
this will never happen (:

9) If he/she dies, you will?
have a big party to celebrate! NO LAH CHOY. of course cry till i die.

10) What is it you want to tell him/her now?
I miss youuuuuuuuuuuuu!

11) Your overall impression of him/her?
stupid dumbdumb. (:

12) How do you think people around you will feel?
Huh?

13)The characters you love of yourself are?
too many to list down.HAHA

14)On the contrary, the characteristics you hate about yourself are?
lazy, can't be bothered, always late, selfish, blablabla.

15)The most ideal person you want to be is?
it would take days to list it out.

16) For the people who care and likes you, say something to them.
i'm always here for you. always and forever.

17) Pass this quiz to 10 people that you want to know how they feel about you.

cyn
angie
bec
big head
binghui
karen
boochuan
huibing
mabel
huiying

who is no.6 having a relationship with?
don't tell you.

is no. 9 a female or a male?
female

if no.7 and no.10 are together, will it be a good thing?
no ba?

what is no.2 studying all about?
NYP Business management

when was the last time you chatted with no.3?
a week ago? talked properly i meant.

what kind of music band does no.8 likes?
those band band one.

does no. 1 have any siblings?
yup. one sister.

will you woo no.3?
later sebastian kill me.

how about no. 7?
later her boyfriend kill me also.

is no.4 single?
no. he is attached. TO ME. HAHAHAHAHA.

what is the surname of no. 5?
tayyyyyy

what is the hobby of no. 10?
darren goh is her hobby (:

do no.5 and no. 9 get along?
don't think they know each other very well.

where is no. 2 studying at?
NYP.

talk about something for no.1!
she is my partner-in-crime and one of my bestest best friends (:

have you tried developing feelings for no.8?
nnooo . she's too unlovable. HAHA kidding

where does no.9 live in?
a hole lor. HAHA no lah hougang.

what color does no.4 likes?
sss zzzzzzz. don't tell you.

are no.1 and no.5 best friends?
nope. hahahaa

does no.1 have any pets?
an ex hamster in her cupboard. HAHA.

is no.7 the sexiest person in the world?
that place is filled by kim jaejoong lah.

what is no.10 doing right now?
sleeping?

phew.

finally done. long shit post. bye.

xoxo

i love you, i swear it's true.

ps: i'm sorry i went. and i'm sorry i made you disappointed and angry and sad. i'll let you punch me if you can bear to. HAHA.

can someone kill me please?

i'm sorry baby. please don't let anything worse happen to my bighead )::::: x infinity.

thank you God.

color blind at a rainbows crossing

"you'll harden your heart like never before."

currently am at plaza, typing with a faulty keyboard while the rest play dota.

again.

oh welllll.

oh yeah and i'm kind of in a comtemplative(sp?) kind of mood now, but it's kind of ruined cause of a very irritated feeling i'm having against my falsies. like what the fuck can't they stick on properly once and for all without threatening to drop off and can my eyes STOP tearing? -..-

GOD.

anyway, i think humans are all weird and selfish creatures. you cling on to someone, firmly declaring your love and never ending whatevers, till you get your fill of the chemicals that make up "love" and then you leave.

and sometimes you don't have a better reason for leaving, and so you hide and declare, never pausing to care how it might affect the other person in the relationship, that that's the end.

but is the stand you originally have, good enough to take the fall in place of her heart? it's true that it doesn't really matter what you say, simply because you're not the one left to pick up the pieces, like always and forever.

sometimes life is fair, and it gives retribution to those who deserve it. but what of those who don't deserve it? to have tears in their eyes, perhaps asking,why them, why him, and why her.

but all they have to fall back on are reasons that further pull holes into the thin fabric of something resembling a bullet ridden cloth. if saying, "cause i was weak," or "cause i found out differently," or something else could further cover the hurt that would fall, then perhaps it should be said. but honestly it really shows the fact that you could have done better/tried harder/gone further. it never should end this way.

and now it makes me scared. as nelly furtado goes, "why do all good things come to an end?" and do they?

i mean. once certain things are said, or done, it's hard to do things like that. perhaps if what your vision of a perfect relationship was wearing you out, then shouldn't you change it instead of heading the easy way out?

