fools gold

"hearts interwined; snap"


went to the interview thing with Bec, and that girl turned out to be Cheryl Chew.

wtf?! damn surprised when i walked into Starbucks and saw her sitting there. yeah.

headed to Oriental to get her pay, then Bugis to meet two of her friends. they were quite nice luh, and friendly (:

afterwards it was to Punggol (sp?) End with Bec and Sebastian (her boyfriend). rained halfway, and we ended up at the bus stop. called a cab and here i am at home. didn't manage to catch anything. enjoyed the rain though, it's been a long time since i've been able to stand under it for awhile, just feeling the way it falls on my skin.

i've learnt my lessons completely. and truly.

from one of Bec's friends. about trust between couples, about how it's very important. and her situation is exactly like mine; with a boyfriend who just went in the army (same date even), and with a five month plus relationship.

she trusts her boyfriend completely. and her boyfriend trusts her completely too. why is it so different in our case? i can't trust him, and he can't trust me. before i was too paranoid, way too much. and i couldn't see how much of a problem i had; and even when i said i knew, i still didn't get it.

didn't get much of it anyway. i caught the gist of it, but i didn't grasp the true concept. yes, i still do believe that love doesn't equate blind trust, but for love to actually work, you do need trust. and for me it's a leap of faith.

it took nearly 6 months for me to understand that. and God, why'd i have to get it at the end? but at least better late than never huh.

wo zhen de dong le.

so.....i'm not going to move on, neither am i going to stay waiting, hoping that he'll come back to me. i'll take initiative, yes i will. but not like how i was. like what _______ said, 'just take it a step at a time'.

was doing the twilight version of crying. the face scrunching up but no tears come out face. and somehow my heart was/is damn tired, like it's anathesized and it needs a long sleep. but somewhere there's still an ache all over it.

i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry .

zhen de, hen dui bu qi.

and it's stupid, cause i'm typing as if he'll see it.



xoxo
baby, ily. ):

ps:

就算我们之间有什么问题
依然想念着你
虽然被放弃虽然我愿意

就算我们之间有什么难题
黑夜我还想着你
心碎人孤寂虽然我愿意
心还想着你

every, single, word. like always, like forever.