you speak of promises and love kisses.

"the problem child i always was."

not feeling too good now. bloody stomachache got me spinning round round baby right round, and a quarrel with the boyfriend. but at least my stomach was alright after a solid nap.

mabel just asked me 'why are you so in love with August?' and i pondered hard about it, coming to a conclusion that ..... i have no fucking idea. but what does he like about me anyway? i have no idea either.

and..... once again i've made him disappointed. like great one Johanna. but, things aren't what they look like, cause the heart stays true. faithful, no matter what i might say. w0rds are words, but i've proved it all along, i know i did.

guess i was insecure all along, like what i said. you can't stop how a person feels, like what Bec told me. you can't, you just can't. so that's why i'm so afraid, but there was that reassurance, at long last. after ..... so many events. that 'they won't come back'. like finally, finally a part of me can be at ease.

and i guess i've really learned, that i can't grasp the most fundemental things, that are stuck in my mind on repeat, just not wanting to sink in.

i wonder what runs through his big head. what he's thinking of, blah blah.

i'm sorrrrry. i really am. kneeeeels * -..- i didn't put myself in his shoes, and think of how i'd feel if he were to do it to me. to some it'll seem like a small matter, but i guess it does look that bad, though things are really not what they seem to be.

okay i'm going to save some money and treat him to sakura or something. i feel extremely guilty now. ):

and i do hope he won't stay mad at me for too long.

rah. off to sleep. i feel a headache coming on.




xoxo
cause you mean the world to me.

ps: baby, i'm sorry.