OH PIKACHU'S BACK. -..- from hongkong. welcome (::::: he said he got me something that will make me more feminine. LIKE HELLLO?! I AM ALREADY SUPER FEMININE CAN!?. anyway he walked into plaza so ya.

anyway, i lost my train of thought. thanks.-..- HAHA.

soiguess i'll continue some other time.

classchalet tomorrow, and i hope everything will go smoothly and well. (:

off. ta fuckers (:



xoxo
but you'll never see her cry

ps: what ever may be, i'll stand by you. like always, and like forever.

absolute doubt

"and you'd break it over and over again."

ssssssssss

can someone tell me if it's me who's expecting too much? or is it me who always expects too much, and myself who lets me get disappointed when what i expect falls short?

it's always hard to say what i mean, and why does it have to be others who can guess what i'm really thinking, or how i really feel?

words get stuck repeatedly, and sometimes it just doesn't seem logical anymore.

a voice is saying "so what's the damn point?" and another part of me says "but you love him".

laughs.

and usually that voice that makes me feel so pathetic and disgusted with me wins. it's as if i've lost almost all control to be how i was.

perhaps it was me who was screwed up to begin with, forgetting that it's just a very simple relationship, but i swear i've lowered my expectations.

and it's always someone else being there for you now, instead of the one who was supposed to hold your heart, and protect it from getting hurt.

and i forgot the point that the best person to protect your heart is usually the one who can break it the most.

mentally exhausted, physically exhausted. am running a temperature, but it's okay.

all the better to wallow in misery with aye.

feeling better now, somehow. though nothings been done about it. someone told me to tell him how i feel. but i can't. words get stuck. really stuck. and it's as if i can't allow myself to be weaker than i already am in front of him.

someone also said, "______ is so simple. all he does is work/ dota/ play billard/number ball/ sleep/ gamble..... etc, it's not very complicated what! i don't know why you get so emotional....." blablabla.

just one sentence to say to that, "i cannot comprehend simple stuff." in a way. it's just that i will over think everything, and it turns out complicated, and i really cannot get simple logic.

i don't want to be that weak piece of shit.

and i'll change for you, but will you change for me?

weewee said "it's not about meeting the perfect guy, it's about meeting an imperfect guy and he becomes all you'd ever want."

true that, but have i became all you'd ever want?

xoxo
you're calling,
but perhaps tonight i won't
pick up the phone.

ps: you love me more?
for you, a thousand times over,
and would you?

to who, you have become

"very nearly, you leave me breathless"

ffggggghhhh.

it's five fourty two a.m., and i'm not asleep yet. OKAY, nothing unusual about that, but it's the oh my God i'm at home! kind of feeling that's leaving me feeling a little restless. hoho.

not that it's a bad thing that i'm at home or anything; i even wanted to stay home just now. but all the same.....

oh yes. i'm learning how to play dota! like triple hehehe. luckily glenn downloaded the game into cyns and my laptop! it was something that he did quite a few months ago, so it's like a 'woah it comes in handy!' kind of in amazement feeling that keeps bugging me.

hahahahahah i think i construct weird sentences. -..-

'you have to have the game, then you install it, then you go garena.net to download garena there, then you create and a/c there, then you open it and you make sure your patch is 1.22 instead of the older versions, then you join room then you can start playing.'

that alone took me close to three hours to complete. totally mind-boggling shit, though someone told me 'it's a no brainer game' like har-har-har!

kept having that feeling of extreme irritation when i got stuck at some points of time, so luckily royston was nice enough to keep guiding me through. (:

i want to become a pro at this stupid game so that that idiot big head won't keep on playing. but oh well. hahahahahaha.

i have no idea what i'm thinking too. javiour says i'm too emotional -..- kay lor.

i ammmmmmmmmmm. like i cry at sad movies, i get angry at things i can do nothing about, i get swept off with moodswings, and i let my mind get my heart worked up into a frenzy about non-existent problems.

