Dreamer

fuck my new job i tell you. fuck it. and i'm not too sure it can be labeled as 'my new job' as of yet. went down three days getting home in the late evenings, and still no definite job. what the fuck?!

-..- alright, and i found out that i can be quite assertive when i want to be. i don't want to be regulated to a job i don't like, and did not intend to do in the first place.

it's fucking stupid, cause obviously i'd go for the job with the higher pay right? then you call me go do survey for fuck?!

-..-

and i saw something that made me totally feel 'what the fuck?!' again.

always and forever one eh. but ya, i don't have the rights to go and be angry anymore. after all who the hell am i to him right? he want talk to who also his problem what.

fuck. and i'm not even supposed to be afraid that he'll like her cause i have to trust him.

ya i trust he won't do anything wrong, but when it comes to affairs of the heart, who the hell can control it? it's just like how i won't place myself in a situation where i know i'll probably be attracted to that person what. and what's more he's a free man now.

fuck.

aiya i also don't know what's the point.

damn unhappy now feel like crying but like stupid?! i hate this lor i hate this. relationships aren't meant for people who think a lot.

people like me need a guy who can be faithful 24/7 . ya and my eyelid twitching really fucking accurate.

no pictures la. pekchek.

anyway house internet down, left with the one in my mums room. fucked up, sitting in the dark typing this blog post.

wonder why i'm still answering 'yes' to questions like 'do you have a boyfriend?' was momentarily stunned when my boss asked me that question. like what the hell am i supposed to answer sial.

'no, but i want my ex boyfriend back badly' meh? fucked up. then Bec said 'YES' on my behalf.


now i feel like vomiting. fucking insecure yet i have to be secure .BUT TO WHAT?! even trees need to have roots what right?

something to secure it firmly to the ground.

I DON'T KNOW LA. I WANT A BREAK.

from myself.

see even i can't stand myself, what more him, or my friends, or my family.

FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK. i feel like screaming, but my parents will most probably be awake and scream at me.


aiya bye la. fuck. feel like calling him now. rest my fears, my weary heart.