"will you stick with me through what ever, or run away?"
i know that's not exactly a real flattering photo, but whatever.
big quarrel with the parents, about serious issues.
guess i've really, really disappointed them this time. and there's nothing much to be said.
you know how sometimes you make a mistake, but it doesn't seem that serious to you, and in a way you just continue, and let it go on?
and how you're never ever gonna be able to wipe your slate clean, to hold your head high without that guilty conscience plaguing you?
well, maybe that's too dramatic, but it's real similar.
and you know sometimes it's just so hard to make a choice. between two really really important people/things.
it's like, tugging on your heartstrings, pick me, pick me, and you're still unable to choose.
two that i hold real dear to my heart. it's not that i don't know which is more important, it's just that i don't think the situation actually needs me to let go of the other.
really, you reap what you sow, and lately that's all i've been doing. reaping my just desserts.
with school, with my relationship, with my parents, with my friends.
life is screwed up right now, real real screwed.
and somehow a part of me really wanted B to be there when they were yelling, screaming, shouting at me. just wanted to like bury my head into him and shut them out, to feel safe.
and we talked about some issues that i've been thinking about lately, and some answers he gave me were quite surprising.
before i make any decision, i'd want to know if we're worth it. if we'd stand through the long run, else what am i chasing after?
that thought did occur to me, really it did.
but well, i guess sometimes the phrase 'you'd never know' applies?
alright, head's in a spin. need some rest.
'ta loves.
xoxo
the weight of the world
ps: B, it's not gonna be easy from now on. ):
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