i guess it's not so much as changing, as learning how to hide how you feel. and sometimes it's not about changing the other to suit your needs; it's about you changing to suit them?

ended off with a question mark, because i'm still unclear on that part. i mean, how can you lower yourself, to the extent of changing everything about yourself, for the person who's supposed to love/accept you for exactly how you are?

part of me will want to do it willingly, and yet the other is remaining obstinate on that one fact, that the person IS supposed to love me for who i am, and not what he wants me to become. it's a whole big contradiction.

and yet.....

i don't know. i'm not saying he wants me to change, i'm not saying that at all. i'm just placing myself in that situation whereby perhaps, my significant other wants me to change. cause i've been seeing these kinds of situations too much lately.

and maybe i'm still not able to say that i know what love is.

cause sometimes i wonder what the hell love is, and i wonder if i'm in it, or if i just think i am, or if there's some other emotion that is much stronger than how i'm feeling right now, and i'm just mistaken.

i wonder why samseng only has one strand of hair.

LOLLOLLOLLOLLOL. random shit. you know? that samseng of the bookworm gang? hahahah childhood storybooks likethose from Enid Blyton, or that guy who wrote the BFG, and matilda and what nots. forgot how to spell his name though.

the days when you were young, and nothing scared you more than your parents getting upset with you and scolding you.

thinking back of days where my parents used to scold me, and i'd cry my eyes out. and i remember telling myself not to cry, and slowly i stopped crying. that was when i started growing up i guess. hardening up emotionally in ways that i'd hate kids to become, but i guess that's what happens to everyone.

the problems you'd face then were perhaps arguing with your friends, and getting all upset, but all too soon you'd make up. when you grow up, sometimes petty quarrels could escalate into episodes where friends of years end up growing apart.

where fights really end up in people getting hurt, with knifes or metal rods or what ever, instead of the pinches/slaps/ and punches thrown. getting into fist fights when you were younger meant getting bruised. getting into fights when you're older could mean you getting stabbed.

ho.

and so life's a breeze?

how the hell can anyone look on the bright side of life, based on those odds?

never stop trying though. (:

tsk sigh. okay it's late/early whatever. time to go.

OH YES.

i found out some stuff today, that made me totally go "OH YEAH SONGGGGG!" hehe. like big grin* but mostly for the other thing.

alright, this post is the lengthiest post i've had in a while. somehow i prefer livejournal though.

supposed to up by twelve thirty and look at the time! no wonder those pimples haven't gone anywhere near to disappearing ):

'ta darling.

xoxo
you leave me powerless

ps: i wish you were here.

happy birthday, cause you're another year older

HAPPY BIRTHDAY WEIJIE!
open your eyes to look at this post causeeeeee its for you (:
my birthday is december tenth hor HAHA.

not in askance of your love.

"don't turn away from me"

tireddddd.

Da S's skin is like..... "ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" totally flawless and luminous. totally love it.

went to bugis yesterday after meeting at heeren, and lazed around. went for a simple dinner at food junction. totally last minute and stuff. -..-

darren goh's last day in singapore, cause he's off to japan to be a samurai. HAHA dumbbbbbb. -..-

no luh he's off for a week, and i know someone who misses him terribly. (: hope things work out for them.

some unhappy stuff happened. walked home from plaza with royston at around one plus?

.

glad everything has worked out. dearest and vincent walked over, (: .
okay i have no idea how to express what i want to say, but i'm glad that he bothered to come over, walking, nonetheless.

