would tomorrow be the same as today?

"a heart that's missing you; a mind that doesn't want to."

was about to blog, then i recieved a phone call from Mabel.

"Eh Joh, come downstairs." went downstairs with the poker chips, and met with Mabel, John, Mingkang (bad ass), Roy and Wendy.

for once, it's hanging out at Sengkang instead of Hougang or something. went to the nearby pasar malam and Roy and Wendy bought 5 packs of durian for some really cheap price.

headed to a void deck near my house and ate them. heaty but yummmmmy luh. then we headed up to my place for some hold 'em, and the reason why i'm here blogging now is because i lost everything. LOL. twenty bucks to be exact.

oh well.

meeting Bec at 12 tomorrow. we're heading to Clarke Quay for some job thing, and it sounds quite good. better make some cash cause i've got debts to pay off and things to buy.

today was okay. better than all the 'days-after-breakup' so far. though i spent most of the day sleeping, it was okay, cause normally i can't bear being alone after a break up.

something very meaningful (at least to me) happened just now. or rather it was a part of conversation.

we were playing hold 'em, and i lost a certain amount of chips.

Mingkang: are you sure you know how to play?
Me: No lah, cause i don't want to regret ma! later if he don't have anything then i'll have that kind of feeling.
Wendy: playing hold 'em is about learning how to let go. i learned it from Royston.

and blablabla.

somehow that struck me. cause all along i've always gone for things even if there's only the slightest possibility, that littlest chance.

but yes, i've got to learn how to let go. start learning, at least. it's the best way to protect yourself from the worst hurt possible. have to go start becoming a little like this character that Cameron Diaz played in 'The Sweetest Thing'. She held back too much, never giving herself that chance to find someone to love, to let that someone love her.

so a little of that attitude, and a little of me might just equal something good yeah?

-..- okay bullshitting. but eh i'm really contemplating some stuff, and i hope i won't regret.

love him with everything, but..... i have to love myself too right? gah we'll see how it goes.

think it'll take very long before i get into a relationship with another guy. mentally scarred already. more than normal.

and some words are still making rounds in my mind.


shall post up photos as soon as i edit them. (:


xoxo
lovelorn, love lost.

ps: B. i've lost a part of me. not you.