i can't unlove you.

"the sky got bitter twisted"

i'm staring at the screen, wondering what to type. something happy? like "oh! today i xxxxxx." or something depressing like, "today xxxxx".

well, we broke up, like again.

and it seems like i'm drowning myself in dried mango. gah.

seems like life is at a standstill now. like a full stop. no, it's not that my life is over without him. it's just that i have no idea what to do right now. like still stunned, though i should have gotten over it; gotten used to it.

i hope that your words were true. having faith vs common sense, wonder which will win out? it's always my heart winning over my brain, so what about this time?

damnnnnn. insecurities vs faith. another thing that faith will never win, unless there's a good solid foundation. but based on the circumstances..... i really truly am sorry for what i did, but truth be told i don't think it's a very big thing cause nothing happened, but if it were me, i'd react ten times as worse.

chick vs dick is quite comforting though. thank God for funny videos that cheer me up tremmendously. i think i'm quite sick cause i'm laughing while they eat weird bugs and stuff.

if i lay here, if i just lay here, would you lie with me, and just forget the world?

fuck. i don't know you, and i don't know myself either. seems like everything with me is too intense, pulled too closely.

i'm sorry for not giving you what you needed, the reassurance that should have come in actions, instead of my just saying that i love you. cause what would do for me, wouldn't do for you.

how long is this time going to take again? part of me says 'don't cry, confirm okay one.', and another part goes 'but i can't help it.' and yet another part goes 'do you want to put yourself through this again?'

he's nice to me, he really is. he mightn't be the sweetest boyfriend, like how other girls have, he might not be the most thoughtful, but he does try, in his way. everytime we're in lovey dovey mode i'll forget what it used to be like when i thought i'd lose him for good, and i'd want more.

wishing that he'd be sweeter somehow, that he'd want to spend more time with me, forgetting that he's doing what he can in the way he knows the best. i've been selfish, and yet i was thinking of him too. it's hard to think of yourself and him in the same sentence, cause it'd seem like you're supposed to want the correct treatment, and you're thinking of reasons why you do deserve it, and you'd forget how the other person feels.

sad songs playing on repeat. i wish i had something to make me sleep.

i wish.....

i wish i had hugged him before he went in again.

and i never knew how much it affected. the extent. and i always thought i was the only one who was afraid of the other leaving.

God.....

never before have i said all the things i thought i'd never have to say, never would want to say.

feeling exhausted. way too exhausted by everything. pondering how long it'll last, how many times till it'll reach the limit, like the straw that broke the camels back. i hope your words stay true, else i'd not know what to do.

next song playing: incomplete

song on repeat: mad

song now : i'm alone now.

there's been so much confusion lately, you couldn't see that you were losing me.

sentence.

okay this post is long enough. i just messaged him. i have no idea why too. -..-

okay bye.


xoxo
never had a choice to make.

ps: to be your last romance.