(:

alright i'm off to get ready. hope mum will let me out of the house today, especially cause today is a friday, and i'm bored out of my mind though i'm still super tired.

hope darren has a safe trip and won't kill me for posting that picture of him, which by the way was taken outside kovan.

he's supposed to play the role of a beggar, in case anyone didn't recognize the posing and the sad face he gave. oh yes, that shiny metal thing in front of him is the garbage can cover he took from the dustbin a few feet away.

there's a video still luh, but i forgot whose phone it's in.

kay
'ta

xoxo
whomever who loves whoever

ps: i think you're very, very, very, very, very..... attractive?

too used to a good thing

"i should play my hand all cool and calm"


fggghhhh

was supposed to meet big head for breakfast but in the end it wasn't to be. -..- in a better mood now than before but still a tad grumpy about the proceedings after.

quarreled with the parents over insignificant crud, but it's over now, and we've all made up. was late and rushing to school, but luckily i was smart and i messaged karen to tell her i'm late, and HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

she told me the teacher had food poisoning! wah like happy only. i hope the teacher will get well sooooon (: but i'm really happy that there's no school! (:

there's some cooking show on right now. cooking shows are nice to watch! and i enjoy that sound that the bowls make when they click on the counter top. HAHA weirdo.

oh yes. darren goh is heading to japan today! hope that the dinner plan thing will go smoothly. have no idea why i'll always get that "omg i'm so going to miss this person" when i find out that someone is leaving the country or something.

and i want to go to bangkok! to mai dong xi chi dong xi mai dong xi chi dong xi mai dong xi chi dong xi!

and.....

i think i really want to learn how to play dota. my GOD. that damned game was the source of all my frustrations last night. i really want to know what the hell is so nice about it, cause e-v-e-r-y-o-n-e is playing it. and i mean EVERYONE.

almost all the guys, at least.

horrible shit. dota is a boyfriend stealer >=[

i mean, what's so nice about running around killing others?! tried counterstrike the other day, and it scared the shit out of me, not to mention it brought me a bout of motion sickness cause of the whole swiveling around to shoot the enemies kind of actions.

i sound like such a loser. but i'm not (:

woah that cooking show is cooking up some serious shit. looks super delicious. and makes me want to learn how to cook it.

i remember telling eve "next time if i have a boyfriend i'll make bentos for him to eat" and making up my mind that i'll cook a lot of stuff for my boyfriend to eat.

so.....

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

big head you die.

and..... i think some days i wake up feeling all single and unattached, and yet sometimes i'm walking halfway and i go "oh my God! i'm actually attached!" -..-

okay lah no big deal but still..... it's a big thing for me kay. single for God knows how long and now.....

been a month plus and yet it seems like much longer, perhaps cause quite a lot of things happened? no idea.

had/have trust issues with myself/others/him. but i'm learning to keep it under and learn how to reassure myself most of the times, and i'm sorry if it gets out sometimes, but i'm really trying i guess.

oh well. jumble of thoughts running amok in my head, but what's new? time to go do something to my photos/blog layout.

'ta

xoxo
but i can't breathe.

ps: to _____, take care of yourself, but i doubt you'd see this anyway.

hold your heart

"wouldn't be here without you"

i'm some what done with the color schemes for this blog, but there's still some minor tweaking to be done, like the color of some fonts and stuff.

oh my i am so bored. mum is at home studying for her exams, while the twins are sleeping.

boreeeeeeeeeeeed. big head is still sleeping, and so i think i'm heading down to plaza to meet huiying. think darren and jerold are there too, but i'm super super super super super late.

i need cash. think i'm going over to oriental to work again, cause of the fact that christmas, the season of festive cheer is coming, and i've to get cash so i can afford some nice presents for the people i love. (:

have no idea why i'm so intent on buying presents this year.

okay it's five. shall go and hurry up to get ready. i want to get fake eyelashes too, URGH the agony of having no moneyyyyy. ):

eh that rhymes! hahahahahahah idiot. -..-

my birthday is coming soooooooon. ):

byebye sixteen, sooooooon.


kay off i go.

xoxo
wake up wake up love.

perhaps, love

"cause you have a heart of gold"


okay, so this is a hop leap and juummmmmp! to blogger, instead of livejournal, and i'm missing elle-jay already. like hello? been on it for forever, and am going to miss it. but oh well for some 'will make your toes laugh' reasons, i've decided to make the change. i think cynthia neo knows the reason and uh, perhaps she will remember it (:

so, off to do my template and stuff. going to edit the background colors and do away with the whole font issue. ick, i hate ugly fonts.

till then,
taa!


xoxo,
prohibited charades fool no one